It seems like yesterday and the memories are still so fresh and beautiful. It was a year ago today that I went out to visit Mom and Dad and surprise Mom for her birthday. She was so happy and glad to see me and we had such a great week. We went shopping and we got her picture taken with Santa and her, dad and I went to Sandys Restaurant for Chinese Food Buffet. The smile on moms face was priceless and the way she ate that night was amazing. I never would have thought that 6 months after I left that day she would be gone.
I will always remember going shopping with her and the both of us trying every tape measure in Canadian Tire trying to find the perfect one for Matt for Christmas, Then going to different thrift stores and just looking at different things and seeing what treasures we could find. It was always our thing to go to thrift stores together and check out every thing in the store, from Christmas angels to glasses that neither of us really needed but always wanted to have.
Today I sit here and I cry all day alone realizing all I want to do is call her and talk to her and be with her and just comfort her. I miss my mom so much that it just hurts.
It was March 15th when Mom was diagnosed with Cancer again and by the time I got there May 27th to see her, she was so weak and had lost so much weight and was basically just laying on the couch. Even though that was my final week with her, it was still one of the best weeks of my life because I got to spend it with her. I miss her everyday and wish she had more time and was still here. I will never forget finding her that morning and never forget the week that followed, but for now I will always remember that last great time we had together on her birthday last year. To my Mom I wish you a happy birthday on November 29th. She would have been 69 this year, so young and so fabulous, I had the best Mom and I loved her more than anything and anyone in the world. You are a wonderful lady and please know I will miss you and cherish every moment we had together for the rest of my life.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Our Mothers
On June 1st of this year I lost my Mom to Cancer, It was one of the hardest and worse things I have ever gone through and I realized at that moment the most important person in the world to me was gone and I could no longer just call on her and talk to her everyday. On November 6th my husband Matt lost his wonderful Mom to Cancer and I was there with him and his dad and cousin Gilly on the day she passed away. It again was a horrible and sad day for the both of us and on this day Matt and I learned we now have to count on each other even more than before.
Our mothers were very similar, both very strong and wonderful supportive women, who loved and gave their everything until the end, both married and stayed with the man they loved for a very long time, my parents just past 52 years married and Matts just shy of 55 years married.
Both of our Moms were the most important people in our lives. They were both nurturing and loving to the end and stood by us. My husband and I both suffer the same pain as many of my friends do, losing your mother I think is the worst and hardest thing ever.
Matts Mom was a very strong and extremely intelligent and beautiful woman, she loved Matt until the end, and he loved her, spending his nights with her in Hospice, only leaving to go home and have a quick shower. He stood by her until the end and spent every waking moment to be with his Mom the last few months. Matt definitely got his Moms strength and integrity.
Our mothers both believed in god and prayed and loved us until the end. They were both proud of their gay sons and supported us in every way possible. Matt and I sit here now and discuss how similar our parents are in many ways. Our Mothers and our fathers. Now we both look after an ailing father and deal with our grieve for our wonderful moms. To Vera Megan Allsopp, thank you for bringing up a wonderful young man for me to marry and love. I could not have asked for a better mother in law, and to Mom I am so proud to have had you as my mother, I miss you both every day and love both of you. Now you can both finally meet.
Our mothers were very similar, both very strong and wonderful supportive women, who loved and gave their everything until the end, both married and stayed with the man they loved for a very long time, my parents just past 52 years married and Matts just shy of 55 years married.
Both of our Moms were the most important people in our lives. They were both nurturing and loving to the end and stood by us. My husband and I both suffer the same pain as many of my friends do, losing your mother I think is the worst and hardest thing ever.
Matts Mom was a very strong and extremely intelligent and beautiful woman, she loved Matt until the end, and he loved her, spending his nights with her in Hospice, only leaving to go home and have a quick shower. He stood by her until the end and spent every waking moment to be with his Mom the last few months. Matt definitely got his Moms strength and integrity.
