A productive Day

Well it has been an amazing Saturday thus far and we got a lot accomplished today. We have been over at Matt's parents again today and yesterday and have now got everything completed in the shed and all their boxes out of storage and back at the house for them to go through as they see fit.
There is only three more weeks until I have to finish everything and get my shit back together. I can't believe it is happening. More on this subject later. Waiting til I tell everyone.
Anyhow we got the shed all together and are quite proud of the job we have completed. It looks truly amazing and it fits a lot of his parents stuff which has been in storage. Thank god , because those stupid storage bins are outrageous .
This week is going to be totally crazy for me and I have so much to do. I unfortunately can not tell you all what this is pertaining to as of yet but will share my secret with you all next week and let you in on my sorrow and sadness and the reason I haven't been blogging as much as I should be. Please stay tuned, because your jaws will drop and who knows a few of you may loose your pants.

Hard week

Well this week has been extremely tough on me and I am not sure I will get through this at all. I am so depressed and have such low energy right at the moment and yet it is the timer where I need to muster up all I have to continue. Easier than it sounds! All I want is life to go back to normal, but what is normal? I just want and wish things were like they were on Monday and nothing had changed but this is not the case at all. My life just sucks right now and the worst part is the one I need and want to help me through this is going through the same thing.
Life is never fair and believe me when I say that mine has never even been close, yes that sounds like a self pity thing and take it as you may, but it is not meant that way. It just seems to me that I have to work harder on everything from relationships to jobs to family, nothing has come easy and everything at a price.
All I ever wanted in life was a good job, not a great one, but one that paid the bills, family who loved me unconditionally and a relationship that would outlast all others with one person to love me and me to love him. Sounds simple enough, right? Well I have to say it is not! A job of any sorts has been extremely hard to obtain at all, my family is up and down with how they feel about me all the time, and well I found that love finally, it is now slipping away too. Is it me? I guess I really need to ask that question a lot more because let me just say it can't be everyone else in the world who is fucked up, so it must be me! I always thought I had my shit together I am just now realizing at almost 41 years old , that I really have nothing together anymore and everything I seem to touch turns to shit. Well enough for today. Lots to do and figure out. Hope everyone is having a better week than I!

Good Morning All

Well the long weekend all over and thank god the kids in the neighborhood are all back in school. The weekend was good and fairly unproductive in some ways. Yesterday I did manage to get a coat of paint in the last bedroom downstairs and I am very happy about this. This morning I am going to go back and do the second coat and then start on the bathroom and then we have to go and look at tiles for the kitchen and hallway. The we will have a nice bright fairly refinished suite for rent and I won't have to touch it for at least another year or so.
Last night was a quiet night for us and a night of great relaxation and just being together time which is always welcome in our lives. Matt and Froy ran to Dairy Queen last night and got us all ice cream treats as I was craving a Peanut Buster with hot Caramel, love them. Thanks for filling my cravings and being a great husband and friend always.
Been talking to Mom lots on the phone lately and being there for her as much as I can in the long distance way. I wish I was closer so I could just go and give her a big hug whenever she needed one and also get one when I needed to get one. She is my inspiration every day and I only hope that I am half as strong as she is in life and that when I go through shit I handle nearly as well as she has. She has been through so much, especially this last year and that makes me respect and admire all that much more!
We got some bad news yesterday about one of Matt`s best friends for a long time, he has just been told that he has brain cancer and that there is nothing the doctors can do. I am not sure why these things just come out of left field and how people who are so great and wonderful seem to be the ones who get them. I guess it just proofs that life is not fair in anyway, shape or form. I will pray for our friend and we will be there if he needs us in anyway ever.
Hope you all have a great day and please always cherish those you love because we never know how long we get to have them with us.

Easter Weekend

Well it is Easter and we have had amazing weather all weekend long and yesterday was so gorgeous out I couldn't believe it, 2 days in a row and I was outside without a coat. Lovely just lovely I say. Also a very strange weekend with some personal issues and then my making up with Jurgen. I actually missed him so much and am glad that he called last night and that we have managed to get everything back on track and working again.
Jurgen and I have been friends for well over 12 years and I was honestly very hurt the way he left and didn't say good bye to us, but that being said, he did what he had to do to survive and left BC without thought or a plan and went to Edmonton to work and for a better life.
Anyhow he called last night and again this morning and he is doing good and very lonely and I can totally relate to that because I have been in the Edmonton and Calgary environment as a gay man and it is a very lonely place to be and those are cities that are very closed and the social network is almost non existing if you are gay.
The truth of the matter is though if I had to I would probably move to Calgary or Edmonton myself to have a job and you just learn to live with it. It can be very hard to do and also very lonely. I would far rather live in Toronto or in Vancouver and that is why I choose to be where I am, not the greatest place to live at the moment financially, though I keep hoping it gets better for all concerned, primarily me!
Anyways a little off track here now, I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter and a great weekend. Nothing planned here for us at all yet. I am not sure if Matt wants to go out as of yet and not really sure I want to. I guess we will see what the day brings. Hope you all have a great day!

