So much to do

Well so much to do here in the house and so little time it seems, Tomorrow is New Years Eve and we are having a party, time to have some fun in our lives!
Yesterday was another extremely busy day and we got a lot accomplished , not as much as I would have like, but at least things are getting done and we are on our way to completion. We finished the dry wall in the spare room upstairs and I painted the pantry doors with chalkboard paint, a cool color to I might add, you ask why two grown men need a chalk board in the kitchen, why simple I answer, to leave notes, make lists and write down groceries we may need.
Today I am going to take down the Christmas tree and get that all put away, try and put dry wall up on the ceilings in the dining room and if I feel like it sew my leather backing for the island, yes I said leather, we have decided to make leather panels for the back side of the island and I am going to sew them into suares and then glue them on, should look really cool.
Then tomorrow I need to clean up the house, get some alcohol , a very important thing, make a few appie plates and then have a nap so I can get good and shit faced tomorrow night, because damn it I need to and so does Matt, we need some release from work around the house and nothing like New Years, good friends and a lot of fun.
Not sure if I mentioned , but on Christmas day I talked  to my mother, was nice, and so needed. I missed hearing her voice and am glad that she is well. As for the rest of the family, I realized on Christmas you don't give a shit and maybe I don't either anymore, I have all the family I need with Mom, Matt, his parents and a few good friends.
Need to send out a special thanks to great friends and neighbors Jeff for coming to Home Depot the other day and helping me to load dry wall and everything else and to Louisa for the loan of her truck so we could actually pick up everything that was needed to move forward in this house. Our neighbors are amazing.
Seriously time to get my ass off the couch now and get to work, have a great day and a Happy New Year, see you all in 2013, thanks again for reading and for everyones support over a tough year in 2012, I have great friends and I love you all.

Another Christmas gone

Well yesterday was Christmas and I have to one of the best that Matthew and I have spent together. We had a lovely relaxing day and a great evening as well and I took a day off from working here in the house.
Got up yesterday morning and sent off my Christmas text and well wishes to people. Then did laundry and emptied the dishwasher and made breakfast, nice and relaxing and perfect. Matt and I do not exchange gifts at all so we only got a gift from his parents and one from Wayne, lovely and beautiful gifts though!
I extended an olive branch yesterday and phoned my mom, we talked for a little while on the phone, not a long time but I have to say it was the best gift I could give myself was talking to her and hearing her voice again, it was not a long conversation but it was an amazing feeling after almost 7 months to just talk to her.
The we went to Xaviers and had Italian cake and Espresso , after that we went to Flora house for Christams dinner with her two children, it was a great dinner and an amazing time. After that home for a break and to play Tennis on the X Box and then over to Jeff and Mara for a drink. The perfect end to the perfect Christmas. Thank you to our fabulous neighbors one and all for making Christmas day and night so great. We are truly lucky to be here and live in a great neighborhood.
As for the house we are plugging along with things and slowly but surely getting it done. On Christmas Eve day I refinished the pot rack and got it down to the original metal and made ti look as if it were just welded and very industrial feel to it which fits the kitchen perfectly, Today I am going to do a bit of dry wall and the hopefully get around to painting the kitchen a second coat and maybe the bathroom if I can find some more white paint. Later I have to go over to mara and Jeff and get some wood and start to build a closet for the master bedroom and then move the dresser and wardrobe to my closet in the basement. I can now see the end of the house and work here in sight and man does that ever feel good.
I want to wish you all a great holiday season and may you have the best in and all you deserve in 2013.

What Next

 Well I figure I better catch you all up on things and what is going on in our lives this December. Last week was a crazy busy week and Monday I had a total of 3 specialist appointments and that took up a huge part of my day starting at 6am when i had to get on the bus on go out to the hospital, not fun at all. The good news is the Horners Syndrome is actually gone , they say, the bad news is that I have what they call cluster headaches and will actually suffer from these now for the rest of my life. The specialist said I may have days where I don't get a headache and sometime I may be lucky and it will go away for a week or a month or a year, but they will always be there and I will suffer from them for the rest of my life and not really a thing I can do about them, except learn to deal with them.
 On my family side I am totally done with them now and have decided to have a picture burning party soon and get rid of all memories of them completely, this is how I will say good bye to all of them and never have to be reminded of them again. One more note on family, James do not ever call here again and threaten us with anything, I have saved every voice mail from you and our lawyers are working on it right now, I have also sent them to the police and had them here so they can hear your drunken ramblings. Leave us alone. I have left all of you alone and will go so far as to file a no contact against all of you if you keep it up. There is nothing slanderous in my blogs, only my opinions, and how I feel so if you don't like it then don't read it.
 As far as the house goes we have been working lots on stuff and the bathroom is now almost complete and it is all mudded, sanded and painted, tiles are almost complete, today I need to put up the wallpaper. I have also stripped the floor in the living room back to its' original from and finish from a 103 years ago when it was first installed in the house. Now I have to stain and varnish them and make them look great. I have also restained and varnished our island in the kitchen.
Well time for me to get to work and get some stuff done for the day. Have a great day all and talk to you soon.

Tomorrow

December 1st is approaching quickly and I do be lieve this will be a very hard day for all my family and for myself, this would have been Bradleys 41st birthday and it is still hard to believe that he is not here with us.
It has been just over 6 months now and it is not any easier.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him and miss him. It never seems to get easier but does seem to get different when you loose someone that you care about. I still think it was so unfair for him to be taken from his family and all of us who loved and knew him.
I know I will never be as good as Brad was and no one will ever replace him in any way. I now realize he was the glue that held this family together and now that he is gone, that glue has disappeared with him. You never realize how important anyone is when they are with you so all I can say to that is remind them every chance you get how important they are.
I miss you Bradley and I wish you were here so I could tell you how much I love you and wish you a Happy Birthday.

I was going through boxes the other day and found old family pictures and it made me happy and sad at the same time, there were picture of the whole family from years ago, some of Grandma and Grandpa Potter, and one of Grandma and Grandpa Metzger. Just a mix of everything when we were all happy and got along and were all in Alberta and here and together. Pictures are always a great memory and reminder of better times in ones life.

I sent my mother a letter and birthday card the other day, Her birthday was yesterday. Happy Birthday Mom. I am not sure I will ever speak to most of my family again , but do know and hope to reconnect with Mom again. I miss her more than anyone and just want to pick up the phone somedays and tell her that. I wish I could but know I am not ready to yet. Hard to be without her. We use to talk on the phone at least 2 to 3 times a week.

As for the rest of my family I do not have much to say though I do say this my thoughts go out to Patti and the kids tomorrow because I know it will be hard for all of you, wishing you the best.

I wish all my family well over the holidays and hold no grudges against any of you, I just have nothing to say to any of you or want to speak with any of you at this point and time and for some of you probably never again, I am sure the feeling is mutual.

Matt and I have built a live of our own, and have a great family with his parents and friends who surround us on a daily basis, either here in Toronto or throughout the world.Thank you to all those people who are in our lives and with us daily. We love you very much and appreciate your friendships.

The holidays are soon approaching and I just want to take a moment to say Happy Holidays to everyone, whether we speak or not, I hope you all have a great Holiday season.

Working Our Asses Off

Well happy Hump Day to all. It has been a great week here and we are accomplishing so much here in our little house. I did some more mudding of drywall and tiling yesterday in the bathroom. Today is hanging the rest of the drywall upstairs and preparing to paint and wall paper the bathroom and then cut tiles and get things done so we can complete another room.
Then I need to run to Homo Depot and pick up another spool of wire and finish the last little bit of wiring in the house, Kitchen lighting, baseboard heater in back porch, lighting for back bedroom, and plug-ins in our master bedroom. Can't wait till it is all done and then all that will be left in the house is refinishing floors, mudding and sanding dry wall and painting and wall papering rooms.
We have picked out a very dark stain for our floors, going to carpet the upstairs bedrooms. Life is good and we are so happy here in our house and with everything that we are doing and have done. Love it all.
Matt has been sick this week and his back has been really bad and bothering him a lot. I hope he gets better soon and they just do this damn surgery, it has been too long and it is just stupid how long we have to wait for him to even see a specialist at all.
So far today I have not completed a thing and been sitting here on the couch relaxing and trying to get rid of my damn headaches, other than taking the dogs for a walk and bringing the green bin back in, i really can't say that I have done too much, i will however get my ass in gear this afternoon and get things done. Need to get that tile cut so when Matt gets home I can finish the bathroom and move on to the next room.
On the other side of the fence I still have not heard a word from any of my family and am guessing I won't for a while, lonely at times but i am a strong person and will get through anything i put my mind to. I miss some of them somedays but there are other days that I don't even think of them and am happy with the family I have, which consists of a few cousins, some great friends, Matt and his parents and our wonderful animals. This family that I now have proven to be far better and more supportive in any way and in every way compared to my immediate family.
I do however miss my mother, the rest can rot in hell as far as I am concerned and yes you can all say I will be there first and this is quite possibly true. I will call Mom in the next month or so and have written letters to everyone else and I will send those out soon as I am happy with them. Just a final good bye to them and what I need to say.
Any how i need to get my ass back to work, Have a great day and thank you for reading.

