Almost Christmas Really???????

Well I know that  I have been really bad in writing and keeping you all informed as of lately so here goes. Matt was away for a week at the end of November and 1st part of December. He had to go back to Vancouver and finish things up there and pack up the rest of the house and get everything ready to move here to Toronto. A lot of work and a very emotional time for him. During that time it was so damn busy for me and so much to do here and with the bar, Christmas parties at the bar, regular events and then staffing and DJ changes and new events for the New Year. Plus all the regular stuff on a daily basis, Planning our trip to Calgary and another holiday to Chicago in the very near future. Work is going great and I am loving the bar and all , well 89.9% of my customers, there are a couple that just drive me over the edge. But all and all they are very great and quite amazing and a lot of fun. I also have the greatest staff, Heather, Paul, Chris and Michelle. If you all ever read this know that you are lovely and I depend on you all daily. I also have the best boss in the world, Stephane you are amazing and I am so happy to have you in my life. I waited for years for  a great boss and I have finally have one. Good things to come to those who wait.
For all those who are waiting to hear about my health and they have really found nothing yet, I have a small blockage in the left side of my head which is caused by a thing called horners syndrome and causes headaches and sweating from one side of the body more than the other and causes my one eye , the left in my case. It also causes my one pupil to go smaller and smaller. There are many things that may cause this, I have to go to the Neuroligist in January, hopefully they will find more. That is all I know right now about my health.
We are heading to Alberta on the 20th for Christmas and going to go and see the whole family. Will be fairly short visit, so not sure who we will have time to visit. Dinner on the 23rd, 24th, and 25th, busy busy busy times. Matts parents will be here in January. Looking forward to seeing family.
Well that is all for now, talk to you all soon.

A Bachelor Apartment.....Really

Well Matthew has been here now for about 3 and 1/2 weeks and I am so happy to have him here every day and to be with him, love married life and being with my husband. Things are going very well and we are doing great here in Toronto. I can not say the same however for the househunting situation that we have been going through. Six houses bid on now, 2 failed home inspections and no wins what so ever, so we are on a break from looking and just concentrating on other things. I can not believe the market here at the moment, what we were lead to believe at what is actual are 2 totally different things, yes there are many houses on the market, and yes they are priced well, but they are all selling with an offer date which allows for multiple offers and makes the price go up and up which is just not realistic for us at all.
The 2 of us living in a bachelor apartment is not too much fun, if one us gets up the other one really does not have a choice to get the hell out of bed considering the bedroom is in the living room and the hole apartment is basically one giant room. A little tight for Matt and I and the 4 kids. Also a huge lack of storage for the both of us, which we are slowly figuring out.
Work is going great and I am loving What Are You Looking At Bar and working with my fabulous staff and the super owner that is just so nice. I have waited all my life for the respect and love I am given through this job. The customers for the most part are lovely and it is just an amazing place. I am actually learning more at this job and even now doing up posters and advertising for the bar. It is so much fun, I even learned how to do a website and more. The bar is located on Queen Street East and we have a lot of fun at work. If you are in Toronto and in the area, come and check us out.
Matt and I are going to Alberta for 5 days for Christmas and looking quite forward to it. I haven't been home for Christmas in 12 years. We are having dinner at Cheryls house and I guess all her kids and grand kids will be there as well. Hope the holidays will be great. Well that is all I have for you all today. Be back with more later this week.