A Long Weekend

Well it is the start to a long weekend and the roads are a float with all the crazy drivers here in the lower mainland. We were over at Matt's parents house today and got the walls up on the new shed. Tomorrow we can put the roof on and the rest of the shed together including attaching the doors, that will be the real test once the open and close and everything is in working order we will be done another job at the Allsopp house. You never can tell what will be next, I think we willbe doing some landscaping for his parents this summer as well, anything to stay busy and I am always a bit happier.
Nothing planned for the weekend as of yet, no dinners or anything else to do here the big city. We are just going to spend a quiet weekend the 2 of us and I am quite frankly good with that. Bo and Hope are flying off to Nova Scotia  for the weekend and Froy is off to Squamish to see his dad and spend Easter up there. My family is all there in Alberta and I rarely get to see them on any holiday. I actually kind of miss that and am envious of those who get to spend the holiday with any family, whether that be your kids, your parents or even a sibling. I haven`t had that in far too many years now.
A weird blast from the past today occurred, Jurgen phone and believe me I truly have mixed feelings about this! I avoided his call and he left a very brief yet polite message wishing us both a Happy Easter. I texted him back and said that I was still angry with him for the no goodbye shit he pulled in December. Yes I still miss him very much and always will , but you all have to understand Jurgen and I have gone through this whole thing before. When I moved to Toronto Jurgen just quit talking to me and pulled away with no explanation or anything as to why and it is not like I just left. I made sure I said goodbye to everyone and I desperately tried in those 7 years I was gone to stay in touch with him and called him as much as I could though he never answered and the only time I saw or even knew anything about him was if I saw something in the gay papers.
Anyhow that is my story for today. Hope you all have an amazing Easter weekend and fun with your family and friends. Peace and love to all.

Tuesday and Glee is back

Yay it is Tuesday again and supposedly there is a new Glee on tonight so that makes me happy. I am also going to watch the Biggest Looser and try to catch who the hell gets eliminated off of Dancing With The Stars. Wow what a busy night , hmm...
Today was a very non productive day and not too much accomplished, we went over to Matts parents again today and did a bit more work around the yard and did prep for the new shed. Now we got the base in today and tomorrow if the weather holds up we are going to pour some cement just to set the foundation and have a nice and permanent base. Today while we were over there we got completely soaked and hailed on which was not nice at all. Even my ass was soaked from the downpour of steady rain.
Mom phoned today and we talked for a bit this morning before heading to North Vancouver and after Cheryl phoning last night I am thinking it may be time for a visit soon. I can't wait actually to go out to Alberta for a week and visit family and see my mommy and hopefully hook up with some friends like Sandi. I guess Matt and I will have to sit down and discuss a road trip soon.
Okay I also have to finish painting the suite downstairs as well and get that all set up and done again so hopefully we can have it rented before the end of the month and get that squared away once and for all for at least the next year. Well I hope you are all having a great night and I will be back tomorrow and blog some more.

Another Monday

Well today was just another day and we did nothing at all really. Not too sure why but my stomach has been upset all day and I am sure that is partly because of all the stress I had the last week. Who knows though.
Hope brought me some plant pots for outside the house today which I truly appreciate and am so happy for because I usually have lots of tomatoes planted outside for the summer and this year will be no different for that if the weather ever get good enough.
My sister also gave me a call tonight and we got to chat for a bit which is always a treat. We just talked a bit and caught up a lot, she is going to get her granddaughters on Thursday for Easter Weekend, not sure if we are doing anything at all. Cheryl also asked when the hell Matt and I are coming out for a visit again to see them all, I simply said as soon as you all have no more snow in Calgary.
Went over to Matts parents for a bit this morning and helped his dad to grab some boxes to go through from the storage bin. Tomorrow going over there as well as long as the weather will be good again to put up his dads new shed for him. Will be lots of fun. Today was a gorgeous day out so I am hoping this will last the entire week.
Any how I am off to bed now and up early in the morning. Have a great night.

