A Lovely Evening

Well it is Thursday and I only have 2 more nights here in Vancouver and man oh man is it ever hitting me now. Tonight Matt and I went out for a lovely dinner with his parents and it was lovely and so nice and then we went for a walk on water shore just beside the North Shore Auto Mall. I will miss his parents so much and love them both so dearly and am so glad that they were a part of my life for the last 2 years. It was so great and I promised them I will stay in touch and I definitely will.
Sat on the front steps all afternoon and apparently I have a little bit of a sunburn on my face and forehead. Oh well have a great tan on my arms. I hate leaving and will miss Matt especially and his folks and just a few other people from here.Good night all and talk to you next week.

Dinner to say Good Bye

Hello all
I have to honestly say this will be my last post for a while and I may not get back to it at all. I am not sure what to even say at this time. Life is sure different then it was a week ago. crazy how times change and where life will take you.
Last night I went to Tim and Lornes for a lovely good bye dinner and to be honest that was really the only good part of the hole night and I am not sure how much more I can take nor how much I want to take at all. I am no longer sad to be leaving here at all and those reasons I will only share with my true friends and that will be all.
Dinner was great and Lorne made mashed potatoes, broccoli and carrots and a beautiful Roast Beef. A very nice meal and a great chance to say good bye. I am glad I had the chance. I know after tonight that I will never return to Vancouver again and am no longer saddened by this but realize that nothing here is real or at least not to me. This includes people and I mean all of them, and the job market and everything here. It has all just weighed me down and I am too tired to fight it anymore. Anyhow as I said for now I am done writing for a while and I do honestly hope I can get back into the spirit and start again when I get settled in Toronto. I will let you all know when, look for it on Facebook.

My Last Week in Vancouver

I can't believe it is going to be my last week here in Vancouver and I leave in 5 days. It all seems so real now and I truly shocked and just can't believe that things are ending. It is really the end of an era for me and the girls and I are going back to Toronto. I really do wish with all my heart that Matthew was coming with us because without him I know that there will always be something missing in me and I am leaving part of my heart and soul here in this house and with him. This has been our home now for two years and Matt and I have been together for two plus years. I now know what love is and will leave here with nothing but great memories of our time together.
Yesterday we went out for our last Sunday together at Pumpjacks and it was a great time but at the same it was very sad to say good bye to my favorite watering hole in Vancouver. After getting slightly intoxicated we went to Hamburger Marys and had some dinner before coming home and watching the Survivor Finale. It was great but I really didn't expect Boston Rob to walk away with everything. He won the million dollars and also the 100 thousand viewers vote as well. I guess now him and Amber would be the first married couple to both have won the game of Survivor I think.
Today I have to go and post a box of stuff to Mom and then off to grab a few groceries and stuff like that. A day to run around and just complete a few last things here in the city. Hope you are all well and please keep reading, I am not sure how much I will be on here this week but will be back as soon as I get settled in Toronto.

Sadness is all I feel

Well it is Sunday and I only have 5 days left in the with the man I love and thought I would always be with and some day married too! Also leaving the city I once loved and thought I would always be living, all I truly feel is sad and so empty. I really have a hard time believing it is all over and every day it just gets more real. I get emotional now on a daily basis and am not sure whether I am angry at myself or just feeling sorry for myself and trying to move on. I guess I will figure that out in time. No one here really wants to say good bye and I have realized that all my friends here were not truly friends at all. We have grown apart so much and we have all changed and just grown apart. As for the neighbors, most of them were just nice to me for Matthews sake I am guessing. The only neighbor who I will truly miss is Isabella and John and their lovely new little girl.
I am going to miss Nadia and Sparky a lot, I love those cats and will miss my cuddles with Nadia every night and every morning and how they follow Rogue and Storm to the park for a walk. I am going to most of all miss Matthew and just looking at him while he is sleeping and the way he looks at me with that huge smile in his eyes. I know that he truly loves me and that is why this is so damn hard on both of us. It is just crazy in more ways than one.
Have a little work to try and get done this week for Matts parents weather permitting and I really have to get my ass in gear and just get it done. The packing a furniture wrapping is all done for me and the furniture and all my stuff gets picked up on Friday and the girls and I leave on Saturday. This will be my saddest day, saying good bye to a true love is going to be hard and I can't imagine it right at the moment and won't believe it until I actually board the plane and he is not in the seat next to me.
Anyways that is all I have to say for today. I hope you all have a great Sunday. Survivor Finale tonight, I am excited about that.

