On me way to see the husband

Well I finally did it, I got the flight booked and ma headed to Vancouver for 10 days to spend with my hubby. I arrive tomorrow morning and am looking so forward to it. I have never missed anyone quite so much and will be so glad when I get to give him a big kiss and a hug when he meets me at the airport. We are also going to have a small informal party to celebrate our wedding on August 6th. Not too many people from Vancouver that I care to invite, but there is few I would love to see and to have there to celebrate.
I do not now regret leaving Vancouver for I am happy, I am married to the man I love and there is such a positive energy around me, I just want to get up and go in the mornings and do stuff and have fun and live. Toronto is invigerating for me and just wonderful in every way.er I would be done on the phone with him.
Going to vancouver will be bitter sweet in many ways, I get to spend time with my husband, see his parents and a few friends that I have left there, but eventually I have to leave my husband again and come back here. That is the saddest part and I hate it when we have to leave each other. When Matthew left here i think I cried for 2 days at the drop of a hat, it was just weird, I cried from song, a movie or even just seeing his picture or after I would get off the phone with him. Eventually I will have to get used to not being with him all the time and soon enough we will be together all the time.

The Waiting Game

A game we all play, the waiting game, waiting to live , waiting to die, waiting for acceptance and waiting for love. Waiting for news from a friend or a loved one. Waiting for the phone to ring, or your favorite program to come on the television, waiting for the work day to end.I have learned how to live, found love, I have acceptance in my of my life and tolerance in most who I meet and have in my life. Waiting to die, well I hope I never do, though I know we all will at some point in our lives. This week I am waiting for my check and really need that to come in today or tomorrow. I have all the bills coming out in the next week and need to cover this stuff so it is done.
It is Pride week in Vancouver and in Montreal this week and I am sure it is in many other cities as well, I want to wish all my friends celebrating Pride where ever you are a very happy Pride and now after all is done we can wait for next year for it to come back and we can celebrate again. i try to celebrate my pride everyday of my life , because I am proud and not of just being gay , but of being a very strong, loving and outgoing, opinionated and loved gay man with many great friends and a very hot husband.
Today I have a doctors appointment and then another busy day tomorrow and then the weekend , thanks to me every day right at the moment is a day off, so weekends are truly irrelevant at this point and time. I have to go and fix that when I get home, went to Johnny G's yesterday and talked to Betty about a job and may have one with her when I get back. I also got an email from L Eat Catering and may have an interview with them tomorrow. I just hope they give me some notice and let me know sooner than later.
Yesterday I went to Walmart and picked up our wedding photos that I had printed and made a really cute album. Got a couple large ones done as well and have the picture of Matthew and I sitting by the tv now, so now, no matter where I am in the apartment I can see our wedding picture. Love you Matthew and thanks to all my readers for your support. have a great week and again Happy Pride to everyone in Montreal and Vancouver or where ever you may be celebrating or if you are like me, Happy Pride everyday of the year.

Still Searching for a Flight

I have still been searching for flights and trying to get to Vancouver to see my husband. I miss him lots and just want to be next to him for a week or so. Wayne has offered to take the girls for the time I would be gone and to look after them for me, so sweet of him. Sadly it does not look as though I am going out to Vancouver, Westjet, Air Canada and Sunwing are all too expensive to fly out there at the moment. Crazy I know. I have spent hours looking at flights and seeing when they leave and the costs. With Sunwing I phoned them this morning and this was my question, Why are your taxes double of Air Canada and West Jet and why are they not explained and split up as to what the taxes are? Easy question , I think, not sure why they couldn't answer it.
So I have decided not to use Sunwing unless they have this incredible special on sometime, but at the moment I am pissed at them and am giving you all advice to look at the damn taxes and make sure they are explained as to what they are and why they are as much as they are.
Also tried to fly out standby and was told they no longer do that at all, with Air Canada or West Jet. Not sure why. I am also curious how flights that are not full raise their prices on the last couple days instead of lowering them. This to me is weird as well. I just don't get it.
So it is looking as though I am not going to make it out to see my husband, hoping his room mate Tim will be staying in Canada for another year so that Matthew can fly out here in August and we won't have to worry bout the cats for now. We have been talking lots on the phone and on msn as of lately so it is nice to be together and to see him in that way at least. I still miss my lobster and was so looking forward to being next to him, well I may have to wait and look at flights for him to come out here sooner than later. I love you Matthew and miss you.

