Well I figure I owe most people a recap of who I am and where I come from and what I have been through to get to this point in my life. When I was a young boy I grew up in a very small Alberta town and believe me it was small and still wonderful. I had the best friends in the world and am still friends with most of them, or at least the few that are important to me, all girls by the way. While growing up there I knew I was gay or shall I say I knew something was different about me from a very early age and I had to live a lie, because I really wasn't sure at all. I dated girls all through grade school and then through secondary school and then I got engaged to a girl before I was even 18, because I thought that was the right thing to do. After I was 15 I started to see an older man on the down low and believe me it was very discrete, no one then and no one now knows his name and that is one I will take to my grave, after all it was a promise I made to never tell and if you know me at all, you know I keep my promises.
Anyways from 14 to 16 was actually a living hell for me in school and I was ridiculed, picked on and made fun of, I can hardly remember any boys even talking to me those years unless they were calling me nasty names or picking on me or just ignoring me and always making me feel like I don't belong, thank god I had the girls.
I left home at a a very early age and still had all this shit to deal with on a daily basis from people. I waited on tables which didn't help my situation at all. I chose to take my high school courses by correspondence and then wrote my GED exam. I never had a prom, nor have I ever gone back to a high school reunion.
My life has always been move and just run from these people until I was in my 20's I did this because I thought that if I left where I was it would stop and my life would get better, it didn't. Not to matter where I went until I hit the big city of Edmonton when I was 25 and came out fully flaming and screaming. Came out actively to my family when I was 26 and that was actually harder than all the bullying I had put up with to that point, I was so damn worried about hurting everyone I loved.
I had my first real relationship when I was 26 and that didn't last too long, my mistake I guess, I left Nick and soon after found my first love, the city of Vancouver, I loved that city and well i was there trying to get work which just never panned out and I was so wowed with the size and beauty of Vancouver that I settled and did things i never thought I would. Yes I did porn and had my photos taken for money and lived in a dumpy little room above a bar, with a pet cockroach. Not the greatest life and I managed to keep it for about 6months and then went back to Edmonton. I then met Henry and I was now in a relationship really quickly again, we were together for just over 2 years and it was great for a while but things got bad quickly, Henry had a drinking problem and a young man problem as well, yes he cheated and left me for someone else. I soon after that met James and well I just went from bad to worse. I was no longer in a relationship with a man with a drinking problem, but now I was living with a man in a very mentally and physically abusive relationship with a drug user and by drugs I don't mean pot. He was full on into coke and crack and used to just beat me and threaten me for no reasons at all. He threatened me daily that if I ever tried to leave he would kill me. Once I got away from James, I left for Vancouver again and this time I was successful and got a great management job in a Vegetarian restaurant, the in a gay bar and then another gay bar. I was popular and on my way, finally being gay paid off, for the first time ever. It always did , cause it was me , it just didn't feel like it. I managed to be one of the most well known persons in The Vancouver Gay Community, everyone said hi to me, single , popular, back in the city I fell in love with years ago, everything was great. I left my job at Numbers after almost 2 years , went to Calgary for a while and things just got worse again, in another physically abusive relationship and with another man who lies and cheats, how the hell did I fall into this pattern, over 30 and still I attract these men. Really? Yes really.
After my failed time in Calgary I went back to Vancouver for a while, but when you are not managing a gay bar anymore, all of a sudden your popularity disappears. Vancouver was no longer the city I loved, it fell out of love with me and rather quickly. I soon went back to Edmonton for a bit and reconnected with the past through an old job. Soon after that I found the internet and this was now my new ticket to dating, I met many people in Toronto and decided to take the plunge after about a year and move out here and go and meet them and look for the man of my dreams, met a few I thought were them , but sadly they weren't. I dated a man named Wayne here in Toronto for a few years , just over 5 I do believe. He was sweet and wonderful and loved me but I was never in love with him and I don't think he was with me either, but we are still great friends.
Little did I know my true love, my lobster was in Vancouver all the time, I just hadn't met him yet! Will get to that shortly.
During my 30's life was not perfect but I always had a job and managed to get by day to day. I was gay bashed 3 times in my life and have had other things which were worse happen to me as well. I shall keep those a secret for now.
Well it is late and I will finish telling you the rest of my story tomorrow , have a great night!
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