No Regrets Ever

I have been very bitter in my last few posts and with good reason in my opinion. I vowed when I started to write this blog, I would keep it real and keep it honest and let you into my life and all that goes on and the way that I feel about everything. This I have done and I definitely have no regrets because sometimes things just need to be said when you are hurt and you need to get it off your chest. I need to do this in order to ever forgive and to move on, I have now done this so it is time to get on with life as it now is. My furniture and boxes all leave here next Friday and the girls and I fly out on Saturday afternoon. Everything is packed, the pictures are off the walls and wrapped, handles on all the furniture is turned inside out and the furniture is totally wrapped in plastic moving wrap, so I guess I am set in that way. The way in which I am not set is to say good bye to Matt and his parents, that is not going to be easy at all and I can't believe it is even happening, but as I said I have no regrets and have lived without any all my life. I do not regret anyone I have known, dated, anything I have done, or anyplace I have lived or any part of my life to this point. I have looked at everything and everyone as a total learning experience. I love my life and I truly can say that I love myself even my faults as no one is perfect and I am definitely far from it. I have been in an extremely emotional and sensitive way over the last couple weeks, but feel I am getting better now and in order for me to do that I had to say good bye to all those who have hurt me in the last week and just wish them all the best. And that is exactly what I have done and now I leave Vancouver in a week with no hard feeling on my part at all. Whatever they do is totally up to them, if they choose to hate me, or back stab me then so be it. I know that I have tried to mend fences and say good bye with no regret at all. Anyhow, have a great day and an amazing weekend to all.

My Morning Walk with the Kids

It gets harder every day to realize that I will no longer be here with the man who I believe I will always love. Hard to believe a year ago we were actually planning and talking about marriage and being with each other for ever. I can't believe it myself most days and find it even harder to believe when someone asks me about it. I had dreams and a great life with Matthew and am so sorry that life has pulled us in different directions and I think of all these things while I am alone in the park with the girls and the kids. All 4 of them come to the park with me every morning and I will miss those times as the cats will be staying with Matt and the dogs are coming with me back to Toronto.
So this morning I am at the park and Chris came by to talk, which was shocking at least and I was very emotional as I often am. Chris invited me to dinner at his house and I told him I would have to decline because of what Nadja had said to Matt about me taking him for more than half and how she and Chris were so worried about him. Chris seemed genuinely shocked when I told him what Nadja said and I am sorry for that but I calmly and almost tearfully said that I could not spend time with him because I did no longer want to see Nadja. I actually feel bad for Chris, he can be a truly sweet man and deserves so much better in life and in love.
As for me , anyone who knows me knows I wear my heart on my sleeve and that is the way I am, I am very emotional and also very outspoken and can be very very explosive when provoked. But if you love me and you are true to your word and don't lie to me, I will stand by you forever and always stand up for you as well. Only 9 days left here and each one gets sadder for both Matt and I and I just want to enjoy those days and the time with have left together, because if there is one thing I have learned in 40 years cherish who you have in your life while you have them and make all the good moments great and try to put the bad ones behind you. Also if you feel someone in your life is not good for you, just get rid of them, this applies to friends and family alike. And the most important thing I have learned is sometimes being alone hurts but not as much as others can hurt you so in the end it will be alright.

Enough Please Guys

Enough already people! By people I mean, Joe and Shawn, Rory, and Nadja. My god would you all just let it go. Yes Matt and I are splitting up , but we are parting as friends and by all of you stirring up shit, it is just making me want out of Vancouver even quicker. It is not about leaving Matt anymore but about getting away from all you losers and super phoney people.I will be sad to leave Matt, but as for the rest of the people I know here, well you are now all added to the people who can just Kiss My Ass!
Here are the reasons,   Nadja , well you can kiss my ass for being a backstabbing and lying and just plain conniving bitch. Rory because you are just a plain and simple evil man who has stolen more moments from me with Matt and more than you will ever know and you are just a druggie , drunk driving idiot. Joe well you can be added to the list the most and I wish I had never removed you from it in the first place. Number one for trying to sleep with Matt while we were together and right after we broke up and all your stupid drunken emails as well. The third reason is trying to fix Matt up with someone to sleep with before I am even gone and telling him you will bring him to the bar to meet us and also saying that I really hate him, well now I really dislike you. You are true scum. I guess you were never a real friend and then to send me drunk evil emails, well well, shall we talk about your welfare fraud over the years, hmm. And as for your partner Shawn, just because he is another gutless lying idiot.