Here for Good

Matthew got here 10 days ago and is now here for good or until we get a signed offer on the house in Vancouver and I am so glad that he is now here with me and the kids. Makes life so much more enjoyable. He got here on the Friday before last and it was just so amazing to see him after a long 7 weeks apart. He came into the bar and saw me and met a lot of my regular customers and the owner and some of the staff at the bar, think he really liked it there.
Anyhow when he got here we had put a bid in on a house and then had the home inspection on it, unfortunately after the home inspection the seller would not budge on the price at all and we had to walk away from that deal. It was a cute little house and a great location, but unfortunately just not meant to be ours and we had to move on to the next one. We found a better house the next day and it is gorgeous and now we are going through the back and forth on that one. We will know in the next week I guess if we get it. I really love this house and so does Matt and I think it is the one.
As for my health I am feeling a bit better now that Matthew is here, I have a specialists appointment this week and that should be it for a while. I am just anxious to get it all over with and hope I don't have to do this again for a while. Also hoping they just find something simple and can treat it right away and that would just be nice. I will try to keep you all up to date. Sorry I have been not been here and writing too much as of lately , but I have been so busy with work and everything else and then not feeling well, it just been extremely busy.
As for work it is going great and I am loving it thus far and my boss and the staff are great thus far and so are the customers. I am working my ass off to get this place up and running and busier. I think so far it going well and I am succeeding and everyone is pleased thus far, especially me.
The kids are all doing great and Matthew and I are planning our trip to Alberta for the holidays to see Mom and Dad and the family. I haven't been home for Christmas in over 10 years and am looking forward to it every way.
Anyhow I am relaxed now and have a really bad cold and have today off to relax and try to get better. Matthew is here for good now and I am just so happy bout that and can't wait till we get a house and moved and everything in Vancouver is settled. Enough for now, time to go back to bed and relax and get over my flu. Have a great day and I shall try to write more often.

Getting Busier

Life is getting so much busier every day and every day is also getting harder sometimes to just get out of bed. I love my job and I love my life and I just get so tired now with the health issues I have had as of late. 2 more appointments this week and then nothing till the 10th of November, so I will actually have a week off from dealing with this shit, it is just hard what is not going on with your own body and still having to deal with it all and being here by myself is not so helpful either at times.
At least ona daily basis I get to talk with Matthew on the phone and hear his voice, I am not sure he realizes how helpful this is somedays and I just thank god that I have that somedays to hold on to. I also call mom a lot and last week talked to my great friend Sandi. Wayne and Nancy have also been tremendous through all of this and totally helpful in every way.
Also being at work is very helpful to me as well and a great thing to keep my mind off of other things. I truly love the new job and am doing great there and plan to stay there for a long long time. I have a very nice boss, and a great team of bartenders who are so sweet and helpful.
Also having all four of the kids here with me is great and I love it, they come and cuddle with me every night and I just melt. It is so cute, the girls all come and sleep with me right away and Mr Sparky crawls onto the bed after he thinks I am asleep for the night and then he cuddles with me and the girls. Has to be a strong little boy until it suits him.
Well that is all I have for now. Talk with you all soon.

Whats New

Well it has been quite the couple weeks. Been managing WAYLA Bar now for just over 2 weeks and loving it thus far. I think I finally have the greatest boss alive which is thrilling to me, worked hard in this business for over 20 years and taken a lot of bull from both owners and staff and customers a like, as do we all in the service industry. Somedays the industry sucks, but all and all I do it because I love it and it is just fun to meet different people and be in public socializing every day.
Other than work I have been out looking at houses and put a bid in on one last week, unfortunately it went for way above asking price which was totally unusual for the type of house it was and the work it needed, oh well, it was just not meant to be.
Matthew has listed the house in Vancouver and started packing stuff up and getting ready for the big move here to Toronto, I am going to try and go out if I can in the next month for my 2 days off, just because I want to see him and say good bye to Anabel and Chris and baby Leila next door, I keep in touch with them but really want to see them once more before everything is finalized out there. I truly hope the house sells quickly and we can be done with it and the way the tenants have been I will be glad when they are just gone and Matthew is not stressed or bothered by them again, they were so good at first and have now turned to shit and nothing but a headache. Oh well, they are only screwing themselves in the end.
As for my health as of lately that is another story and when I am home I spend most of the time sleeping or lying down which is not too much fun. I have been going back and forth to specialists, hospital for different tests and bloodwork on a weekly basis. My arm has been bruised now for 3 straight weeks and I am always wondering if people see that , what the hell will they think, and then I think who cares, ask me if you want to know. Anyhow that is all you get to know about me health wise for now, No worries I am strong and will beat whatever the hell they finally  find. For now I will reast and go through whatever I have to.
Sorry that I have been only writing weekly lately but that is all I can muster up at the moment, I will be back in full force soon I hope. Have a great week and hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving. I did, I went for dinner to Swiss Chalet with my friends Wayne and Nancy, it was lovely and a great time. Thanks to both of them for the company and a fun night out.