Our mothers both believed in god and prayed and loved us until the end. They were both proud of their gay sons and supported us in every way possible. Matt and I sit here now and discuss how similar our parents are in many ways. Our Mothers and our fathers. Now we both look after an ailing father and deal with our grieve for our wonderful moms. To Vera Megan Allsopp, thank you for bringing up a wonderful young man for me to marry and love. I could not have asked for a better mother in law, and to Mom I am so proud to have had you as my mother, I miss you both every day and love both of you. Now you can both finally meet.
I wonder
I sit here and think many days about many things now that mom is gone and I wonder if you believe in God and in Heaven as my mother did, do you go to heaven, do you get to be reunited with the people you lost before you. I have to ask because for me I don't know what I believe for those who do believe , do they get what they believed in and do they go to the god they prayed to?
These are all things I am wondering about, is my mother with Brad and my Uncle Ron, and my grandparents, does she get to see her best friend again?
I am not sure what I believe and I definitely do not believe in religion but I do believe in a higher power whether that is god or whatever or whoever?
I just honestly hope that Mom is sitting up and watching over me and got to be with Bradley again and is having tea and fishing with my grandfather and talking with Uncle Ron and seeing all of our old neighbors and discussing how great their kids are here on earth. I hope this is the way it is and what she is doing.
My mom as many mothers were taken far too soon and now I just mourn her death and know that she is not in pain but have a hard time believing that she is happy, I can only hope she is. Hope is a whole other thing in that respect as I had hoped for years that my mother would never get sick and suffer the way she did. I had always thought she would be here and we could talk in the phone.
In the end I am just left wondering and will never know. Miss you Mom and love you lots.
These are all things I am wondering about, is my mother with Brad and my Uncle Ron, and my grandparents, does she get to see her best friend again?
I am not sure what I believe and I definitely do not believe in religion but I do believe in a higher power whether that is god or whatever or whoever?
I just honestly hope that Mom is sitting up and watching over me and got to be with Bradley again and is having tea and fishing with my grandfather and talking with Uncle Ron and seeing all of our old neighbors and discussing how great their kids are here on earth. I hope this is the way it is and what she is doing.
My mom as many mothers were taken far too soon and now I just mourn her death and know that she is not in pain but have a hard time believing that she is happy, I can only hope she is. Hope is a whole other thing in that respect as I had hoped for years that my mother would never get sick and suffer the way she did. I had always thought she would be here and we could talk in the phone.
In the end I am just left wondering and will never know. Miss you Mom and love you lots.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Hubby Gone Again
Well I know it has been forever but I honestly have had the worst year I could ever imagine and I will tell you a bit about that so you can fully understand what I am doing and going through in my fabulous little life.
But first things first , Matt was gone all summer from July 2nd until September 21 and then was home until October 26th and had to leave unexpectedly again. As some of you may know Matts mom was diagnosed with Cancer in early July and he had to spend most of the summer there with his folks and deal with stuff out in Vancouver. It has been a hard year for both of us but extremely hard being apart. As of last Sunday his mom was put into Hospice and is not going to be getting out and they have told us it is now just a matter of time whether that be a week or a month from now we do not know so he flew back out to Vancouver to be with her and has been spending every night at hospice with her.
I have nothing but the utmost respect for Matts mom and love her dearly, I am having an extremely hard time with this as well and it has only been 5 months to date since mom passed away from almost the same cancers. It is also extremely hard for both of us as our fathers are both not well too. My father is on dialysis three days a week and Matts dad has been recently diagnosed with Alzeimers.
I can not imagine losing Mom Allsopp this year as well but now it is become a reality and is just going to happen. I am still grieving my mom every day and do not think the pain will ever go away and am not sure I want it to, It reminds me every day how fabulous a mother I had and how much I miss her.
I will be flying out to Vancouver as well here in the next couple weeks and be there for Matt, not sure what kind of support I will be but I will try and I will be there for him and stand by him. His mother , like my mother is the world to Matt and I never thought that in the same year we would both lose our moms.