I am Back

I took a few days off and apologize, but I was seriously going through a lot of crap and personal shit that I needed to work out and I was actually quite busy as well repainting the basement suite and helping over at Matts' parents house to put in the new shed and help to remove what was left of the old one too.
I have been in the basement suite trying to redo and brighten it up in hopes of a rental soon. It has been sitting almost empty now for a month and this income is how we pay the mortgage and a good part of the household bills every month. I have gotten 2 of the 3 bedrooms repainted and also done the living room and kitchen area. I need to re caulk the bathtub and clean up the bathroom a bit and then paint the other bedroom and stage it all properly. Lots of work to finish and get it up to par.
As for the new shed at the parents house, yesterday was spent digging in supports and laying out the frame and getting it ready to build the shed. The old shed that was there was an old wood one that had been there god knows how long, and was actually starting to rot to the point of no return. The new one is metal and just has to be put together.
So now for my personal shit this week, I have just been going through a major depression with the lack of a job and also the way I have been feeling about Vancouver as of late. I am really starting not to appreciate the beautiful city that I love. I am more starting to hate being here and the way I feel here on a daily basis is just not good. I need a move or a job that I enjoy. Let me just say I apply for work every day and it just seems that there is way too much competition in this city for me and what I do. Crazy I know. Also this week my great 3 weeks of nonsmoking came to an abrupt ending and I started to smoke my cigarettes again due to the stresses I was feeling. Do I regret this, no I really don't, I have realized I enjoy smoking and I like it, and it sure as hell helps me to deal with the stress I often feel.
Well Matt and are once again starting to discuss the move out of Vancouver and possibly to Toronto and hopefully there I can go back to work at one of my past restaurants and get back to the lifestyle I so enjoyed once upon a time. Well we will see where that goes and what will happen and if we are both ready to make a huge move like that.I will keep you up to date on this discussion and what and when we decide. Maybe this gay neighbor will be coming to your neighborhood soon. Stay tuned and have a great day. I am going to the bar later, need to few soda pops to help me with my week.

Stat for you all

1 of every 20 people born is gay. That means 1 of every 20 people is instantly put down, given bad labels, left alone, put in minority, and so much more, just because of who they are. Many gay teens are turning to suicide as a way of escaping. If you want to tell them to hold their heads high, and that you respect them for who they are.

 This is just a small stat for you all and just to let you all know, this is what I went through most days while growing up and still go through a lot of prejudices now, though I have learned that it does not always matter what the world thinks of me and my lifestyle, but if I have friends and family that stand beside me then I will be fine and I can hold my head up and be who I am always. What others think and how they judge me and other gays is unfair but I guess we all discrimanate in some ways at some point in our lives.

 I am true to myself in every way and am who I am not only by my creation but by the way I was raised and what life has dealt me along the way. 

The Neighborhood

I am beginning to think this neighborhood has gone to the dogs, it is just becoming bad here some days, now we have these stupid delinquent children who live up the block. Today the little bastards lit a fire using a Gerry Can of gas up the street. I am not sure what their goal was, but the brats sure ran when I said I was going to call the cops and I did.
 I mean really people if you are going to have a child, look after the damn thing, they are not just an increase in your welfare check, well actually I think that is what these kids are unfortunately to their parents. Any ways these are just horrible little kids and who knows what crime they will commit next. All I know is I can't stand them. Not even sure why the little brats are home mid day on a Monday? Filed my complaint with the cops and actually got a very nice officer again today, thank god for that.
 my day was weird and I just feel like I am loosing it in so many ways, this whole unemployment thing is now really getting to me I have never gone this long without a job and it is really just driving me nuts and I try and try to stay busy but it is just so hard to do some days and not even seeming to be worth it at times if you feel unappreciated or unnoticed. That is the way I felt today and yesterday with Matthew and it wasn't him it was me. I just tend to get mad easier lately and I need to find that balance in my life between work and home and I need to do it soon. I swear jobs are just becoming less and less out here and I am not sure why this is. All I do know is that I do apply and I do look, I just haven't found anything yet. I better find something soon, if anyone can help or knows of a job at all anywhere Vancouver, Toronto, or even Calgary, please let me know. Thanks and have a great day.

