Sunday, again

Well the week has been another extremely busy one and we have managed to muster through it again. We did get a lot accomplished in the house and still go out and have fun on Friday for dinner with Marc and then a drink or two at Boutique. All new staff there, well 2 out of 4 people are new and our former favorite bartender Darren is now gone from there. We also ran into Alisa and Angela on the street on Friday, was nice to see them both and talk a bit outside the store. We had dinner at the Firken which was great as per usual. Ran into John , Lisa and Vito at Boutique, been a while since we saw them there. Was a nice night out and so great just to get away from the house for a bit and relax. Saturday we had a bar b q and Wayne brought Jade over to see the girls and then Marc came by with his friend and we had a few drinks and a nice dinner out back on the deck, then later on after Marc and his friend and Wayne all went their separate ways downtown to their respective places for the evening, Jeff and Mara came over and visited for a bit and we had a few more drinks. Yes a few more drinks led to 1:30am, good times.
We had a great day which started with a garage sale. We made a bit of money and now can have a bit of fun to kick off Pride week here in Toronto. Yay, I really want to go and see the parade this year as i realize I truly have never seen the actual parade in Toronto, I was in it a couple times and then every other year I worked at one of the restaurants in the village so was at work and dealing with all the hungry people who were out enjoying Pride, this year it is our turn. It will be a lot of fun for the both of us! Time to hang that pride flag in the front window and show the neighborhood where the gaybors live, though I am sure they have all figured it out any how.
This week was a very theraputic week in many ways, I have again realized who is a part of my family and who is not and it seems to be getting smaller and smaller by the hour. I am okay with that, ah hell who am I kidding, I miss my family or what use to be family, it is strange how when we grow older and are suppose to grow up, people just seem to get bitchier and more bitter. I am thankful to have Cheryl and Patti and Alicia and Amanda to talk to. As for the rest of them it is weird how I went in a month to having a huge family to now having one sibling, a sister in law, and a handful of nieces and nephews, and a few great friends.
Now even some of my friends who I thought were very good friends can't even bare to call me back and tell me no to questions, weird! Life after 40 is great but can be very lonely if you don't have a great husband like I do. I am very lucky in this way and thankful that I now have Matthew and the kids everyday.
That is all I wish to discuss about family as it hurts way to much to even talk about, parents who say they are done with you, an older brother who has called once in the last 10 years and had to be drunk to do so, a sister who is so drugged out , all she has to say is threats and nasty comments and certain nephews who are afraid to hug me, now that is a family. Let me say this, those who do love you accept you for who you are and you just have to accept that and move on and be thankful for them and love them back, easier said than done to let the family go who does not. I struggle every day to do this, they were able to just be done with me and I can't seem to imagine life without most of them.
Well we are heading out for breakfast now and I will be back later. have a great day and kick off Pride in any way you want , just have fun damn it!

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Good Morning All, yes up extremely early again, got out of bed at 6:30am, not that I wanted to, I just did! I don't think I have had a proper sleep since Brad passed away and am hoping that will get back to normal soon, I have tried everything from prescription sleeping pills to just being so damn tired I should just pass out for hours on end, I don't. So I will keep hoping and I guess as long as I am getting 5 to 6 hours a day I am good.
Yesterday was a day of deep thought and many tears and I am not sure why, but I just felt sad from the moment I woke up. I was on face book when I got up yesterday as I am everyday and I always go to Brads memorial page and read stories left about him and I found a picture that Brad had emailed me with his cat so i posted that on there and all of a sudden I was just in tears. Went out to the garden, sat there pulling weeds and cried for a good half hour.Then all day I was just not myself. Everything set me off from just thinking of family and what they have said and done to me, and missing them and being able to speak with them and can't because they no longer want anything to do with me, it just hurts and I guess just made me sad for a day. Anyhow I phoned Patti in the afternoon and got to talk with her for a bit and it just felt nice to know I had family and she was there and we could talk, cheered me up a lot, as do Alicia and Amanda every night on face book with their pokes and chats we have. Thank you so much ladies.
Today is another day and life goes on and there is so much to do and get done, I am not sure anymore if we are behind schedule, on time or ahead of where we should be , but I am happy with our progress and where we are because I know that we have done it all ourselves and it is our house, Our little semi detached white house in the middle of the street. I love our neighborhood, our neighbors and just everything about it, it is so friendly here and so welcoming in every way. perfect to sit down and become your gay neighbor. So today Matt is going to finish the plumbing and get the new bathroom up and running, I think I may start tiling the floor and get that underway so by the weekend we can be using that bathroom and I can sit in our new soaker tub for an hour or so, God I love that tub. That is todays project.
Tomorrow, well that is another day and we are never sure what that will bring. Matt and I sit here everynight and discuss what each one of us is going to do the next day and projects that we need to get done. Will let you know how today goes and what is in store for us tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a great week and please take care. Talk soon, bye for now from your gay neighbor.