More and More everyday

Well we have been doing more everyday in the house and getting things done slowly but surely and it is all starting to come together and looking great. I have completed the lights in the bathroom and master bedroom and all electrical plugs in the back bedroom. Yesterday I went up in the attic again and finished hooking up the bathroom exhaust fan, what a challenge that was, so tight up there, I went to move and got roofing nails stuck in the top of my head, scraped and cut a bit and man it hurt, but it is done now. Only have to go up the attic for one more thing and that is to position and put the light in the back bedroom. It will be so nice to get all that done and not have to crawl up in the attic again for a while, thank fucken god, I hate it up there!
On schedule for this week is sanding and painting of walls and maybe lighting in the kitchen, which was finally purchased yesterday, Matt rode his bike downtown and picked it up at Canadian Tire, so now we have all our lighting for the house, so a bit more wire to purchase and away we go, also have to put our baseboard heater in the back room.
We are going to have a gay day today and go out to the bars and Church Street, we have not been out at all to a bar or had a gay day since Pride, way back the end of June. Looking forward to getting out and having some fun and a few drinks. Then home to watch our shows tonight. But first I need to change the bandages on my head, shave and do some manscaping so I look gay enough to go out.
The weather has been great here as of lately and I am going to go out and enjoy it and take the girls for a walk here soon. They love gong around the block and the fresh air. Last night was a quiet night and we have been having a date night on Staurdays lately. We watch a movie and just relax and then usually watch Saturday Night Live while relaxing in bed.
Mara and Jeff dropped over for a bit and had a drink and smoke with us which was a nice break from a horrible movie, The new Spiderman movie sucked and I would not waste my time to watch it again. Anyhow I leave it up to you, just not my taste.
So this week will be busy and we have lots to do. Matt has appointments all week and is very busy as well. So to everyone who reads this, have a great day, enjoy the fab weather here in Toronto or where ever you may be and thank you for reading, Bye for now

Coming Together

Things are really coming together here in our little house in Toronto. Matthew tiled the kitchen backsplash and also tiled the front entry way. Looks amazing!
 I wall papered the front entry way and also paint the brick and board in the front entry so we finally have a total room done, love it!
 This week I ran the electrical for upstairs and we finally have a light in our bedroom, an exhaust fan and plug in the bathroom, plugs in the back bedroom and hallway, so nice to have power and not extension cords all the way upstairs. I am actually proud of myself and of Matt for what we are doing and that we are doing it all on our own.
 Today I have to go up in the attic again and wire the bathroom lights, cut a hole for the exhaust in the bathroom and cut a light hole and run more wire for electrical plugs in the master bedroom, things are really shaping up, unfortunately it is a lot of stuff that you can not see, but fuck it looks great.
 On the other side of our lives we have both had a cold off and on for the last two weeks and I have been suffering from a lack of sleep and headaches so it has been a painful week for me. Matt has also been in extreme pain because of his back and going to physio twice a week is not helping as of yet. He finally got a call from his doctors and is seeing a surgeon, though it is not until February. Hope it gets done and he gets better soon, so hard on him.
 I have also been doing some work for our neighbor and am looking to get back to work here soon as well, been applying for a few jobs here and there and thinking of going back to work part time at least so we can get a little of our lives back.
 Well time for me to run and get a few groceries and then get my ass back to work on the house, Have a great day and thanks for reading, talk to you soon.

Tiling and Mudding

So this week has been dedicated to mudding all the dry wall in house, giving it a quick sanding, planning for colors and where wall paper will go in the house, filling all the holes that need to be patched and generally working my ass off as much as I can handle.
The front porch will be painted white on two walls and the wall paper on the other two walls and a nice clean white tile on the floor out there. also thinking of putting a baseboard heater in there and also one in the bathroom if we decide it needed.
Also started tiling the bathroom walls around the tub yesterday and have come up with quite the interesting pattern up there. I am doing rows of black with white diamonds and white half tiles on the back wall and the opposite on the side walls. the back wall is going to be a tiling job that will probably take me at least 3 to 4 days. Today I cut more tiles to place tomorrow where needed.
Fun, Fun , Fun!
Today I am actually quite sick and am coming down with a really cold. last night I was up till after 4am and the awake just before 10am. this really sucks, the stupid specialist I was at last week has asked me to quit taking all my headache medications and this is now proofing to be a problem. I hate the pain and am not impressed with that doctor either.
I have another appointment with another specialist in December and I am hoping that everything will go okay with that . I am just tired of the pain and headaches in my life and slowing me down. I am sure if it weren't for health issues this house would be closer to completion and we could have done a lot more. Matt is still laid up in bed half the time with his back and we are still waiting to hear from the back surgeon as to when they are going to do this for him. Hurry up please.
Any how it is looking like fall here in Toronto and from what I hear we are going to have one hell of a winter as well, not looking forward to that at all, but it is what it is.
The cats are now getting used to being indoors and this is a good thing, as Matt and I are never going to go through what we went through last week. Never.
So that is about all I have to say for the moment, except, No One won the Lotto Max last night, so next week is 50 million again and 50 - 1 million dollar prizes. We will be buying our tickets. I hope everyone does, and if you do, Good Luck!

Our Sparky Boy

Well it was a rough couple days for our little family and especially Matt and I. Monday morning we let the cats out as per usual and at 7pm Nadia came in, but Sparky did not. We searched for him all night and I was up until 3am walking around in the rain with a flashlight and looking for any sign of him at all.
Yesterday(Tuesday) morning we got up as usual and had breakfast and both went in different directions to search for Sparky again. Nadia was upstairs on the bed all day and crying over her brother missing and not coming home. She was so depressed and upset she would not even get out of bed and we even had to force her to eat.
I looked all day yesterday for our little man and to no avail to find him. Finally last night I was out for a cigarette in the rain in my slippers and I heard some whining outside, which I am sure it was Sparky. I followed the sound and ran down the block looking for him.
I finally found him behind one of the neighbors garages hiding and soaked in some tall grass. He was so scared and tired. He came to me and I carried him home and he ate so much after being out for his 36 hours of whatever happened to him.
Nadia was so happy and started cleaning her brother right away and if you could have seen the look on Matts face when I brought him in the house, it was priceless and so amazing for all of us. Rogue and Storm ran to Sparky as well and started to clean him and look after him.
He is home now and we are making them both stay in the house and they are just going to have to suck it up and get used to it. There is now way in hell we are going through this again. Missing him, searching all night, phoning vets and spca and no sleep and making posters. Stress!
Wow, thank you to all of our neighbors for your help and concern with looking for our little boy. We are truly blessed to be in such a wonderful neighborhood with wonderful people.
Anyhow all is well that ends well and our little family is all back and safe and sound. I was beginning to think I was cursed and am just glad to know I am not and can rest again once in a while.

More Done

Well it has been an extremely busy week and things are coming together in our little house. It will be so amazing when it is all done and finished and both Matthew and I are quite excited to get to the finished product.
Last week I built a new kitchen cart and painted the kitchen a really cool green, never thought I would paint anything green but low and behold I have done it and now we have green in out house, looks really good, one more coat and it will be perfect.
Yesterday more electrical was ran and we are nearing the end of that as well, by next week all of our upstairs electrical will be amazing and working , wohoo!
I still have to cut a hole in the roof for the vent fan in the bathroom and also for the drain vent for up there, but all and all it is coming together, tiles are now all purchased and I think I should be started on this soon. Matt is still quite laid up with his back and we are still waiting to hear from the back surgeon as to when the hell they are going to do this procedure and get it done, with our luck it will probably happen right around Christmas and fuck that up completely.
I have been back and forth to Specialists over the last week myself and am so tired of Doctors that I just want to be done with all of them and live with my health issues as they are. I have one more Specialist appointment in December and that will be it and I have already told my doc that after this I am taking a break and will not be going to see anymore doctors for at least a year and I will learn to deal with shit on my own.
So things left to do on the house are finish the floors, a bit more electrical, patch drywall where needed and paint and lay flooring in front porch. I am sure we will get it all done and it will look great and the best part is that we did it all ourselves and we are proud of that no matter what.
Have a bit more work to do over at the neighbors as well and a little gardening and stuff to do , plus make my damn stewed tomatoes soon.
Have a great day and talk to you all soon.