Yippy Rain Again

Okay this is just tragic , the rain is driving me crazy today, so much and it is just constant and cold and wet and so totally depressing in every way imaginable.
 Well we were suppose to go to Pumpjacks and go out for a change this Sunday as we haven't been out in a couple weeks, not that I am even sure I like going out that much here any more. I find the people at the bars that I use to enjoy so much , to be well to put it nicely they are totally fucken boring and drive me nuts. It would be nice if they were as friendly as they use to be when you would go out and you could talk to anyone and everyone in a bar, now going out is like being in high school again and there are all these stupid little groups and if you are not a part of that click then you might as well go home.
I remember the good old days and the friendly bars from years gone by, and unfortunately it is not here any more at this point and time.
 Years ago when I managed the gay bar here in the city, I was a very popular person and everyone always stopped to talk to me, in the bars , on the streets and just in general. I never see that here anymore, people here just seem to be too into themselves and their pretty little groups now. What the hell. Does it hurt to say hi to some one you don`t know, try it, you may make a new friend!
 Well when I was in Toronto, most everyone I ran into would at least say hi and try to talk to you, I miss those times.
 Well today was kind of boring in many ways, went to Safeway and bought some groceries, had a work out and went out with the girls a few times. Yes what a boring day.

The damn weekend

Well not such a bad start to the weekend and I have been a non smoker now for just over 3 weeks and still doing okay. I honestly get cravings a lot and sometimes just really want a damn smoke. I am not sure quitting was a good thing for me to do at this time, but hey I am trying to save some money by not smoking, here that is a cool 7.50 a day that I am not spending, maybe I should start putting that money in a jar every day and eventually buy myself something pretty damn it. Yes my word of the day is damn, I am not sure why, just seems to be appearing more frequently in writings and everything else today with me.
We didn't do too much today, actually I am not sure I did a damn thing except for my workout and that was about it besides eating, oh my god, We went to Fat Burger today and it was amazing and I enjoyed it so much, could eat one of those everyday of the week and help me gain weight! We also went to Re Store to have a look around, probably the first time there that I haven't found anything I actually liked or needed. Oh well that is probably for the best any ways.
Neighbor lady was telling me today to watch the animals when we let them out as she saw a coyote in the mid afternoon on the spare lot next to hers. I know they come out at night but hey during the day now, they must be really hungry.
Well tonight I am just sitting on the couch and watching movies on the telly. Yes I know what an exciting life! Yes that was a bit of sarcasm from me to all of you. Any how I hope you all have a great weekend and I shall see you tomorrow. Ta ta for now. 

The weekend again

Okay not that it matters too much as my days are constantly running together and I am not sure there is a difference between Monday or Saturdays anymore or at anytime. I am not sure whether this is because we are over 40 or because we are unemployed, any how  really don't care why , I just know it is so.
So last night we had Hope over for dinner and it was a nice time until our lovely little Nadia broke Hopes bottle of wine all over the living room, well that was kind of cute and sort of funny, the kids are always curious when they see a bag , they just need to see what the hell is inside it as well and they are so damn strong when the little buggers want something, they just go after it. Had a beautiful dinner, cleaned the red wine out of the off white canvas  bag for our company, because that is what a good host does!
We went to Matt's parents today and looked over the yard and stuff for them as they need some landscaping done and we are going to tear down the old shed and put up a new one that Matts' dad bought at Home Depot yesterday. Should be a fun little project and will give me something to do while I am still unemployed and creating daily god damn projects to do.
We had a lovely lunch at A & W, the new Sirloin Burger not nearly as good as the damn thing looks, don't waste your bloody money on that one, just stick with the Teen or Mozza Burger.
Lottery night again and you just never know, maybe lady luck will be on our sides and we can dig ourselves out of this hole we seem to be getting into to, at least it is not that deep as of yet.

Picture sorting....Argh

Started going through photo albums of years gone by and god do I mean years. I saw pictures today of when I was so young that I didn't even recognize me. Crazy I know. It was a great trip through the past and I got to reconnect of a me with all my hair and I got to see the last picture ever taken of my Grandma Potter and that is when I had to stop, as it was a totally emotional moment. I remember her so clearly like it was just yesterday that she was here with us all.
I also saw pictures of Mom and Dad when they first met, so beautiful and happy. Also found one of Mom when she was a little drunk and hugging a lamppost. So funny and so sweet.
Found pictures of all the nephews and nieces when they were little and so young and cute and innocent. My trip down memory lane was wonderful and I have so much more to go through and organize and do and then I will scan a whole bunch and add them to my facebook and put them on a disc so I always have them.
Love seeing all of my past memories and all those great photos of friends and family from years gone by.