A Day of Deep Thought and more work

Well to start off today , I just want to mention what a wonderful and extremely busy weekend Matthew and I had again. Saturday was filled with running around, picking up supplies, and then working in the back yard for me and tilling and leveling the whole thing so I could plant a garden and for Matt it was dry fitting all the plumbing and getting the new bathroom set to go and ready.
I want to thank our neighbor Mara for the ride to Homo Depot to return the roto tiller rental and going to the liquor store with her was a blast, very pretty lady so i think everyone was staring at her the whole time. Matthew and I also managed to squeeze in some relax time this weekend at night by going over to Jeff and Mara house for a drink or 4. We have gotten to know all the neighbors here and are quite happy so far, they seem really great and are all quite friendly. But I would say that Jeff and Mara have become our most frequently visited and bn(best neighbor).
They have 2 little girls Riley and Sloan, so adorable. Jeff and Mara are getting married this August, the did things the right way , met, fell in love, had the kids and now are getting married, smart, at least in my opinion.
Anyhow this weekend has been very restless for me at least, I have been having dreams about Bradley, it has been really weird and waking me up. Somedays it is like he is still here and talking to me, it is great to talk to his girls, especially Alicia , she reminds me so much of Brad, her attitude and everything and the way she writes to me is just Brad all over again.
Even this morning I woke up and I was reading some of Patti story of the Memory of Brad facebook page and I almost started to cry again. I have days where I just want to hear his voice and talk to him.  I still have a hard time believing he is no longer here some days and know that I need to move on from there but it is harder than I thought. When I phone Patti and she is not home at least I still get to hear Brads voice on the recording, makes me feel like I am actually talking to him. Weird I know.
Today I have drywalling to do and get more of that out of the way, tomorrow we are going to tile the new bathroom and get this out of the way. Yesterday planted the veggie garden out back and started it, a bit late but hopefully everything comes up nicely. Also painted the old chandeliers I have for the house, now I have to put all the crystals back on the and figure out where we are going to put them. Also Matt will finish his plumbing for the new bathroom.
Marc is still here from Vancouver and visiting for another 2 weeks with us. He came out for a conference on home inspections and then staying for Pride here in Toronto, actually hardly seen him at all except for in the morning and a bit at night.
Any ways life is good for the both of us right now and the kids are all doing great, time to get my ass off the couch and get to work here. I am going to go out back and check the garden. Also Alicia, just so you know the quitting smoking thing is going well, I have cut down considerably and plan to be in full quit mode by next week.

Busy

Well here we go with an update on the renovations in our house. We have gotten a lot accomplished and have been so busy all week and last weekend. So far this week we have gotten everything placed in the new bathroom and all the fixtures, Matt built the base for the new drop in tub yesterday and drill holes through the floor where the plumbing will be going. Yesterday I did 2 more coats of staining on the kitchen floor, It looks gorgeous now.
All week we have been extremely busy and doing things around the house. We got the kitchen all in place and everything where we want it now, Matt went shopping the other day and got our pantry and wall oven cabinet and the new toilet and all the tiles for the bathroom. We are doing a small 4 x 4 tile all over the bathroom floor and then a white subway tile around the shower and wall behind the sink and toilet. It will be a very classy look for a bathroom I think.
Also I patched the remaining spots in the living room floor that needed to be done to make it all tie in, retoring floors that are over a hundred years old is rather difficult and very time consuming, but the end result is amazing.
Today we have lots to do, I need to finish scraping all the old glue off the floors and finish pulling old electrical and moving some of it, Matt is going to make attic access, yes the house had no attic access, because dumbnuts who use to live here covered it up for some god forsaken reason. He was a total idiot.
Our friend from Vancouver also arrived here on Tuesday night. and is here until July third, we are a bit behind schedule and knew he was coming and thought we would have the spare room done before he arrived. We did not so the spare room is smaller and part in parcel of the old washroom. So we had to hang curtains in between the bed and bath so at least he has a little privacy.
Well that is all for now. Have a great day.

Here We go again

Well we have been in the house now for 2 months and believe me we feel the strain every day of living and renovating a house completely. But we do manage and get through everything that we can with as little grieve as possible. So do catch you up on the house and what we have done in the last two months here we go.
So far we have stripped all the carpets and linoleum out, taken down all the chiprock in the ceilings and reframed walls. We have also insulated the entire house now and sound proofed the ceiling . Framed the new bathroom and waterproofed the floor in there. Put in a few new beams in the ceiling, had a new furnace, hot water heater, and central air installed. Also painted the front door and refinished the antique inside door. We also put in a front patio with pavers out front of the house. Stripped and refinished the old hard wood in the kitchen, demolished the old kitchen cabinets and set the new ones in place. Stripped all the paint off the old stair case, painted the out door shutters, relocated the trees and shrubs and plants and organized the flower bed. Taken down all the walls on the main floor and made our house open concept. This weekend Matthew worked and redid all the plumbing downstairs, this took him hours and hours, he was down there till 4am on Friday and then until 12am on Saturday, but he got it comlete and man it looks great and has improved our water pressure here now. I did all the drywall this weekend and worked outside in the back yard a bit. It was a really busy weekend for both of us. This week we also have a lot to do, we have to run plumbing for new bathroom which is now placed in between the two bedrooms up stairs. We have to install the new eaves on the outside of the house and finish the drywall, clean out the second bedroom and set up the bed in there for Marc when he arrives on Friday from Vancouver. Also have to build shelves and a hanging mechanism for Matthews closet in the master bedroom and then living will be a bit more comfortable. Also we need to start on our electrical.Fun , Fun ,Fun.....

