Well Matt left for his trip to Vancouver on July 2nd and has extended it to stay longer for personal reasons so I miss him lots but am so glad he is where he needs to be. I have been getting a lot accomplished since he has been gone. I have revarnished the floors on the main level, Reconfigured
the kitchen layout and repainted the master bedroom and started to repaint the bathroom as well.
Been working my ass off and trying to stay busy with Matt gone and trying to stay extra busy to keep my mind off everything.
I have also stained the stairs and repainted the back of the stairs as well and making our house look amazing again as it already does. I love our little house and everything about it. I think I will always be doing something here because it is my nature and I like to keep busy.
Seven weeks today since Mom is gone and I hate it more everyday. I miss her so much and am so sad. I just still can't believe she is gone. It feels so weird not to be able to call her or talk to her when I need to and want to. Everything I do, I wish I could tell her and send her pictures, but most of all I wish I could go and spend more time with her.
I still have not spoken to any of my family except for Dad who I have become very close to and am enjoying our new relationship. We talk on the phone at least 2 times a week now and I do so enjoy our conversations and everything.
I can not believe yet that my sister an brother would not even take a day off when they found out their Mom passed away. It just makes me sick and then to think that they could not even help me with the arrangements for mom, or with cleaning up the house and doing everything. They are disgusting in everyway and I guess I always knew that.
I don't think I will ever speak to them again and I am okay with that now. I have family and am glad for the family that I have. Anyhow I don't really have a lot to say, I am sad and just need a day of alone time.
Please take care and thanks for reading, I promise to be back and write sooner than I have been.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Feeling Lucky
I am feeling lucky for many reasons today, and also very sad in many other ways. I feel very happy and lucky to have a great husband, who puts up with me, stands by me and supports me and has been more than fantastic this last month. I also have great friends and a few distant relatives who make life easier and just care so much, It is nice to feel loved and needed by people. My inlaws are also about the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for. Plus I have our dogs and cats who just know when you need a little extra love.
But the biggest reason I feel lucky today is memories of my mother and the great time we had together always, but my fondest memories are from the last two visits and how I got to be with her. For anyone that knows me, and knew Mom, you could see where I get my attitude, my personality and my views on life. I got it all from her and am so glad that I did.
My time out with Mom and Dad in November was amazing and I flew out for Moms birthday and took them out for Chinese food, everytime we talked on the phone after that, Mom always brought it up, that it was her best birthday and her favorite meal ever. I am just so glad that I went to see her and spent that time with her, we went shopping that week, got to go to thrift stores and her and I both loved that, just to find that little treasure and take it home for a buck or two. Helping her to get her house reading for Christmas and just the smile on her face whenever I walked through that door to see her, Makes me happy and sad all at once, knowing I will not see her smile again or hear her voice.
My second visit this year was the end of May and I am so glad I did it and know now that the universe was on my side for when I went and everything that happened while I was there. When I phoned Mom on Mothers day this year I apologized for not sending anything but told her that I was going to send something out the end of May, and I did, I sent me out to be with her and Dad. I was so happy to be there and the look on her face when I walked in and she saw me was just priceless, but Mom did not look like Mom then, she was so tiny and grey but she still had that great smile and her face just lit up as soon as I walked through the door. Those are the memories I try to hold onto and am so glad I have them because I will have something many people will never have and that is I got to be there and say good bye. I never wanted to say good bye to her and thought that I would have more time. But I am so thankful for the time we had all the things we did together throughout our lives. She was the best mother to me and I will never stop missing her and will also always love her with all my heart. It feels like I am missing a piece of my heart everyday now that she is gone and I know this does not change and went through this before with Bradley. It never does get easier, just different.
I also got so much closer to Dad over the last month , it has been amazing and am so happy for that, he has come along way and is an amazing man, was not always there for me , but somehow we are there for each other now. Dad said he loved me for the first time in ten years before I left Alberta to come back here three weeks ago and I must say those were the most amazing words I have ever heard from him in so long. I love my father and yes we have had our hurdles, challenges and disputes over the years but we have also managed to now put all that behind us and go on with a new start as Mom would have wanted.
Thank you for your support and love , not just now but always. love to all of you.
But the biggest reason I feel lucky today is memories of my mother and the great time we had together always, but my fondest memories are from the last two visits and how I got to be with her. For anyone that knows me, and knew Mom, you could see where I get my attitude, my personality and my views on life. I got it all from her and am so glad that I did.
My time out with Mom and Dad in November was amazing and I flew out for Moms birthday and took them out for Chinese food, everytime we talked on the phone after that, Mom always brought it up, that it was her best birthday and her favorite meal ever. I am just so glad that I went to see her and spent that time with her, we went shopping that week, got to go to thrift stores and her and I both loved that, just to find that little treasure and take it home for a buck or two. Helping her to get her house reading for Christmas and just the smile on her face whenever I walked through that door to see her, Makes me happy and sad all at once, knowing I will not see her smile again or hear her voice.
My second visit this year was the end of May and I am so glad I did it and know now that the universe was on my side for when I went and everything that happened while I was there. When I phoned Mom on Mothers day this year I apologized for not sending anything but told her that I was going to send something out the end of May, and I did, I sent me out to be with her and Dad. I was so happy to be there and the look on her face when I walked in and she saw me was just priceless, but Mom did not look like Mom then, she was so tiny and grey but she still had that great smile and her face just lit up as soon as I walked through the door. Those are the memories I try to hold onto and am so glad I have them because I will have something many people will never have and that is I got to be there and say good bye. I never wanted to say good bye to her and thought that I would have more time. But I am so thankful for the time we had all the things we did together throughout our lives. She was the best mother to me and I will never stop missing her and will also always love her with all my heart. It feels like I am missing a piece of my heart everyday now that she is gone and I know this does not change and went through this before with Bradley. It never does get easier, just different.
I also got so much closer to Dad over the last month , it has been amazing and am so happy for that, he has come along way and is an amazing man, was not always there for me , but somehow we are there for each other now. Dad said he loved me for the first time in ten years before I left Alberta to come back here three weeks ago and I must say those were the most amazing words I have ever heard from him in so long. I love my father and yes we have had our hurdles, challenges and disputes over the years but we have also managed to now put all that behind us and go on with a new start as Mom would have wanted.
Thank you for your support and love , not just now but always. love to all of you.
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