I am not sure if things ever get easier or if they just get different every day. Since Brad passed away, life has gotten very hard and very different every day. I have now been cut off by most of my family and think of this every day. Some I have cut out of my life and others have cut me out of theirs, either way it is done and I am going to have to learn to live with that for now. I am never sure whether or not it is right to just be done with people, though I should really learn to just trust my own instinct and go with it. This is what I am doing now. My sister Charlene, other wise known as the crack whore to me, has probably been the most hurtful in my life over the last 10 years. I tried to forgive her and get over the way I felt about her, my mistake. Never go back, just go forward and if you feel you need to be done with anyone in your life , no matter how much it hurts, just do it. I have done this with my Aunt Hazel, nephews Darren, Ryan, Shane and Kory now, My brother James and his wife Adrienne are also done with me and never welcome back in my life. My parents have decided to cut me out of theirs and choose Kory and Charlene over me, after all I have done, and as for james and his wife and kids, this was just time and meant to be.
It may seem harsh to people to know that I am now like this , but in order for me to live a happy and great life with my husband Matthew, I need to do this without the poisonous and venomous involvement of my family. The only family I now have anything to do with is Cheryl and Lorne and her grand daughters and Son David and daughter Michelle, My sister in law Patti who has been more of a sister to me over the last 20 something years than you can ever imagine. Also her 2 fabulous girls Alicia and Amanda. I also speak with my cousin Harold and his wife Roseanne. I have learned that family is not always who you share a bloodline with , but who is accepting of you and loves you for the true you with all their heart.
I have also learned that to have a healthy free life , I need to let go! As Matt is always telling me , let go, let god. Maybe someday I will.
I will always have to wonder if Brad were still here , would life be different, would the family get along and would we all be closer to each other, I honestly think not, no matter how much he would have loved that and always wanted that. After all look at the family we are speaking of , mine!
I have always and will always loved my family, but I can honestly say I really do not like them at all. Some are so phony, like Adrienne who is now trying to buy forgiveness after all that is what her and James do is buy their ways into your life. Not my style. They can say what ever the hell they want to about me, but I can honestly say this I am happier without all of them and just glad that I have decided to cut them out of my life. As I tell Matt all the time I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses, yes this is from a song, but seems to work pretty damn well for my life.
Also some of my old friends from the past are now also gone out my life, this is so weird and I am feel like life has changed so much in the last month, I am just waiting for a bit of normality, though I am not sure what normal is any more for me. I have to now figure it out and get it back for myself.
As for the family thing I am just tired of not being respected. I need not to mention anything more about old friends who I thought were friends or of family who is related but not required.
Have a great weekend and please remember we choose our friends so choose carefully and make sure they choose you back, unfortunately we do not get the same choice with family.
No comments:
Post a Comment