What a Day Yesterday

Yesterday was a horrible day and I suffered a great deal. My headaches were really painful and the left side of my body was numb and swollen again. I spent most of my day in bed and was just in pain. Even today my left eye is almost closed and still very swollen and sore.
Today I have an extremely bad headache and am just going to do what I can here. I think I will start to tile the shower and maybe move in a couple things from the garage today to help us organize stuff and get things done in the house here and build my closet in the basement and get some of my clothes unpacked, I think I will be needing my winter jacket soon.
The good news is my family has left me alone for a while now and is letting me live my life and not saying anything, My god I block them all from facebook, my phone and emails and they still manage to find me some how. I am not sure how this works or why they bother. I miss my mother but as far as I am concerned the rest are all just dna relatives and that is about it.
I honestly do not care anymore about most of my family and am just glad to have nothing to do with them, some days I miss talking to my sister Cheryl but realize that she obviously doesn't feel the same way. Any how enough of that.
Matt is till really sick and we are waiting to hear from his back surgeon on when they are going to do his surgery and stuff. For now he is out of bed and able to do a few things and walk the dogs and stuff. I am so glad that he has been a bit better and feels up to cooking and stuff, and the other day he did some work to get ready for the tiling in the shower which is a great help.
This weekend is going to be kind of a take it easy and do what I can, as for the week coming up, I have 2 different doctors appointments and hopefully we will find out what the hell is going on with my head.
Thats all for today, talk to you later and thanks for checking it out.

Doing Our bathroom and other things

Well it was a late night for me last night. I could not sleep and was up till 4am, I water proofed the tub walls and now it is ready for tiling and then I can paint up there, yay, a room that will be completed and then we can move on to more.
Thank you to Louisa who gave me a ride to Home Depot yesterday to pick up tiles and the waterproofing stuff so that we can tile and get it done. The I want to tile the kitchen back splash and start painting in there. The house will be gorgeous once I get my drive back and get things going.
Matt is feeling better today and walking around a bit, I am so happy for him and glad that he had a great sleep and is getting around and not in pain. It is tough to watch him some days when he is in so much pain, I hate to see him suffer and hate to see him like this.
Have appointments this afternoon downtown and go figure I have an appointment and it happens to be raining just for me, sucks!
After my appointment today I am going to get stuff done in the house and then hopefully get some rest. If I had been thinking last night I would have called Jeff to have a drink  when he got home from work. Some nights we sit outside after his work and just chat and smoke, kind of nice and a great relief to have someone to sit with and just relax with and just sit. I do this every night and go over and say hi to Mara as well, I love our neighbors, they have become like a new family for me especially.
Speaking of which we went to Flora on Sunday night for a lovely thanksgiving dinner, amazing! So nice of her to invite Matt and I over there and have us for dinner because there is no way that the two of us are cooking a turkey anytime soon.
So thank you to all our neighbors and other friends who are there for Matt and I and give us rides when we need them, sit and visit when they are free and are just all around friendly in every damn way possible.
Monday I cleaned the eaves of three of our neighbors houses, I love doing little things like that and plus it gave me a chance to play on the ladder and be up high, love that as well.
Pulled all our tomatoes as well the other day and I am will to be that we have at least 70 pounds , so i guess I will be making some stewed tomatoes and doing more canning very soon, right now there all over the house so they ripen completely.
So some of the garden is still growing and green and I have no intentions of removing anything until I hear that it is going to freeze and then I will pull everything and take out some of the compost bin and mix it with dirt and get the garden ready before the winter comes. I think this year we will have a harsh winter ahead.
Well that is all I have for today, have a great day and talk to you all soon. Thanks for reading again and hope you have a great day.

Electric and Plumbing

Been working hard on the house again this week. I have ran a lot of the electrical including all the kitchen stuff except the wall oven thus far and living room and dining room plugs. I am actually getting quite good at this sort of thing. i sat up one night that I could not sleep and read the book from Home Depot about Electric for houses and away I went.
Matt has totally done all the plumbing for the new bathroom and worked really hard on tiling the bathroom floor as well.
This is old news but a draft I found and figured I had better publish and add to it. On Friday I built a new railing in the back porch so that Matthew can get around a bit easier. I have also made this into a plant wall. In the mean time I have been giving all the walls in the house a second and third coat of dry wall compound and sanding in between so I can get ready to paint soon. It has been an up hill battle to get a lot of this done, because as most of you know Matt is laid up in bed most days and I am having to do a lot or all by myself, which is fine but you loose desire to do anything somedays and I feel so bad for him and know he is in excruciating pain with his back and leg.
I will struggle on and get things done, as really there is not a hole lot left to do, I have to get the electrical ran on the second floor, tile the bathroom walls and finish and few odds and ends and then I can start painting in here and make it look as beautiful as we both planned, after the painting is done i will finish the floors and set up house the way it was meant to be for us, yes we are behind schedule but this shit happens and it is just a part of life.
I got really depressed about it a couple weeks ago and just lost it, with all the family shit and everything else that was happening and poor Matt being sick and him feeling guilt because he can't help well, It just made me feel worse. It is such a horrible feeling when you love someone so much and they are in constant pain and there is not a fucking thing you can do to help them at all, that is how I feel day to day and it just makes me feel like shit and I know I am doing all that I can , but I wish I could do more to make him feel better.
So anyhow, yesterday I canned and made homemade Tomato Sauce and also beet pickles. It turned out really well but took a seriously long time to get done, like six damn hours.
Today is thanks giving and I have to say I am thankful for having Matt, a great husband, and my best friend in the world. Also i am very thankful for old friends and new friends a like who have made these past few months a lot more bareable in every way.
|Happy thanksgiving to all my friends here in Canada and if you live in the States and are reading this , then a Happy Columbus Day to you.
Thanks for reading and thanks for just being you, have a lovely day and see you soon.

The Gaybors

So in our new neighborhood we have become known as the gaybors and actually appreciate our little nickname which was given to us by Jeff. Matthew and I have and do really enjoy our new neighborhood and our neighbors, we love our house and are getting it done and in time it will be completed.
I have been doing all of the renovations myself for the last month as Matthew is not doing so well and is laid up with back pain and problems, and we are just waiting to hear from a surgeon on when he will have to have back surgery. It turns out what they thought was a ciatic nerve is actually a herniated disc in his back which is putting pressure on his ciatic nerve. I feel so bad for him and it do what I can to help and make him feel better. He is in bed most days and gets up to eat and watch tv with me most days. Once surgery is done, it will be really hard as he will basically be trapped upstairs in the house while recovering.
I have been mudding and taping the drywall in our house and building little thing and working as much as I can. I have also been doing a few things for our one neighbor like refinishing his front stairs and front of his house, fixing his shed door and building skirting for around the bottom of the shed, also patching a few hole in his drywall and plaster.
I have been trying to get it all done and still dealing with my damn headaches everyday. I go to one specialist in mid October and then another one in early December. Now it is just a matter of waiting and dealing with it as best I can. A lot of sleepless nights and extra time to do nothing but deal with the pain and headaches and live with it for now. I hate it , but I do what I have to do and get on with it. Somedays I get extremely bitchy and unfortunately take it out on Matthew, but he does the same, I guess that is part of marriage and it just happens.
Today I am going over to the neighbors for a few minutes and give the drywall mudding a third coat and then back here to build a new railing in the back porch, build my closet downstairs under the staircase and bring in some furniture tomorrow and get things done and set up. I want to hopefully have the house completed by the end of October, I know this is ambitious but I really want to see it done and I know this will make both Matthew and I feel better in some ways. I had been lacking a lot of ambition but am getting my desire back as of late after working next door and seeing what a finished house looks like and what a difference it makes for day to day living.
So time to get to work and get her done. You all have a great day. Thanks for reading and I will be back soon.

To My Family, Pissed off Now, Just wait a minute

To Patti, how dare you be pissed off at me and upset with me, yes how dare you and how dare you bring up my financials in public and tell me to get a job, where is your job, HUH?
I am so disgusted with you and am guessing that you feel the same about me and frankly i no longer give a fuck about it. I miss Bradley too and am sorry he passed away but you my dear are a lazy fat pig, so why don't you get a job, at least I have health issues which keep me from working at the moment, and what might your excuse be.
Unfortunately overweight is not an excuse or a health issue, so be pissed off at me for this too, you and your girls tell me I am too skinny I can say and say without a doubt at least 2 out of 3 of you are too fat. I am not done yet, how dare you tell me what to do and who I can talk about in my video, as a matter of fact I hope I get on the show now! And by the way I have a job, Just to let you know!Also you selling everything that Brad ever bought you and the kids, how dare you,did you need the money that badly, guess it will keep you unemployed and happily eating for at least another a year or two.

