Well this week has been extremely tough on me and I am not sure I will get through this at all. I am so depressed and have such low energy right at the moment and yet it is the timer where I need to muster up all I have to continue. Easier than it sounds! All I want is life to go back to normal, but what is normal? I just want and wish things were like they were on Monday and nothing had changed but this is not the case at all. My life just sucks right now and the worst part is the one I need and want to help me through this is going through the same thing.
Life is never fair and believe me when I say that mine has never even been close, yes that sounds like a self pity thing and take it as you may, but it is not meant that way. It just seems to me that I have to work harder on everything from relationships to jobs to family, nothing has come easy and everything at a price.
All I ever wanted in life was a good job, not a great one, but one that paid the bills, family who loved me unconditionally and a relationship that would outlast all others with one person to love me and me to love him. Sounds simple enough, right? Well I have to say it is not! A job of any sorts has been extremely hard to obtain at all, my family is up and down with how they feel about me all the time, and well I found that love finally, it is now slipping away too. Is it me? I guess I really need to ask that question a lot more because let me just say it can't be everyone else in the world who is fucked up, so it must be me! I always thought I had my shit together I am just now realizing at almost 41 years old , that I really have nothing together anymore and everything I seem to touch turns to shit. Well enough for today. Lots to do and figure out. Hope everyone is having a better week than I!
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