Chris I happen to think you area very sweet and considerate man and I wish that I could spend more time with you, but Nadja and Rory have made that impossible and I apologize for that.

Mothers Day Weekend

Well it was a lovely Mothers Day here in Vancouver, the weather was perfect and life is good. Matt and I went and spent the day at his parents and made a lovely dinner for Meagan, it was a great time and unfortunately probably my last family dinner with them all. I will definitely miss Bert and his stories of his wordly travels and different jobs he has had all over the world. Love it and every time he tells me one I either get a great laugh or I learn something new. Meagan has been very sad since we have told her of our separation and I feel so bad, she pulled me aside yesterday and asked me if I really had to go? The answer to that question folks is unfortunately yes, I have to go and Matt has to stay. It is hard to leave the one person who I have believed from day one was my lobster, lobster in case you all don't know only mate with one other and they mate for life, so if ever separated or one dies, the other one will spend their life alone, so if Matt is my lobster, then maybe I am destined to spend the rest of my life alone once we are separated and apart from each other.
Anyhow back to dinner, Matthew made everyone Salmon which was stuffed with onions, olives and salza, and he made me a chicken breast, as I don't eat seafood or fish of any kind. Bert made veggies and a beautiful salad and rice, My contribution was an apple crisp which I made yesterday morning. Everyone seemed to enjoy everything. Also a dear friend of Matthews parents was there as well for dinner and she seemed quite lovely as well. All and all a very great day!
I phoned my mommy of course because there is not other like my mother and I always try to be the first out of the five of us to call her. There is still nothing more relaxing and soothing to me than talking to my mom and I call her so much , she likely gets tired of hearing my voice. To all mothers and grandmothers around the world, I hope you had a great weekend. Love you all

I can't believe it

The reason I right this tonight is about the neighbors and is all based on what they have said to either myself or Matthew, So be careful people because Matt and I are still friends and with all my friends I am brutally honest as I hope they are with me.
First off, I am not a greedy person and am only leaving this relationship with exactly what I brought into it and what I have paid for. Unlike the neighbor at the corner, I do not feel that I am entitled to half of everything while contributing nothing! I can not believe she has the gull to say that I seem like the type of person to fuck over Matthew or anyone else. Unlike her I am fair and just and not a leach. I do not live off of other people and have always paid my own way and always will, I do not need a rich husband with a house and 2 vehicles so that I can go and use him constantly. I own my own things and have paid for them all, while you tell me that you are entitled to half of everything after contributing nothing but a few strokes of paint to an out dated house.
General rule is do not throw stones when you yourself lives in a glass house. The person I am speaking of here is the one I have referred to in the past as Hope, Her real name is Nadja and her partner who she is entitled to half of everything from is Chris, formerly known as Bo. As for entitlement lady, you are entitled to nothing and have always been such a phony bitch to me, get over yourself. You are part of the reason I hate this neighborhood, the other part lives in your basement suite. Now let me tell you about him and let me tell the truth now that I am leaving here and going back to a city where people are actually real and not so phony. Formerly known as  Froy, his name is Rory who lives in the basement, next time you invite people over perhaps you should hide your little white powdery substances and driving drunk all the time , grow up or better yet just go away. You are a self righteous little man with little to no morals as I have learned over the last year. I would say it was a pleasure to have met you all, but that would be a lie and unlike you all , I am not that phony.I feel really bad for Chris because he is a genuinely very sweet man and I am actually believe that he would never hurt me or anyone for that matter.

Wow Wow

So all is packed now and all that is left is to wrap the furniture and pack the clothes I am taking with me to wear for the few weeks while everything is in storage and I look for a new apartment for the girls and I to live in. Should be fun and a new and exciting venture for the 3 of us, Scary, sad and exciting all at the same time.
I am hoping it won't be too damn stressful on the girls as it has been on me. This has been extremely hard on both Matt and I and we are both very sad and I am extremely heartbroken and am having a really difficult time letting go some days and I know I have to get used to being single again.
Only 2 more weeks left here in Vancouver and then back to Toronto and back to work and a life with winters again, Oh my god , I am not sure I am ready for a Toronto winter, but I guess I have to get used to it and learn to live with it again.
At least there I will have my friends back and a job again. Will keep you all informed on the progress of my move and our little family splitting up.