To Derek , you my dear young man are an idiot and a stupid little drunk and whatever, you have never held a job and did you know what your mom and Grandma did after your dad died, yes they went to the police and were going to have you removed, so keep on sticking up for them and all that, I can bring up so much shit about you, but I won't yet. You my young DNA relative unfortunately are the true reason your Grandparents never got to say good bye to their son, your father, get over it and if what you say is true , get fucking help and call the police. Oh and by the way, get a fucking life and a real place to live, a blow up air mattress at Mommies is not a home.And by the way you little asshole, quit calling down my home and house because at least I have a home and also to you I have a job. And sticking up for your sisters after all this time, what a switch for you, thought you were  all about you and none else at least that is the way you have acted over the years.
To Adrienne and James, well you two , i really have no use for, you use people while you are not talking to others and then you buy people if you need them in your life, yes you do! You tried to buy Mom and Dad for years and now you are buying back Patti and the kids, and the spawn of Michelle and Jays. Yes spawn, whatever!
Though I do have to thank you and James for trying to buy Matt and I for a bit, we got some great stuff with those walmart giftcards, guess i won't be getting one this year, just give mine to Patti, that should help you lift your conscience a bit more, must be hard not to talk to someone for three years and then all of a sudden they are dead, can't imagine the guilt!
By the way tell your Fat Husband to phone here and threaten to sue me again, I am ready and waiting. That is one of the only times he has phoned here. OH by the way you are FAT too, guess that gym is not working too well for you. Oh and by the way I did mourn for my brother which is more than I can say for you or your husband. You are pathetic and please feel free to comment about this, using your real name for a change.
So Good Luck to you and James, Have fun and fuck off, as for your boys, I don't have anything to say and really don't give a shit, have never had two people semi related to me who I have felt more distant from until now. No need to say more, oh maybe just one more thing, as a decorator you suck and country is out, pick up a new magazine and read it. Not sure what they taught you at college but it is out of date if we look at your house.
Michelle, well as far as you are concerned , I think you are a total bitch, liar and money grubbing whore! Just my opinion, and I stand by that. As for your husband, useless and unfriendly as hell so I have little or nothing to say to him or about him, but watch what you say you little bitch, because eventually you will get what is coming to you, and please keep on sticking up for that fat bitch you call Auntie, maybe she will buy you and your spawn something else, good luck to you, I hope your child grows up to be nothing like you, at least then she will have a chance, glad you married for money, but always wonder what the hell Jay saw in you?
Charlene well here is to you and your son, both of you useless and drug induced to the fullest, I can not stand you or Kory and think of you never, You are a total bitch and a whore to the fullest extent, I wonder how many man have slept with you and been ashamed of it, probably all of them, as for Kory, I have nothing good to say about the little bastard, and unfortunately you didn't raise him so I can not blame you for that.
He is nothing but a pig, druggie and a drunk in every damn way, guess he inherited that from you. You lost your other three children and just so you know I helped with that and wrote a huge letter and talked with welfare on the phone so those three kids would have a chance, never will regret that decision and am so glad they grew up without you. You my dear are a cunt.
Cheryl, you are the worst of all, because you can never actually be honest and again like James you have to be drunk to call me, or need a place to stay, well you are welcome and thank you for that, I honestly thought of all the DNA relatives you would have at least stood up for me a little , but oh how wrong I was. I stood up for you years ago and quite frankly will never do it again. Your children all got your ex-husbands ways to deal with shit and I really want nothing to do with you all. I honestly thought you and I would be close for ever, this is not the case and I truly can say I am done, good luck to you and good bye, hope you actually read this for a change.
As for my parents, well  my father will never read this and I frankly do not care, he is so sick and has done it to himself and I am not upset this at all.  He may be a drunk , But I am sure to put up with the five kids he had, he had to be, 3 drunks, a whore and a fag! I am not defending him but really can you imagine. Yes he is an asshole and has been to me for many years.
As for my mother, she is actually the only person I love and care for and will ever forgive in this family.The rest of you can rot in hell or where ever you end up. I am done and this all needed to be said once and for all. Good luck and Good Bye to you all and Fuck Off.
This is a personal blog and I needed to write this to be done, if you don't like it, I must say it is the only way I contact this family in any way so I had to as I need to be done.

A week gone by

Well it has been an extremely busy week again and I have been working my ass off. My hubby has been really sick for over a week and his ciatic nerve has been acting up extremely bad and he has practically been bed ridden and is using a cane at the moment to get up and down the stairs.
The day after he got back from Vancouver he got sick, so I have been doing all the cleaning, cooking and still trying to get things done as far as our renovations , despite my damn headaches and being constantly in pain myself, though I would not change a thing because I know that Matt would do the same for me if the shoe were on the other foot.
Last night we went to St. Josephs Hospital for an MRI on his back to see what exactly is going on and what can be done and how quickly they can get their shit together and make my hubby better again.
So now a little about me, it has been a slow week here in the house cause I don't want to wake Matt when he is sleeping or resting so I have been doing what I can that is fairly quiet and needs to get done. Projects I have done this past week are build the last remaining wall in the dining room and house that had to go up, made another batch of pickles, gardening, and painting a book shelf and glass doors for it so it will be great in our fabulous bathroom.
This week I have to build a back for the book shelf and get that painted and then haul it up the stairs and put everything away and move the other cabinet into the backroom for a linen closet for sheets and stuff, the fun never ends , let me tell you.
Also this week I hope to get the rest of the electrical ran in the house and get some last little details done and then it is on to mudding and taping dry wall and redoing hardwood floors in the house and then we are ready to paint and start living in a clean and fabulous house.
Life is good. I go to two different specialists this week and then another one in 2 weeks, wow I am so tired of going to doctors and hospitals this last year and wish they would just figure everything out soon or give up, anyhow they are trying and doing their best and that is all they can do.
Will try and get on here more and write a bit more often, sorry it has been a while and thank you for reading, chat with you all soon and have a great night, Back to the Emmys now.

Selfish, REALLY

The true definition of Selfish:

self·ish

 [sel-fish] Show IPA

adjective

1.

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

2.

characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

 

This is the definition of selfish, things of which I am not, no matter what my DNA relatives or those married to them may say. 

Here are the reasons why I am not selfish in my opinion, I took time out of my personal life and flew from Vancouver to Alberta when our mother, your mother in law was diagnosed with cancer and spent weeks with her, when all of my siblings lived in Alberta and two of them within half an hour of her, I was the one to go out and look after her and spend time with her and my father and cook and lean meals for them both and help them out with what they really needed, except for maybe coming into Edmonton for a day after 3 weeks for an hour visit. Get real. I do not regret doing this as it was needed and to all of you , no I was not used, you were lazy!

Years ago when my older brother needed a place to live when working in Fort Nelson BC, I selfishly gave him a place to live free of charge and let him stay in my apartment for months, eat my food and sleep on my couch, selfish isn't it. 

When we all lived in Bowden I lent my older brother my car on a daily basis so he could drive back and forth to Calgary to work, not ever asking for anything in return.

When my one niece a baby and going through surgeries, I let family members stay at my apartment in Edmonton and went to visit her mother at the Ronald Mcdonald house every chance I had. These are all just a few examples of the help and dedication I have given to this family and helped them out, and yet I am the one that is called selfish, get over yourselves and please feel free to comment some more, as I said all bets are off and all secrets are coming out. Nothing will be held back and I am not going to pull any punches with any of you any longer.

I can mention a lot more things I have done for all of you and for others and I would do them again, not for you , but for those I actually do care about and love, you all do not fit into that category at all ever again. I no longer consider any of my family family , but that we share some of the same DNA and that is all. 

I have had it and yes I put my life out there publicly and I will continue to do so as i enjoy my blog and am happy with the video I have submitted to Big Brother Canada and will continue to do and say what I want and when I want to do and say it.

I said that I would not mention you all publicly and kept to my word until you all started slandering and saying stuff about me publicly, now enough is enough and all bets are off, so threaten to sue, threaten to kick my ass and say whatever you like, because I am telling you all I know longer give a shit and I am ready for a fight. What you have said has not hurt nor ruined my days in any way because I am just considering the source and looking at it from that point of view.

If you don't like what I write or what  I put on you tube, then don't look, don't read it, this is the reason I have blocked you all from face book and every other form of contact over the last 3 and 4 months. So my advice to you is do the same.

 

Wow, I am so much a better person

Just so you all know, I have done my Big Brother Video and have upset a few people by doing so and submitting what I have, well this is what I have to say to them oh fucking well!
I did what I did and I am not changing it for any of you so whatever, I am choosing to ignore your comments and all your petty remarks and I am living my life so please quit and go on and live yours. Mind your own damn business and just plain fuck off.
Calling me down and calling my house down does not hurt me at all and is quite frankly making you all look small, so keep it up, by the comments you all have posted on you tube, you have now gotten my fews up 3 times where they were before you started so please keep the comments coming and I will continue to block them and all your email addresses, I am quite enjoying this and am quite happily laughing about it and about you all, not crying at all, and definitely not hurt.
I have also decided since you all want to keep posting shit like this on a public forum, all bets are off and all secrets shall be posted here in my blog, even the reason my parents did not go to Brads memorial, so be careful what you say about me because the gloves are about to come off and I have nothing to loose. Good luck and thanks for nothing. I said in June I would not post anything about the family at all , but you guys figure it is all right to slander and defame my character, so I shall be truthful and write about you, and I mean all of you!