Sunday Sunday

Things are going well and the heat has been very extreme this week so most of my time has been spent in doors with the air conditioner on. I have been out applying for work and talking with old friends about jobs as well and also been looking for a flight so I can go out to Vancouver and see my husband. I would really like to be there with him for a week or so but the reality is that it may not happen and that has seriously been bothering me and hurting me in so many ways. Last night i just lost it and got mad at Matt and then I sat here and cried all night. It was a shitty night and crazy time for both of us and a very emotional one. I never doubt the love we have for each other and know that Matthew loves me very much, but it is just so hard on both of us to be so far apart and to start our marriage that way. I can tell when I talk with Matt that he is going through the same stresses that I am and that he misses me more than I miss him at times. But all and all life is good and we will conquer this as we have many other things through out our relationship.
Yesterday was a totally interesting day for me, I walked to Future Shop and bought a portable hard drive, was on my way home, just walking and minding my own business and this guy pulls up beside me and told me I was hot, which was shocking in the least, all sweaty and walking in an old pair of shorts and a tank top. I said thanks and kept walking, he followed me in his car, weird to say the least, you never know if they area murderer or just someone looking for sex or whatever. I just wasn't sure, so I thought what the hell I will stop and talk to him, you never know , could be a friend of the future and who am I to judge anyone at this point in my life. Anyhow he gave me his name and number and I thought what the hell, I'll give him a call and just see. He called back and talked for a bit. Then I had another guy who I talked to on a chat sight and he turned out to be a dating stalker and wanted to have dinner and everything, sorry but I was just looking for something else and it wasn't a date, I am married and happy to be so, what part of that do people not understand. I am not sure! This is a part of gay life that makes it really hard for anyone, as soon as you are attached, everyone wants you and sometimes that makes you feel good and attractive, yesterday at first I felt really attractive and then I felt really sad, because it made me miss the man that truly loves me and who I am in love with. Well today I am going to keep busy and just do my own thing, go for a walk and do some window shopping and stuff and keep my mind busy. I truly need to go back to work and soon, but I also want a job that is going to treat me right and be a good fit for both myself and my employer. Anyhow tomorrow is another day and I am making the best of everything and everyday that I can. I am happy in life and have no regrets, hopefully I can keep it that way, after all everything is mind over matter, right?
Matthew had a crazy day yesterday as well and went over to his parents and then had to drive his room mate Tim(from New Zealand) to the states to renew his visa to work in Canada for another year. So he had a really long day and a long night the night before, I think we have both had many sleepless nights since he left for back to Vancouver and that is hard on both of us. I can hear it in his voice how much he misses me and I know how much I miss him and we both look forward to the time when we can sit here in Toronto together. Hope you all have a great day, I am going to try and have one as well. To my Matthew i love you and never doubt your love for me. have a great day from your gay neighbor.

My Gay Life and the stuff before in review

Well I figure I owe most people a recap of who I am and where I come from and what I have been through to get to this point in my life. When I was a young boy I grew up in a very small Alberta town and believe me it was small and still wonderful. I had the best friends in the world and am still friends with most of them, or at least the few that are important to me, all girls by the way. While growing up there I knew I was gay or shall I say I knew something was different about me from a very early age and I had to live a lie, because I really wasn't sure at all. I dated girls all through grade school and then through secondary school and then I got engaged to a girl before I was even 18, because I thought that was the right thing to do. After I was 15 I started to see an older man on the down low and believe me it was very discrete, no one then and no one now knows his name and that is one I will take to my grave, after all it was a promise I made to never tell and if you know me at all, you know I keep my promises.
Anyways from 14 to 16 was actually a living hell for me in school and I was ridiculed, picked on and made fun of, I can hardly remember any boys even talking to me those years unless they were calling me nasty names or picking on me or just ignoring me and always making me feel like I don't belong, thank god I had the girls.
I left home at a a very early age and still had all this shit to deal with on a daily basis from people. I waited on tables which didn't help my situation at all. I chose to take my high school courses by correspondence and then wrote my GED exam. I never had a prom, nor have I ever gone back to a high school reunion.
My life has always been move and just run from these people until I was in my 20's I did this because I thought that if I left where I was it would stop and my life would get better, it didn't. Not to matter where I went until I hit the big city of Edmonton when I was 25 and came out fully flaming and screaming. Came out actively to my family when I was 26 and that was actually harder than all the bullying I had put up with to that point, I was so damn worried about hurting everyone I loved.
I had my first real relationship when I was 26 and that didn't last too long, my mistake I guess, I left Nick and soon after found my first love, the city of Vancouver, I loved that city and well i was there trying to get work which just never panned out and I was so wowed with the size and beauty of Vancouver that I settled and did things i never thought I would. Yes I did porn and had my photos taken for money and lived in a dumpy little room above a bar, with a pet cockroach. Not the greatest life and I managed to keep it for about 6months and then went back to Edmonton. I then met Henry and I was now in a relationship really quickly again, we were together for just over 2 years and it was great for a while but things got bad quickly, Henry had a drinking problem and a young man problem as well, yes he cheated and left me for someone else. I soon after that met James and well I just went from bad to worse. I was no longer in a relationship with a man with a drinking problem, but now I was living with a man in a very mentally and physically abusive relationship  with a drug user and by drugs I don't mean pot. He was full on into coke and crack and used to just beat me and threaten me for no reasons at all. He threatened me daily that if I ever tried to leave he would kill me. Once I got away from James, I left for Vancouver again and this time I was successful and got a great management job in a Vegetarian restaurant, the in a gay bar and then another gay bar. I was popular and on my way, finally being gay paid off, for the first time ever. It always did , cause it was me , it just didn't feel like it. I managed to be one of the most well known persons in The Vancouver Gay Community, everyone said hi to me, single , popular, back in the city I fell in love with years ago, everything was great. I left my job at Numbers after almost 2 years , went to Calgary for a while and things just got worse again, in another physically abusive relationship and with another man who lies and cheats, how the hell did I fall into this pattern, over 30 and still I attract these men. Really? Yes really.
After my failed time in Calgary I went back to Vancouver for a while, but when you are not managing a gay bar anymore, all of a sudden your popularity disappears. Vancouver was no longer the city I loved, it fell out of love with me and rather quickly. I soon went back to Edmonton for a bit and reconnected with the past through an old job. Soon after that I found the internet and this was now my new ticket to dating, I met many people in Toronto and decided to take the plunge after about a year and move out here and go and meet them and look for the man of my dreams, met a few I thought were them , but sadly they weren't. I dated a man named Wayne here in Toronto for a few years , just over 5 I do believe. He was sweet and wonderful and loved me but I was never in love with him and I don't think he was with me either, but we are still great friends.
Little did I know my true love, my lobster was in Vancouver all the time, I just hadn't met him yet! Will get to that shortly.
During my 30's life was not perfect but I always had a job and managed to get by day to day. I was gay bashed 3 times in my life and have had other things which were worse happen to me as well. I shall keep those a secret for now.
Well it is late and I will finish telling you the rest of my story tomorrow , have a  great night!