No Regrets

I have always tried to live my life with a no regret policy and think that I have done really well. I do not now nor have I ever regretted anywhere I have lived, anything I have done, and anyone I have loved. Everything has been a great learning experience and many occasions have been the wrong decisions, but with those I have learned more than I ever thought I would.
I leave Vancouver on the 21st of May and am going to leave this city with no regret as well. I learned that I can experience true love in its fullest and I will always cherish my time here and my times with Matt. I also realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side , but I know that I was meant to be here for the time I was over the last 2 and 1/2 years.
When I moved here, I did so shortly after my split with my partner Dwayne in Toronto and also because I wanted to be in Vancouver for the winter olympics. There was also one other reason for the relocation out west and that was to be closer to Mom for a while and try to reconnect with my family. I have done this and know that I was here to be with her and help her through the roughest time of her life and would do that again in a heart beat.
I can not believe that Vancouver job situation is as bad as it is , but this is just a fact and that is the one thing that made my decision a bit easier. Please don't get me wrong, I do love Vancouver, but do believe that I am truly not meant to be here and this makes it even harder, how can you not be meant to be somewhere when the person you love is there. Bad timing is what I will rack this up to for now.
I leave here on the 21st and fly to Toronto and arrive there around midnight on that day, I am going to go back to work at one of my previous employers and also go back to my old doctor.
It will be a fresh start for both Matt and I and who knows what he cards have in store for our futures, we may meet again and maybe things will be different. All I know is I will always keep him in my life and always be in touch with him. As for my friends and the neighbors here I am not sure I will ever see them again, nor will I probably stay in touch with them. I just can't deal with phony and liars anymore and need to move on!

Tuesday

Well here we are at Tuesday again and what a change a week can bring to us all. I have made all the arrangements now for the move and the flight for the girls and I to leave Vancouver and heading for Toronto and single again, which I never thought I would be at 40 years old.
Anyhow I am leaving on the 21st and all my stuff is leaving on the 20th, I am still totally not in believe that this is all happening and am sure I won't be and it won't totally hit me until I get on the plane and am no longer waking up next to Matthew and seeing him every day and just being able to talk to him when ever I want to and need to. It just makes me so sad and broken hearted every time I even think about it. I have almost finished packing and am getting my stuff slimmed down and gone through in ways I never thought I would have to.
Honestly there is not too many people I will miss here in the city of Vancouver except for a few of my friends who are on Facebook, them I love and cherish their friendships and Tom of course, though he has not been there for me through this as I thought he would be. Most of the other people here that I thought were friends aren't and I am rather shocked at a few of them, their names to come after I leave this city. Your gay neighbor will bringing you all kinds of truths about our little neighborhood in early June from his new neighborhood in Toronto where I will be someone elses gay neighbor.
Anyhow going to watch Glee, have a great night and good luck Canucks, the way you are playing this year you definitely need it!

It is Now Official

It is with a huge saddened heart and an extremely sadder face that I tell you all that Matthew and I have decided to separate and I will be relocating to Toronto and Matthew will be staying here in Vancouver, where he is needed and close to his parents.
We are parting as friends and as such we are parting with both a heavy heart and sadness which has filled both of us totally in every way.
It was not an easy decision for either of us to come to , but we realized that it was the only the decision for us to make at this time in our lives, we are just not meant to be together, bad timing I guess. I truly love Matthew and have always thought he would be the man that I would marry and be with for life. Vancouver dealt me some very shocking shit over the years and the hardest part was not working here at all, over the past year or so except for the odd job. This put a real strain on our relationship unfortunately.
I am not sure I have ever been in this kind of love before and know this will be very hard for me to move on in every way. Maybe in 6 months to a year timing will change and Matt will come to Toronto and look me up. That would be so nice.
I want to thank everyone for your support and friendship and for being there for me right now and for always. I am also so thankful to have a new best friend in Matthew. We may not be able to continue as a couple but we will be great friends for the rest of our lives.
Your Gay Neighbor will be coming to you from Toronto in the late of May and I will try and blog as much as I can over the next few weeks here, though things will be busier than usual for the both of us.