Dry Wall

Dry wall is going up and almost done. This week has been really busy for me and even more so with Matt in Vancouver. I Have drywalled most of the main floor and done most of the taping and mudding as well. Matt left Wednesday afternoon and Thursday and Friday I built a couple walls that had to go in, painted our dining room table and also did my video and sent in my audition for Big Brother Canada.
Yesterday Mara and I went shopping at Walmart with little Ryley and picked up so much shit that was needed here in the house to complete little jobs, today I have to go to Home Depot and the Liquor Store. I built the Bathroom Storage Cabinet last night and then put away everything in there.
Friday night , no sleep at all for me, I was awake from Friday morning till 1pm yesterday afternoon and then finally got a 2 hour nap in. Had an amazing dinner and Jeff and Mara house last night, Jeff Bar B Qd Steak and Brocolli, it was amazing and so nice not to have to eat alone.
Matt had his big party for his parents birthdays last night and it was lovely and long and full of speeches I am told. They had a great buffet dinner and showed video of birthday wishes from everyone. I wish Megan a happy 90th birthday and Bert a happy 85th. Congrats to you both and may we be celebrating your birthdays for many years to come.
Today I am going to try to finish a bit of the dry wall and hopefully get our built in entertainment unit under the stairs started, I am no carpenter, but am learning I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I am determined to get this shit done and start painting in the next week and then do floors.
Life is good and I am happy, headaches are still really bad though I go on and do whatever the hell I can, Have a great day and thanks for checking out.

Our Long Weekend

Well it has been a few days since I have been on here again and that is because we have been really busy here in the house and doing shit around here and getting it done. We have been putting up drywall, a new door on the bathroom and Matt has done some more tiling in the bathroom as well. I hung the new chandelier in the dining room and ran the electrical for that.
On Saturday night we had Matt's birthday party, it was a great time and lots of friends and new friends. Matt and I invited our good friends Wayne, Nancy, Jeff and Mara. We also invited other friends Wayne, Kevin and Suzanne, who I have a different nick name for. Our new friends that we made and invited were all from the street, Peggy and Jackie, Flora, and Louisa, and her parents Dave and Theresa.
Everyone brought food and we had a great time, Matt got red wine and some really nice cuban cigars, all of which he loves. Also Mara made the most beautiful birthday cake for Matt, that girl needs to get into baking or something creative because let me tell you everything she makes we both love. She is just amazing, and I consider her to be not only a great friend now , but more like a younger sister.
Wayne brought coleslaw, other Wayne brought Roast Beef, Paggy and Jackie brought amazing appetizers, Nancy brought us munchies and veggies and dip, Louisa made amazing Lasagne, Flora made veggies, and I must say the most amazing meal. OMG
Matt and I made chickens, potato salad and pasta salad. We had so much food and so many leftovers that we won't have to cook for a week. Thank god because I will be here alone for a week starting Wednesday.
Matt is flying to Vancouver for his parents birthday. His Mom will be 90 next Friday and his Father will be 85, they are having a huge party and dinner for them. I am so glad he is going to see them and spend time with them, as an only child, it must be hard for all three of them and i know that Matt`s dad misses him alot and will be so glad to see him there.
He is also going to go and visit and few friends and see them for a bit, It will be a great time for him and a well deserved break from the house stuff here as well. I plan to keep on plugging along here and getting shit done in the house. I am also going to work on and submit my video for Big Brother Canada so please help me get on there. I am asking everyone one to support me if I get one the show. I know I can do it and know that I will be good television, just because I said so, LOL.
Well that is all for today, feeling a bit under the weather so going to say good bye for now and Happy Labor day to you all.

Working Our Butts Off

Matt and I have been crazy busy over the last week getting things done in our little house. Last week we hung and place all the kitchen cabinets and finished running all the electrical in the kitchen and dining room. Yesterday we put up drywall in the dining room and work on the box for above the cupboards so we don't have a damn dust collection area. Things are coming together and we are slowly but surely getting everything done and finished. Next week Matt is gone for seven days and I am going to have to get some finishing stuff done in the house here, Wayne is suppose to come over and help me to get the painting started in certain rooms, will be so nice to have things done and a finished feeling even if it is just one room.
Today so far we had to clean up water in part of the basement because last night was a down pour of rain and quite the storm here in Toronto and our neighbors have moved a part of their eaves and now we are getting water in a part of the basement where we should not be. What a pain in the ass, we had to move boxes and my clothes and all my damn shoes. Hope they straighten out what ever the hell they have done, we need to sit down and talk with them tonight, this is one of the only downfalls of living in a semi attached house.
For the rest of the day we  have lots to do and I plan to get the new dining room light hung and working, can't wait to get it done and then next week I can run electrical upstairs and be done with all of that and seal up the rest of the walls and then all we have left is the finishing touches here in the house, Yay.

Comments really , get a backbone,leave your name please!

This is a comment left after all the drama this summer, and they didn't even have the guts to leave their name. I thought I should post their opinion of me and I do know who wrote this but do not care to share this info.  Comment was left for me in June!!!!!





Really Michael, you're a drama queen. I've been following your blog for a while now and wish you'd place blame where it belongs...with you! To me, you haven't accepted the fact that you are gay. You say everyone has a problem accepting you, YOU have the problem accepting who you are. Everyone else is to blame for your problems. You talk about 'drunk/drug' addicted family members but do you realize how much you blog about your drinking and 'good times'. You sir/madam, give gay people a bad name. Enjoy your day and place blame on me for this comment for ruining your day. Stop it!!!!

Things are coming together

Well yesterday was a super productive day, we got so much done and I am so proud of my hubby. He worked his ass off even though he was not feeling 100%.
I finally cut all the pipes out of the old bathroom, by doing so I found that the previous owners had removed not only the flooring, but part of the subfloor and he also cut one of the beams , what a jack ass!
Now I have to fix the flooring, put in sub-floor and sister up a couple of the floor beams to support our floor up there so we can walk, it is a wonder that tub never fell though with us in it, crazy!
Matt and I got the kitchen wall drywalled and the upper cabinets up above the sink and the cabinets and island finally in place, I am so damn excited , now I can unpack more of our stuff which is sitting in the garage.My hubby was so great yesterday and we both worked our asses off to get this done and get things organized as he is leaving in two weeks to go to Vancouver for his moms 90th birthday and his dads 85th birthday. It will be a good break for him and a great celebration and good time for his parents.
Today I am going to get a few things done in the house and then I am going to go and give Jeff and Mara their wedding gift. Matt and I rarely do any sort of gift giving , but when we do we do something that we think is practical or really wanted and what people need fulfilled in their lives, and we love Jeff and Mara, feels weird this week that they are not here.
So the weekend was a good time for both Matt and I , on Saturday we went out with Jeff and his friends Shawn and Melissa and Jay, it was a great time and we had so much fun with all of them. They were a fun bunch of people to meet and go out with. On Sunday we went to Jeff and Mara wedding and my god , what a blast and a great wedding, now they n=know how to throw a celebration. I want to congratulate both of them and just say that Mara has become like a little sister and Jeff is so amazing , we were just blessed to meet them and so happy to join in their special day, what a joy.
Any time for me to get my ass in gear and get things done. hope you all have a great day and we will talk to you soon, Thanks for checking out my blog.

Dear Bradley

Well Bradley, It has been almost 3 months since you left us and I have to say there is not a day gone by when I don't think of you in someway at some point. I hate the fact that i can not give you a call and hear your voice or ask for some advice on our renovations and just the way you use to tease me at times makes me smile to this day.
I have to add that I hope you are not disappointed in me as you watch down on all of us. I tried to reconnect with the family and by doing so I have only disconnected more. Yes a lot of this is my fault but it does take two to tango as they say.
I have not spoken to Mom and Dad since my birthday, also not spoken to Charlene or James since the day of your service and this is fine though it truly hurts a lot of the time and I miss it all. I was getting really close with your girls but at last Adrienne and I had a disagreement and all hell broke loose, that was the end of that. Cheryl and I have not talked in a while either and I just need to separate from all the family for a while.
Well Brad I know I am no angel, but just so you know I did try.
I can honestly say that I miss you a lot and really hate the fact that you are gone. When you first passed away I hated everything for the first little while and was always sad and just kept as busy as I possibly could. This did not work and then I cursed god and said if there was a god he would not do this to you and your family, especially Patti and the kids. I have never been a strong believer in god , and now with you taken from us so early I am really not a believer. That being said I do believe in other things and a higher power just not a god per say.
I really miss talking to you and somedays when I have a headache or am not well, I just need to hear a friendly voice, that would be you.I have place a time capsule in our walls with a picture of you, your obituary and things and stories from our childhood.
I am not sure I will get over the fact of loosing you and if things will ever get back to normal, though they are getting better just in a very different way. Things get different I guess. I sit here somedays and just cry for no reason at all, I just want you to know I miss you. I really wish I had the chance to say goodbye and had seen you more. Being far away somedays is just hard, but on the other hand, it is nice to be so far away from everyone.
Well Bradley, whereever you are I hope it is great and I miss you. I can't even imagine how hard this is for patti and the kids. Love you and miss you.

