Sunday Sunday

Things are going well and the heat has been very extreme this week so most of my time has been spent in doors with the air conditioner on. I have been out applying for work and talking with old friends about jobs as well and also been looking for a flight so I can go out to Vancouver and see my husband. I would really like to be there with him for a week or so but the reality is that it may not happen and that has seriously been bothering me and hurting me in so many ways. Last night i just lost it and got mad at Matt and then I sat here and cried all night. It was a shitty night and crazy time for both of us and a very emotional one. I never doubt the love we have for each other and know that Matthew loves me very much, but it is just so hard on both of us to be so far apart and to start our marriage that way. I can tell when I talk with Matt that he is going through the same stresses that I am and that he misses me more than I miss him at times. But all and all life is good and we will conquer this as we have many other things through out our relationship.
Yesterday was a totally interesting day for me, I walked to Future Shop and bought a portable hard drive, was on my way home, just walking and minding my own business and this guy pulls up beside me and told me I was hot, which was shocking in the least, all sweaty and walking in an old pair of shorts and a tank top. I said thanks and kept walking, he followed me in his car, weird to say the least, you never know if they area murderer or just someone looking for sex or whatever. I just wasn't sure, so I thought what the hell I will stop and talk to him, you never know , could be a friend of the future and who am I to judge anyone at this point in my life. Anyhow he gave me his name and number and I thought what the hell, I'll give him a call and just see. He called back and talked for a bit. Then I had another guy who I talked to on a chat sight and he turned out to be a dating stalker and wanted to have dinner and everything, sorry but I was just looking for something else and it wasn't a date, I am married and happy to be so, what part of that do people not understand. I am not sure! This is a part of gay life that makes it really hard for anyone, as soon as you are attached, everyone wants you and sometimes that makes you feel good and attractive, yesterday at first I felt really attractive and then I felt really sad, because it made me miss the man that truly loves me and who I am in love with. Well today I am going to keep busy and just do my own thing, go for a walk and do some window shopping and stuff and keep my mind busy. I truly need to go back to work and soon, but I also want a job that is going to treat me right and be a good fit for both myself and my employer. Anyhow tomorrow is another day and I am making the best of everything and everyday that I can. I am happy in life and have no regrets, hopefully I can keep it that way, after all everything is mind over matter, right?
Matthew had a crazy day yesterday as well and went over to his parents and then had to drive his room mate Tim(from New Zealand) to the states to renew his visa to work in Canada for another year. So he had a really long day and a long night the night before, I think we have both had many sleepless nights since he left for back to Vancouver and that is hard on both of us. I can hear it in his voice how much he misses me and I know how much I miss him and we both look forward to the time when we can sit here in Toronto together. Hope you all have a great day, I am going to try and have one as well. To my Matthew i love you and never doubt your love for me. have a great day from your gay neighbor.