Sleepless Night

Well last night was possibly the hottest night I have ever been alive to see. I was ready for bed at 10pm and so tired and text Matt to say good night. Got into bed and well wouldn't you know I could not sleep at all. It was a whopping temperature of 38 this morning at 3am, ridiculous I say. I finally got to sleep around 4am, not at all what I expected.
I lied down at around 10 and felt so tired, perhaps too tired to actually sleep, so I lied there for over 2 hours an then got up and did what I do best, sat on line and then text Matthew and then chatted with him on MSN for over an hour, which was just amazing as per usual. We have the best talks as of late and we can say so much that had never been said before and this time I feel all the love he has for me.
Got up this morning bright and early at around 7am and went to meet Rick for a quick coffee this morning and took the dogs for a long walk before it gets too damn hot today. it is suppose to break records here in Toronto and is actually already a temperature of 38 with humidity and suppose to get up 37 without humidity and 48 with the humidity. It makes the city so hazy and hot and sticky.
Well I hope everyone beats the heat today and you all have a great day. I am going to try to and maybe I will get some sleep later as well.

Gay life gets better, but it takes time

Matthew is so cute since we got married! Well he was before, but now it is just adorably cute and so sweet. He texts me every morning to say he loves me and Good Morning. I look forward to those so much, it just makes my day to see those words from someone who I truly am in love with.
Things do work out for the best and if you just wait and let things run their course then everything will end up the way it is suppose to be and you just go with it and accept what life has in store for you. Yes we make our own paths and choose our own ways , but not without a little help from others.
I honestly thought when I was younger and being teased and picked on and ridiculed before I even knew i was gay, that I would never be this happy and here I am. So just to let you know, if you are a young gay man or women and people are judging you and being ignorant, life does get better and you can be a very happy and openly gay person and live your life for you. I know I am now!
When I came out and told everyone who needed to know that I was gay, life became very different and and much harder for me in many ways. I went through many disfunctional relationships and had a terrible time in the public eye and with some of my I thought were friends and a few family members as well. And yes I understand this was hard for other people, but it was especially hard for me. I was just finally figuring out who I was and where I belonged in the world. No more pretending to be someone else.
I think this is the hardest thing for any gay or lesbian person to do, because all of a sudden life changes for you and everyone around you and things become very different in every ones eyes.
All i am saying in the end is that it is worth the wait, so no matter how much people bully you, pick on you and belittle you, hold on, because it gets better you just have to wait it out and let things run their course. I know it is hard and I would not have believed those words myself, but it happened to me and now I do. Good luck to you all and thanks for reading. have a great day, Love your gay neighbor.