Get er done

Well we are still moving ahead and getting everything done in the house. yesterday and the day before we ripped out the old bathroom which has expanded the back bedroom tremendously and made our tv/spare room a nice size. We are going to put the hide a bed in there with Matthews desk and a TV and our xbox so we can play games and relax a bit.
Tearing down the wall was a hard thing to do and the mold that we found underneath the old tub surround was just disgusting and well really not a big shock considering what use to live here and who did the work, what an ass he is.
We are going to have a slip cover made for the hide a bed in a silvery blue and then i want to paint the floors white or grey, the walls 3 a dark brown and one a silver blue and then we have a really nice grey throw rug for there, I think it will look nice when completed.
Kitchen is coming along great as well and most of all the electrical on the main floor has been run, the rest is put on hold for this month as I need to but special wire for the wall oven and hood fan, we also need to purchase a hood fan and get it up there, so much to do, but man it is going to be so worth it, I just love our little house.
The garden is coming up great and I have frozen many bags of swiss chard and beans thus far, we have also enjoyed a lot of radishes and fresh spinach and lettuce on a daily basis. The cucumbers are coming up now and we got at least 5 really big ones thus far and there are so many more out there, I am going to have to learn how to make pickles this year, yay homemade pickles, can't wait for those.
Turnips and cauliflower is also coming up really good along with the cabbage, carrots and beets. I am so proud of our little garden. Flower beds and lawn which I planted in the back yard are also doing great and I got my minature roses to grow and start blooming.
Anyhow today will be a day of dry walling and taping and mudding upstairs and get the done. Also need to make a linen cupboard at the top of the stairs outside the bathroom. I am so excited by what we have done because we litterally got to plan and make this house exactly what we wanted and it is now ours. May do a little electrical for what i have the wiring for but who knows.
Headaches are still fairly bad for me and sleep is eratic, but at least I am getting some, just never enough it seems. The new pills I tried form the doctors did not work at all and I am a little sad by this but life goes on and so do I.
Also want to send out a congrats to Mara and Jeff who are getting married this Sunday, our fab neighbors and great friends. The perfect couple and what I would call a Barbie and Ken, they just have it all, looks and personality, and I do mean both of them. But my oh my , Mara is probably the hottest mother on the block.
Anyways hope you both have a great wedding and congrats to you , wishing you years of happiness from Matt and I.
Well thats all for now Folks, have a great week and a splendid weekend and I will be back with more blogging very soon.

Headaches and Renovations

Well it hasn't been a very productive week, but things have gotten done and we have struggled on and through things to move forward. my headaches have been getting progressively worse and my sleep patterns are very scattered at this point and time. Last Friday and Saturday I never slept at all, same with Tuesday and Wednesday night of this week, it has been crazy.
I am not sure I can stand the pain some days but struggle through and move on and try to get some stuff done.
I will be living with these headaches for the rest of my life it looks like unless they can figure out what is the cause of the Horners Syndrome and treat that, ridiculous. But I know that my doctor is trying and I feel so bad for him as well as I know that he is totally frustrated at the fact that he sees me in pain and he can't do much for it. I am very lucky to have such a great doctor and I know that he is trying, he is constantly in touch with me and emails me with whatever new information he has and if I have any concerns I email him and he gets back to me as soon as possible.
So this week on the house we accomplished a few things and I am very proud of both of us and what we have done. We got the driveway raked, leveled and weeded which has helped with water drainage as the grade was not appropriate at all before and is now much better. I have also got a bit of the electrical done and just waiting to go and buy one more spool of wire for the house and get it all run and done. And pull all that old knob and tube which was not suppose to be in the house at all. After all the new wires are run, drywall goes up and then we just need to do the finishing touches, I can see the end in sight and am very happy. This week is back to work and get some stuff done.
I have some gardening to do this week, and more beans and spinach to cut off and freeze for winter or whenever, we have gotten a lot of veggies already, like fresh radishes to eat, spinach for salads and green and yellow beans, also some beets and so much more.
Today not too much going on, may go to the Taste of The Danforth and check things out, but you never know, will see waht the day brings and how I feel. Taste of the Danforth is kind of a Greek Festival held here in Toronto every year a few blocks away. Lots of fun.
Anyhow going to run for now and go out side and check the garden. Have a great weekend and talk to you soon, Bye for now.

sleepless nights

Well my long weekend was a total bust and I felt so bad for Matt as when I get ill and have bad headaches , he also seems to pay the price when my moods and stuff get worse due to a lack of sleep and extreme pain. I love him so much and hate when I hurt him because I am suffering in anyway.
Friday night for me was the first of my two very sleepless nights I finally got to sleep and to bed at a little after 5am and then awoke at 7:30am, a whopping 2 and 1/2 hours of tossing and turning , but sleep no the less. Then on Saturday my headaches were so bad and the pain was just a tremendous jumble of everything from my eye being half closed to the feeling of a little man behind my eye constantly poking at me with a fork. Not fun at all. Even trying to nap on Saturday afternoon was unsucessful in every way imaginable, yuck.
Then Saturday night I thought being so tired from the night before I would manage to get some sleep but hell to the no, I was awake till 6:30am and sat on facebook playing some slot machine game till I finally fell asleep lying on the couch so I would not disturb Matt at all, woke up around 10am with the same bloody pain and full on headache which stuck around all day long for Sunday.
All I did was lie on the couch and thank you pain for making me miss Turkey dinner at Waynes' with all the damn fixings. Matt went for dinner , and I am thankful for that as when he is home with me and I am sick , he is constantly asking if I am ok and checking up on me, sweet. He went to Waynes house and had turkey dinner with them and I am glad he went out and had a good time. He got home around 11pm and I was still lying on the couch and had just taken some more of my lovely pills which only work a 1/3 of the time now, please find something that works soon, Thank you.
I got to sleep last night around 3 and finally got a full 6 hours in, so nice and I woke up this morning with the worst pain imaginable in behind my eye, Can someone please remove the little man with the fork from back there just for a day even?
Today I have not accomplished a single thing and that is fine with me as I realize I need to catch up on some sleep and get my head back in the renovating game for this week. Talked to an old friend pf mine from school the other day on the phone and we caught up a bit, that was nice, thank you for the conversation Carol, so nice to hear your voice, I think this week I need to call Sandi and catch up with her a bit and see how things are going. Also going to give Nev a call up in Edmonton and catch up, been so long and really need my girls back in my life again, they mean so much to me and I just miss them all so much.
Any how hope you all have a great remaining long weekend and a Happy Pride to all of Vancouver. Take care and thanks for reading.

headaches and horners syndrome

Hello all, my horners syndrome is getting worse lately and my eye is seeming to be a lot more closed, it is hard somedays to have any light or be outside if it is really nice out. if you do not know what horners is here is the definition is the combination of drooping of the eyelid (ptosis) and constriction of the pupil (miosis), sometimes accompanied by decreased sweating of the face on the same side; redness of the conjunctiva of the eye is often also present. It indicates a problem with the sympathetic nervous system, a part of the autonomic nervous system. Medical imaging and response to particular eye drops may be required to identify the location of the problem and the underlying cause.^{[1]
My biggest problem with this is it also causes unbarable headaches and I can barely function somedays due to the pain and they can not treat Horner's Syndrome appropriately until they find the underlying cause, so for now I take different pills trying to stop the headaches and subside my pain, basically meaning that I just have to live with this, not a lot of fun or anything that I care to live with ever.
Yesterday the headaches and pain were so bad that on Sunday night I did not get to sleep until around 5am and then was awake by 7:30am, so I managed to get a whole 2 and 1/2 hours sleep. yuck. I phoned my doctor and he managed to get me in right away to see him. Thank god, so we rode our bikes downtown and Matt came with me to the doctor. To say the least the headaches are just getting worse and so is my eye. I need the doctors to find out the cause soon, this is becoming a hassle for living my daily life and is also affecting Matt as when I am sick and have headaches, he is so concerned and tries so hard to help me deal with the pain.
I am still on my tylenol 3 for the headaches and also another pill and now on oxycodene as well for the pain, at least on that last night I got some sleep. Felt so good to get my 7 hours of sleep. 
So there you go, hopefully they will find the cause soon and be able to treat that and then with any luck the headaches will stop. Have a great day.}

A week in review

Our week has been very subdued and we have been flying under the radar as of late and both been back and forth with different days of sickness here. I have had the most upset stomach ever this last week and that is okay as I know it is from the tylenol and at least the headaches seem to go away with the more I take.
Headaches seem to be getting worse for me lately and yesterday I could barely see out of my eye and this was a real hassle. Oh well life goes on and so do we right?
I have been working in the garden all week and doing stuff around the house and little by little feeling a sense of accomplishment. It is all good. Yesterday I sewed two sets of drapes for the front doors. They look really good and forgive me for saying but now if I come down the stairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water or something I don't have to get dressed or throw on my robe, uh perfect.
You know how it is , you get up in the middle of the night, can't sleep and don't really feel like looking for something to throw on , you just wanna go and sit on the couch and grab a cupcake and a glass of pop, just relax and be you.
last night Miss Mara came by and made cupcakes with Matt, well Matt was suppose to help, but to no avail he did a little and then let her take care of it, she is an amazing baker, my god, it is amazing I don't weigh 400 lbs with a neighbor like that.
As I said before I also managed to get some of the electrical I ran all hooked up and a few more to go, lots more to run and things are looking great, everything working perfectly thus far, I am happy and so is Matt. So that is all for now, it is the weekend and we are just relaxing, will do some more sewing tomorrow if I can muster the energy and get through it all. So for now I bid you all an amazing weekend and will be back soon.
By the way I need everyones supports and comments on why I would be a great contestant and addition to the big brother Canada house. Wish me luck and please leave comments as to why I should be on the show.