Other things that have happened this summer to us is we lost my brother inlaw Lorne who passed away in September, I feel bad for Cheryl but am still not ready to reconnect with her totally. I can not imagine losing my spouse.
A few more changes in our lives this year, our former best friends Ken and Barbie and Skunkhead, (obviously not their real names) are no longer our friends and they can't even handle to say hi. Matt and I were both fooled by their phoniness and extreme childish behavior. Oh well I am so glad they are no longer a part of our lives. I am so glad that those jealous people.
I honestly thought I would miss them after supposedly being their best friends for the last two years but I do not.
I have been keeping myself busy in the house and doing the final little things around here to complete our renovations but yet everyday I seem to add a new project to the list and keep doing them and then add another. I have given all the floors another coat of varnish, redid some of the kitchen and added a pantry , touched up all the paint in the house and finally finished the stairs. I also redid two pieces of furniture for the house and built patio table and bench.
Now the new projects for this month are to wallpaper the bathroom, paint the ceiling in the powder room silver, give the stairs another coat of varnish. I am also building some built in shelves for the sides of the fireplace I built last year.
I have also started my own design business and have to give a quote for a job here soon, I also refinish antique furniture and am currently working on three large pieces for a neighbor and good friend. Anyhow I will keep you all up to date with Matts mom and what is happening. Thanks for reading and I will try to be back sooner than I have been in the past.
But first things first , Matt was gone all summer from July 2nd until September 21 and then was home until October 26th and had to leave unexpectedly again. As some of you may know Matts mom was diagnosed with Cancer in early July and he had to spend most of the summer there with his folks and deal with stuff out in Vancouver. It has been a hard year for both of us but extremely hard being apart. As of last Sunday his mom was put into Hospice and is not going to be getting out and they have told us it is now just a matter of time whether that be a week or a month from now we do not know so he flew back out to Vancouver to be with her and has been spending every night at hospice with her.
I have nothing but the utmost respect for Matts mom and love her dearly, I am having an extremely hard time with this as well and it has only been 5 months to date since mom passed away from almost the same cancers. It is also extremely hard for both of us as our fathers are both not well too. My father is on dialysis three days a week and Matts dad has been recently diagnosed with Alzeimers.
I can not imagine losing Mom Allsopp this year as well but now it is become a reality and is just going to happen. I am still grieving my mom every day and do not think the pain will ever go away and am not sure I want it to, It reminds me every day how fabulous a mother I had and how much I miss her.
I will be flying out to Vancouver as well here in the next couple weeks and be there for Matt, not sure what kind of support I will be but I will try and I will be there for him and stand by him. His mother , like my mother is the world to Matt and I never thought that in the same year we would both lose our moms.
Other things that have happened this summer to us is we lost my brother inlaw Lorne who passed away in September, I feel bad for Cheryl but am still not ready to reconnect with her totally. I can not imagine losing my spouse.
A few more changes in our lives this year, our former best friends Ken and Barbie and Skunkhead, (obviously not their real names) are no longer our friends and they can't even handle to say hi. Matt and I were both fooled by their phoniness and extreme childish behavior. Oh well I am so glad they are no longer a part of our lives. I am so glad that those jealous people.
I honestly thought I would miss them after supposedly being their best friends for the last two years but I do not.
I have been keeping myself busy in the house and doing the final little things around here to complete our renovations but yet everyday I seem to add a new project to the list and keep doing them and then add another. I have given all the floors another coat of varnish, redid some of the kitchen and added a pantry , touched up all the paint in the house and finally finished the stairs. I also redid two pieces of furniture for the house and built patio table and bench.
Now the new projects for this month are to wallpaper the bathroom, paint the ceiling in the powder room silver, give the stairs another coat of varnish. I am also building some built in shelves for the sides of the fireplace I built last year.
I have also started my own design business and have to give a quote for a job here soon, I also refinish antique furniture and am currently working on three large pieces for a neighbor and good friend. Anyhow I will keep you all up to date with Matts mom and what is happening. Thanks for reading and I will try to be back sooner than I have been in the past.
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