On the other front, I have heard nothing from Mom, Dad, Charlene or Kory which is good. The stress from Charlene and Kory has almost sent me over the edge and just caused a lot of sleepless nights and unneeded stress in both Matt and my lives. It is hard to believe that I not only lost my little brother 3 weeks ago, but I have now also lost most of my family and this is a very sad thing for me.
The good news is I did get my three phone calls on my birthday, Patti called, thank you. Cheryl called and my new call to round out the three was my great friend Sandi. You all really made my day a bit brighter. thank you all for that and I look forward to this as my new three every year. Also for my birthday Wayne came over and took us out for dinner, amazing food and shitty service, but man it was great food.
Well I will be back later and write some more. We also did a time capsule for my younger brother. I drank a huge can of Bud Beer and we put some pictures of Brad in there, his obituary and an old Budweiser belt buckle that turned up in the house and put it in one of the new walls. Have a great day everyone and talk to you soon.

It is my birthday and a hellish weeknd started it off.

Today is my birthday and I am turning 42 today. I wish it were a happier day and I wish it felt like a great birthday but it does not. It was a horrible weekend  and a very rough last 2 weeks and I am very sad as of yet.
I have realized that now for a family I have Matt, Cheryl my sister, her son David and daughter Michelle, my sister inlaws Patti and Adrienne, my nieces Amanda and Alicia and nephews Derek, Shane and Ryan. It is weird to go from a huge large family who I thought all once cared and loved me and soon realized I was wrong, not only by the threats and things said to me which I will explain to you all later on this blog.
 But I also realize this by the fact that if someone says they love you in spite of the fact you are gay and have to bring this up every time they say they love you or tell someone they love you, they truly don't love you or accept you for who you are, this is very hard for me and I am so saddened by this. My parents have basically disowned me and this is all due to my nephew and my one sister with who I share this my birthday, the whore is 45 today.
 I use to look forward to 3 phone calls every year on my birthday and this year I will be lucky to get one of those! Mom use to call, but that is done, Brad use to call me every year, but it has now been 2 weeks since he has passed away, I miss you my little brother, and Cheryl use to call so i am sure I will hear from her at some point today. Maybe this year Adrienne and Patti will call me and just remind me that it should be a happy day. I want to mention I thank all my face book friends and family for all the birthday wishes, you all know how to make an old man feel loved.
 So to get back to the reason I am not speaking with most of my family and have had to cut them out of my life. 1 week ago Saturday was my little brothers memorial as you well know if you read this regularly, my parents declined to go to Brads memorial because they were being self fish and Kory my nephew was asked not to go for personal reasons I am not comfortable getting into. Anyhow because of this Mom and Dad did not even go to say good bye and this caused a rift because Mom got all pissy that no one stood behind their decision. I can not and will not ever back a decision by anyone which I do not agree with.
 On the Friday morning when we were in Alberta and the day before Brads service all hell broke loose at the farm. Charlene was strung out again on her meth or drug of choice, Kory was being his normal asshole self and his girl friend who looks like Boso the clown was just being a bitch, plain and simple. Ernie formerly known as my father was just being rude to both Matt and myself and well Mom she just let the water works flow and blamed everyone else.
 Following this Matt and I left the farm and went up to stay with Cheryl that day and for the remainder of our stay which was shortened due to rude messages and call from Mom. We left on Sunday afternoon instead of Wednesday morning as we were suppose to. I won't get into what was said and all that shit, lets just say I have been disowned.
 I guess the point of me telling you all of this is just to say that being gay is never easy and you will always have family who chooses not to be apart of your life but as you get older you also realize that your family is not just those who are blood related but your new family becomes those who you love and those who love you for who you are. That is what my family now consists of, it is no longer about those who I am directly related to through blood, but I have gotten the chance to pick my family and I am lucky for they have picked me as well. You kn ow who you are and I just want to thank you all for choosing to love me for who I am.
 As for the last weekend my ex sister the crack whore(yes I can call her that, it may seem harsh, but it is true), her son Kory and her father Ernie all sent me threatening text messages and phone calls all Saturday night from 11pm till 3am until I eventually blocked all 4 numbers on my phone and then they started to call Matts phone and leave messages. Was a horribly rough night and basically sleepless night.  That is all I am really going to say on this subject for now, except we are going to the police and laying charges and filing a report and I had to get my phone number changed yesterday.
 I will try and write a more cheerful blog later on today or tomorrow, but for right now I just have to get this off my chest.