More and More Renovations

Well it has been another very busy week and I am not sure where I have left off with what I have told you all about our renovations so here I go and I will tell you a few more things we have accomplished and a lot more of what we have to do.
To start off I have to say I rewired the garage and put up out door lights outside the garage and installed a ceiling fan inside the garage to help cool off and circulate the air in their. I am actually getting good at his stuff. Monday I did some work in the garden and same with Tuesday and I weeded the driveway, so many little things to get done and out of the way, but it sure is fricken nice to be getting things done and even nicer when the neighbors notice. Yesterday we finally got our gas stove hooked up and the gas ran to the deck for our Bar B Q whenever we can find a bloody conversion kit for it, will be so nice not to have to run and grab propane every damn time, hard to do without a car.
Also yesterday afternoon I hooked up some of the new electrical that I have ran, I am really quite happy and proud the shit actually worked and also the house didn't burn down. Just kidding. I am doing quite well on everything I have had to do here in the house and so is Matt, this will be our little masterpiece when we are all finished and everything is done we will have a kick ass fucken house.
The dogs and cats are doing very well with all the renovations as well in the house and have gotten quite use to the turmoil and mess and noise that we seem to make all day long while we are working, gotta love how they just get used to everything.
Sparky and Nadia have been out everyday and Sparky seems to stay out all day and then he comes home around 7 every night. I am not sure what he is doing out there for so long , but every once in a while he brings home a lovely gift and meets us at the back door with one of his kills from the week. Always nice, but what the hell can you do, the circle of life as they say.
Nadia has brought her fair share back here as well including one that was totally alive and got loose in the house, always fun  to try and catch a bird flying around your house and hiding behind appliances, not so much fun to move damn it.
Rogue and Storm love the neighborhood and also love their little walks around the block and here when we go out side for our little breaks and a nice cold ice tea or cooler after the hard days work is done. I just have to say again that we really love our little hood and we are doing quite well here. Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Life is good , need I say more, not tonight, but soon.

Our Saturday Night

Last night was amazing and we had a small get together and Bar B Q. It was amazing and so much fun, Matt made Rotiserie Chicken and his famous bar b q ribs, I made fresh spinach salad from the garden and a fruit salad. We also had fresh veggies and dip which Nancy brought over.
The company last night mad it a perfect night and let me just tell you we had the most amazing mix of people here for dinner and for conversation and drinks. Wayne came over with Jade and brought us Macaronni Salad, Wayne Howell also came by and had dinner, It was so nice to see him and visit and show everyone our home. Our neighbors Mara and Jeff were also here for dinner and as always they are a great time and always a joy to be with. Nancy and Ann also were here with Anns new puppy Ben, He is so cute and so active, not sure I could do the puppy thing again.
Later on Louisa from 3 doors down dropped by as well and she is just a riot, we are so lucky again to be where we are and have the neighbors we have here.
I want to thank Nancy for all the lovely veggies and snacks she brought over for us, amazing and this dip she brought was just terrific.
We all sat out back on the deck until 1am when people slowly departed, Matt, Louisa, Jeff and I were there till well after 1:30, god what a blast and so damn much fun, can't wait to do this again.
Yesterday morning we did a garage sale and that was also a lot of fun and we made a few extra dollars which was great and an added bonus.
Also this week I got what I think may be a job to give us a bit of extra money, yay! I am going to go and decorate a house and organize it for one of our neighbors which will be so much fun for me as it is something that I truly enjoy. I am so happy to be here.
Also for those who do not know I am auditioning for Big Brother Canada and already started to make my new Audition tape, I may have the chance to live out a life long dream and go on a reality tv show. Wish me luck. Love you all and have a great night, be back soon. Tomorrow I have to finish running electrical in the house and get things up and running and all new here in the house. I have to say I am doing quite well at it and I am so happy with the progress we have made here in the house. Matt and I are an amazing team.

Great Neighbors

Just to say it again, we have great neighbors here and we all seem to work together and get along great, at least on this side of the street anyways, Next to Mara and Jeff is Stephanie and Wes , another young couple who seem to be also very outgoing and friendly. To proof my point , Matt and I were standing out in front of Jeff and Mara house last night having a visit , Wes came out and visited for a bit, then Xavier came out , then Louisa and her husband Mike came by, soon after we were having a small neighborhood party. It was great!
Next saturday we are going to try and have a block garage sale, already talked to Flora, Jeff and Mara, Wes and Stephanie, Louisa, have to talk to Peggy and Jackie and Xavier yet. But I am sure we can have a great sale and a good weekend for the whole block.
The more I get to know our neighbors , the more I just love it here and getting to know them seems like a huge pleasure everyday. Perfect. Matthew and I truly lucked out when we bought the house here and are thankful everyday that we did. We are truly happy here and get along with all of our neighbors well thus far. It amazes me that you can feel this close to people who you hardly know it such a short time, especially in such a large city as Toronto, but we do.
I never even felt this much friendliness in one neighborhood that I have ever lived, just goes to show you , you never know, everything happens for a reason. We are very happy for those reasons what ever they may be.
Xavier brought me plants last night for watching his house this week and being there on thursday while the A/C was installed for him. I also helped Jim and Deanna move in their new appliances yesterday, Hopefully some good karma will come my way soon. All I have to say is our neighbors our neighbors are now are we friends and we are thankful to all of them and for all of them. You make us feel like we are home and that we belong, no better feeling in the world.

Today

Today I am up early again and going over to the neighbors to wait for their air conditioner installer to come by as he is at work. I never mind helping our neighbors and it will hopefully bring some good karma our way. So far in our new neighborhood, everyone is great and very friendly, we really lucked out when we moved here and purchased this house.
We have the best neighbors constantly bringing us plants, and other little things like lattice for the back yard garden, fresh baked banana bread and cookies, Matthews favorites. Have to say this is the happiest I have been in a long time and am so glad to have the people that I have in my life right now. It makes me happy to know that you get to choose your friends and when they choose you back it is even better.
Yesterday I got the bathroom walls sanded and did a second coat of the filler and today I am going to sand that and then paint and put the wall cabinet in place. After that I may start on the staircase and start sanding and getting it ready for paint. I think that will be more than enough for one day. Then tomorrow I can stain the stairs and paint the sides and backs of the stair case. I think it will look really nice when we are done. We have completed so much and have our dream bathroom now with the large oval soaking tub, body sprayers on our shower head and a classic black and white tile theme with a few red accents to be thrown in for color.
I also redid some old crystal chandeliers for upstairs on the stairwell, in the bathroom and the back spare bedroom.
The garden is coming up really well so far and I try to water it every night because we have had a great and very hot summer thus far with very little rain and believe me you , I am not complaining I am very happy about this and would rather water a garden and flowers than live in a rainy wet environment. Love my sun.
The dogs and cats are also loving the warm weather and Sparky and Nadia are out running around every day, the dogs go out with Matt and I to sit on the front porch and drink a coffee, Rogue just lies there and suntans like a little girl, she loves her sun too.
Well time to get my butt in gear and get some stuff done here in our little house. Have a great day and hope you are all well. talk to you soon. The gaybors!

Mid week already

Well it will be Wednesday tomorrow and Matt is still very sore and not able to do anything this week in the house, rather have him healthy so want him to rest as needed and get totally better so we can get back to work on the house.
I myself have been suffering from the worst headaches that I have had in the last year, Went to the doctor today and have been given an increase in my pills and he has made a referal to the top neurologist in Canada and hopefully I will get into see her in a year if I am lucky. I also have another specialist appointment on August 30 and that will be good as well, have seen this one three times already since last November.
Oh well such is life, as for this I am just learning to deal with it as best I can. Who the hell knows.
That is all I have to say about headaches, doctors and health for now.
I have been chatting nightly with my niece Alicia every day via email and am so glad for that , she is such a great girl and so grown up for 15, she has gone out and gotten a summer job and everything and was so determined to do so. I am very proud of her and enjoy our talks.
Other than that today was a very non productive day, I painted the trim for the bathroom mirror, did a couple little things in the house, made dinner and then baked cookies. So not too bad.
Anyhow not a lot to say right at the moment, but I will talk with you soon and be back later in the week. Thanks for reading and peace out to you all.