working, househunting and more

Well it has been quite the week again and I am back at work now, I accepted a job managing a bar here in Toronto, been quite a bit of fun so far and seems to be going well, but I will take it one day at a time, cause you just never know what is going to happen in todays world. I have a great staff and they seem to be quite nice and excited for me to be there. My boss and owner also seems to be a really nice man, or at least I hope so, I never hold my breath in these matters anymore after the last couple of years.
The bar has not really ever been managed so it is quite the thing to walk into, I am working hard but enjoying it thus far as it keeps me busy and this is good when your husband is on the other side of the country. I miss Matthew so much and wish he was here to celebrate the new job with me and just because I miss him so much and want to have him with me, self fish I know, wanting to live with your husband!
Matt is still in Vancouver and working on getting the house ready for sale and doing all the stuff there, I am so proud of him and all his hard work, he has repainted both the front and back stairs, the ceiling inside the house and touched up the front door, My hard workig husband, wish I could be there to help him.
I am still not in the best of health and go in to the hospital on Thursday morning and then again next Tuesday afternoon for a couple more tests, I hope we get to the bottom of this soon. I hate not having the energy I used to have and I also hate hours on end of pain, not too much fun.
The dogs and cats have been great with me going back to work and are getting used to it again, I feel so bad for the dogs, they got used to me being at home and going out every 5 or 6 hours , now when I go to work they have to be alone for 10 hours when I add in travel time. But they have been really good and every night when I get home all 4 of them are at the door waiting for me. So Cute!!
Still been house hunting as well and looking at so many of them , I am getting confused and they are all starting to look the same, so I have started videotaping and taking pictures of everyone I go see now. This is helping and it makes it easier for me to show Matt as well.
Sorry I have not been writing regularly, but I am going to go back to writing more often as I am finding this very theraputic and helpful with everything, just lets me get it all out. Have a great day and see you soon.

Househunting and more

Well I have been house hunting while Matt is at home in Vancouver, it is crazy and hard to look at houses without him here, though I think I know what we both want and that we have a lot of common interests in what we are looking for. The house I looked at the other day at Pape and Mortimer is probably the best of what we have seen together and apart. This house had all the charm and design that I love and want and all the space that we both need and love, including a rental in the basement that needs a bit of work and more definition but is all and all perfect and very rent ready. Other than that I have looked at other houses both online and in person.
I have my second meeting tonight at WAYLA, the bar on Queen and Carlaw that I make take over as manager. I have to be there at 11pm tonight and check it out and meet the staff and the owner for a drink and get a feel for the place. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I think I really want this job and  know that I can make it work for me and for Matthew and I together as a great start and profession and will give me the ability to contribute more to the house and also help out my folks a bit. Well we see if I even get it at all.
Well what else can I tell you about the last few days. I went out for dinner with my good friend Nancy the other night and that was very nice and we had a good time, great dinner and a lovely walk and talk afterwards. The perfect night. Thank you Nancy.
I have also been rather sick this week and have to go into the hospital on Monday morning, not sure what is going on, but soon I will know I hope. Have specialists appointments booked for the week after and am currently getting some sleep with my good friend Tylenol 3. I do what I can and this is just the way it is for now and has been for a while. The province of Ontario has this incredible waiting lists for certain tests and this is what I am waiting on and believe you me, it does not impress me at all. It actually just drives me nuts. I do thank god that I have a great doctor here and fabulous medical care here in Toronto.
Anyways have a great weekend and I will keep you all posted on the job front and everything else going on in our lives.