Done the workshop area!

Well I finally finished the workshop downstairs and everything is now organized and clean and looks fabulous if I do say so myself. I worked my ass off and believe me I really don't have too much of an ass to loose.
So to put it nicely the workout room and workshop, let me tell you,  3 days, 21 hours, 1 bruised finger, priceless!
Froy was over her all day and working with Matt to speed up the computers and just clean them totally up, and just to have them in great working order and totally updated and perfect. Thank you for that and making Matt very happy with his technological jargan and stuff.
Tomorrows stay busy project is to build a new shelf for on the mantle to go in between the brick and the wall and store some of the stuff that just sits on the mantle, so I guess we will see what the hell kind of a carpenter I can be. I already know that I can refinish wood and make things look pretty, so I guess we will soon see if I can build something and make it look pretty as well. We'll let you know how that turns out. Any way am gonna go back and watch the Biggest Looser, was watching Glee, but it is a damn rerun again, all these reruns are really pissing me off!!!
Have a great night, I know your gay neighbor will. Ta Ta for now!

Ho Hum

Well today and yesterday have been extremely busy here for me, not only am I still, yes still looking for work and have found nothing yet, but I am doing everything I can to keep busy here at home at the same time. I am going crazy, I swear it! Any ways the last 2 days I have been down in the basement working on the workshop/work out room and reorganizing everything from the paint to the power tools and supplies. So much to do and so little time, well actually all the time in the world, unfortunately I guess.
It is really coming together though and has been 2 days in the basement and a lot of heavy lifting and I even managed to crush my right middle finger when I dropped a bag of cement on it,OUCH!!!
Matthew is getting sick again and not sure with what, but am hoping I don't catch it. I really don't like being sick, though I am quite sure no one does. I hope he gets better soon and doesn't give me anything before that.
Are dear young friend Froy is back today well, He went up to Squamish to spend the weekend with his dad again and I have developed the utmost respect for him to handle things so well since the passing of his Mom and to be there for his dad so much when I can only imagine how much he needs his son to be close.
The weather today has been crap, nothing but pouring rain all damn day here again and it is not so much the rain that I hate but every time I take the girls out for their pee, I spend more time drying them off when we get back. God they must really hate the rain, we can be out there for 10 minutes and in that time I am soaked so I can only imagine how cold they get when they are that wet.
We didn't go out this Sunday, I guess I just can't right now, because I can't relax with the money thing hanging over my head and hate that feeling an awful lot. I almost feel guilty that I have no job, but most of all some days I just feel undesirable in every way, I really don't like feeling that way at all! I am a very confident and proud man. I also know deep down that I am more than qualified for the most of the positions I apply for, but unfortunately there is so much competition that I am unsuccessful at this point and it has been so long that I am trying really hard not to get depressed. As I told Bo the other night you can only get kicked in the balls so often and then you just say screw it and leave. That is my way of saying if I can't get employment here soon, Matt and I are going to have to discuss relocating out of Vancouver.I will give it until the end of August and then it may just be time to move on and move up I hope!

Bored

Yes I said it, I am bored, but still have lots to do. Today was a bit crazy and I managed to get a lot done after my workout. The house is now clean from top to bottom and I also put aside some time to talk with my Momma on the phone.
It is my Saturday tradition and I talk to Mom every weekend and at least 2 times a week besides that just to catch up and get the news from back home and how everyone is doing.
In other news Matt was reading the paper today and told me the funniest thing, well it was so stupid it was funny in a bad way. Apparently the other night at the Vancouver Canucks game 2 gay men were wearing Pink T shirts that said HOCKEY LOVING HOMOS. They were asked to first remove their t shirts because they are supposedly derogative and offensive. The guys would not remove their shirts and were then asked to leave the stadium, Can you believe this. Talk about censorship at it's finest, a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.  
And on the job front thus far I still have nothing and am still looking every day. Still thinking about going to Toronto for the summer though I am not sure about that at all because I think Andi is going through a psychotic episode again. The woman can be such a stupid bitch at times, not sure I want to work for her again, even if the money is good. Will let you know about whether or not we go to Toronto in the near future as I told Andi's son Tom I have to know by the 15th or forget it.