My Favorite Niece

This is for my favorite niece, yes Alicia, you are my favorite and I am so damn proud of you for getting a job and just for being you. You beat all odds in your life and you keep in going, you are a perfect example of strength and what a strong person is.
I am so lucky to have you in my life and to you and to you only I apologize for cancelling my face book, because I truly enjoyed our daily conversations and playing mall world with you. I know that things have probably been harder for you since Brad is gone and I understand that, you were his little daredevil girl.
I really hope that you will stay in touch with me via email and just keep on being a strong person and phone me if you ever want to talk.

Alicia was  with my younger brother when he had his accident and I can not imagine what that might have been like, her and I have talked about it and she told me everything from that night and I got a point of view and first hand what happened by the one person who was there. I am thankful that she was not hurt at all as well.
After Brad passed Alicia and I got to become very close, first of all during my week in Alberta and then through face book. Today she emailed me and asked why I never mention her in my blog. I have now and want you to know I love you girl. Keep up the great work and congrats again on the job and on your report card and passing grades.
Take care and stay in touch.

A Lazy Day

Well i have to report that we had a very lazy day here in the Allter house today, which is fine, lately with all the stress I have been under by certain people my headaches have gotten worse and now I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and get new pills to help with the Horners Syndrome. It seems to be getting a lot worse lately which is a bit scary but fine, I am learning to deal with it.
I have an appointment this month with another head specialist and then more tests. So happy about that, not....
I do what I can and have tried everything that I am suppose to, nothing seems to work and my eye is getting worse to the point where I can't even go outside some days. Oh well there are worse off than myself.
So back to my lazy day, All that I got accomplished today was to put up our new mailbox, paint a flower pot, finish painting the corner trim for the mirror for the bathroom, and weeded the garden a little. I also made a practical joke gift for our NAYBOR, gave them 2 can that I painted and made into ashtrays and an old coffee can for butts, thought it was cute and creative.
Yesterday I got all the drapes washed and hung so now the house is darker and so much nicer to sit in and all those damn plastic blinds can come down soon. God I hated them.
Went and had a visit last night with the Naybors again and the lovely Mara gave us some fabulous banana bread again, my word that was amazing.
Anyhow tomorrow is another day and hopefully I can get something better than the pills I take currently to help me to get over the headaches. Till then have a great day everyone and we will talk to you soon. Ta ta from the gaybors!

Seriously..........

If there is a glimmer of truth isn't that when it hurts and bothers people. I know it is because people use to call me gay and it would hurt like hell.
I write what I want to write on here and I do this under my name and do not hide behind any false pretenses or names or pretend to be anyone else ever.
If you want to write me comments or whatever pertaining to anything I write or have ever written at least have the courage to do it as you, I have the courage to live as I am and as who I am.
I am Michael and i am a 42 year old gay male who is married and disassociated myself with what use to be family.
I do not regret what I write or anything I say on here about anyone ever, this is called freedom of speech and I write things as I see them at the time I write them. If I say something to offend you then call me out on , don't get your spouse to do your dirty work and please don't phone me or my spouse.
I refuse to mention my family that I use to belong to on here at all because those are just wasted words and I am proud of what I write and who I am. I wish they would all just do the same and please try to forget I exist, I have been working on forgetting you all exist every day and yes it does get easier.
I do not wish any of you any ill or bad things but do want you all to respect my wishes and leave us alone, this is why we as a couple choose to live in Toronto.
And to those of you who said to get off my ass and get a job, I will have you know I work my ass off every day, unlike some of you!

My To Do List......

My to do list keeps getting longer and longer and for all of you who sit back and tell me to get a job, let me tell you, I already have one and it is not an easy one at all, I may not get paid in cash like most people but I do work hard and the pay will be an amazing house for us to live in for a very long time.
Matthew and myself both work very hard on the house and we both work at least 8 hours a day, usually a lot more, doing what we are great at, Matt has redone all the plumbing and doing the tiling in the bathroom and framing walls, blocking and replacing ceiling beams and working his ass off on a daily basis, just so we can have the beautiful home we always wanted.
I on the other hand am doing other things like dry walling, mudding and taping, running new electrical, redoing the hardwood floors and then the finishing stuff like paint, wallpaper, and staining the floors.  I have also insulated the walls and ceilings in the house and we are moving along quite well and getting things done at a very nice pace. I love our little house.
Anyhow over the next while this is my to do list, I need to finish wiring the bathroom, start wring the kitchen, wire both bedrooms and then the dining room and living room. Once all the wring is done, we can get the dry wall up, mud and tape it all and then the floors can be finished and we can paint. Doesn't sound like a hole lot of stuff to do, but it actually all takes a lot of time and will keep me busy for a while.
The reward of this will be when Matt and I finish and we can sit back and look at everything we have done and then maybe start again on a flip house, who knows. We are good at renovating and are now experienced and at least when we decorate it doesn't look like a dead animal hunting lodge like some peoples houses in Alberta who are supposed decorators, oh well to each their own.
Today I am going to try and sand the rest of the bathroom that I need to and get it painted back there so Matt can put in the shelving unit and we can start dismantling the old bathroom and set up the configuration of the spare room(man cave).
Life is grand and I am getting back to me, thanks to my new family which is made up of Matt, our animals and a few very good friends. Hope you all have a happy Sunday and I will be back soon, smiles and hugs from your gaybors.

married a year

Well yesterday was our one year wedding anniversary and it was amazing and we had such a great size and went out for a bit, not too long , but a bit. Matt and I were married on July 6th last year at Toronto city hall and we had a great simple perfect wedding, our anniversary was much the same.
We went out last night for dinner with Wayne and a friend of his Steven to an amazing Pasta place on Yonge and Front Street call Hot House, really good pasta and great service and the views to people watch, let me tell you, now those were amazing. After dinner the four of us went to see a stand up comedian , a new experience for me! We "won" the tickets from Boom 97.3, thank you. The comedian was Aziz Ansari at the Sony Centre. Great show, I found his opening comedian a bit funnier than him, or maybe a lot more relatable as a person. It was a great show though, then the four of us went our for a quick drink at Zippers and got to see my friend Jason the bartender, known him for over 10 years now and also listened to the piano stylings of a friend of mine Kendall. A great night. After that we came home sat on the couch and just sat together , then went out and had a cigarette with Jeff after he got home from work. A great end to a great day. Thank you to all that were there and for the simple things in life , like friends, being with the one you love and not taking any of that for granted.
Matt has been a bit under the weather lately and we have not gotten a lot accomplished , but we are still working and doing stuff everyday here in the house. i got the bathroom sanded and am getting ready for paint in there this week. I have also been working on the electrical and was up in the attic the other day, the hottest day of the year so far here in Toronto. Anyhow we are getting it done and we are doing it our way.
Have a great day and an amazing weekend and we are off to enjoy starting year number 2 of married life together. talk to you later

Stat for you all

1 of every 20 people born is gay. That means 1 of every 20 people is instantly put down, given bad labels, left alone, put in minority, and so much more, just because of who they are. Many gay teens are turning to suicide as a way of escaping. If you want to tell them to hold their heads high, and that you respect them for who they are.

 This is just a small stat for you all and just to let you all know, this is what I went through most days while growing up and still go through a lot of prejudices now, though I have learned that it does not always matter what the world thinks of me and my lifestyle, but if I have friends and family that stand beside me then I will be fine and I can hold my head up and be who I am always. What others think and how they judge me and other gays is unfair but I guess we all discrimanate in some ways at some point in our lives.

 I am true to myself in every way and am who I am not only by my creation but by the way I was raised and what life has dealt me along the way. 

Tuesday is here again

Well it is Tuesday and it is time to go back to work and do some stuff in the house. Yes we took the weekend off , but not to sit around and drink and get drunk all weekend , but to relax and visit with friends and just enjoy ourselves for a change. It has been so long since we took some time for us and a break from doing the renovations around here, it was a nice change and a good break. We got to hook up with Wayne Howell and see him and go out and ran into Davinci and then on the weekend we got to go and see Cory Hart, who hasn't done a concert in over 10 years and the best part was it was all for free.
We also got to spend sometime with Nancy and Ann and meet the new little puppy Ann got, so damn cute. And of course we got to see Wayne who I must say happy birthday today.
The dogs and cats here are very happy to have their bed set back up in our spare room. Rogue crawls into bed there every night and goes to sleep. She loves having the double bed, Storm and Nadia usually go up and join her for a great nights sleep, Sparky on the other hand just lies down here and sleeps on one of the blue storage bins here in the living room.
All and all life is good and things go on everyday and Matt and I are all the family we truly need, with our lovely animals and a few great friends to surround us. Friends make better family than family does. This month is going to be another stressful one with renos until we are done the kitchen and the bathroom completely, I feel that after these two rooms are completed every other room will seem to be so damn easy. Looking forward to it.
Anyways not too much to report today, going to get to work now after a cigarette and coffee outside with the dogs and check on the garden. Have a great day and talk to you all soon.