A Crazy Week

Well another crazy week in the works so far. I applies for a few new jobs on Sunday after Matthew was gone and I was finished crying for the day. I applied for 7 jobs and out of those I got 4 call backs for interviews. The first one was to work at a Salad Place and just do days Monday to Friday, thought the interview went well, but I guess I never got that one, as I haven't heard a word. The second call back and interview was to wait on tables in North York for 3 nights a week at a really cute and high end restaurant, but unfortunately I guess i never got this one either as he still hasn't called back and I am just going to assume no. The third was to manage a fast food Mexican Restaurant in the Eaton Center which would be ideal and she said she would let me know either Friday or Monday so we will see on this one, you never know , right? The fourth was a shock to say the least, this guy called last night and asked me to meet him at a bar on Church Street to talk about managing his bar on Queen Street, it was more of an informal meeting and we basically just sat there and visited with each other and had a couple cocktails, it was very nice and I got a great feeling from it. I am suppose to go and visit the bar on Saturday night and have a couple drinks and meet the staff and have a look at the bar and what it offers to me. I am hopeful.
Also this week I have been going back and forth with emails and looking at houses with Danny the realtor. I looked at a gorgeous house yesterday, though gorgeous and move in ready, it had one huge problem, the subway ran right under it and it was noisy! Today I am suppose to go with Danny again and look at 2 other properties on the east side. Stressful and hard to do this on my own. Then I have to communicate to Matthew about the house and what I thought. My god I have never house shopped before, this is harder than I thought.
On top of all this i am dealing with my daily headaches and been so sick all week that life is basically being lived on Tylenol 3 and regular tylenol in the day time. I stopped by the doctors office yesterday to get another prescription for Tylenol 3 to help me sleep at night. Today I woke up and the pain in my left kidney is really bad today again. God I hope they get this all figured out soon. Not sure what the hell is going on, but I am getting tired of living life in pain most days and just want my body to feel right.
Miss my lobster desperately and hate it when he is away, but this is what it is for now and hopefully he will be back soon and then here for good and permanently. There are a lot of things to do in the house in Vancouver and Matthew has to concentrate on that and just get them done so it can be listed and life together can start here in Toronto for us. I talk to him daily and every time I do it just makes me smile, I am not sure he knows how soothing his voice is to me and how much I look forward to our daily conversations. I just love it when I get to call him and talk to him, I also love when I get his little morning texts and he says his sweet things to me.
The dogs and cats are doing great and Sparky and Nadia are totally getting used to the apartment and little Sparky has taken over the entire balcony as his domain and he is even sleeping out there the last couple nights. He is a very happy boy. Nadia is sleeping with me and the girls at night in bed and become my little suck again.
Any how that is all for now, dinner tonight with Nancy and then going to help Wayne with some computer stuff later. Have a great day and I will be back soon.

Matt and his trip here

Matthew has come and gone now and it has been a couple weeks again since I have written anything. I know that I have been  really bad with this and need to get it together soon. It is so hard to get into writing when at the moment I only see Matthew for a couple weeks a month and then go a month without seeing him, so when he is here we are fairly busy and doing lots of stuff.
So let me catch you up again, Matthew arrived in time for his birthday and he brought the cats out here so now they are with me and the 4 animals and I are in our tiny little apartment , though the cats have adjusted amazingly and are doing great with being indoor cats and the dogs are loving having them back with them.
Matts parents were also out here in Toronto until the 10th and we went out to his aunts and had a family dinner to celebrate his mom and dads birthdays. It was lovely and all the women in his family were amazing and very accepting, the 2 men who married into the family however were not so great and even told Matts aunt that because we are gay, they didn't want us anywhere near their kids and the 2 husbands were so immature that they even ate dinner in another room away from Matthew and I and the rest of the family, grow up boys, it's 2011 and we are not a disease we are gay! Anyhow his blood relatives are lovely and I am glad to have met them all.
Matthew and I also looked at a whole lot of houses while he was here and did a lot of research into the real estate market here and tried to figure out where we want to be and which areas will be the best suited for us to live in. Looking at all these properties was actually more exhausting than I ever thought it could be, but it was also a lot of fun and time well spent together. We met an amazing realtor named Danny and he was just fabulous with us, taking us everywhere and showing us the up and coming areas and different houses through out the city.
Yesterday evening Matthew left again and now I am going through my little sad stage for a while here on my own with the kids. Matthew is back in Vancouver listing the house and getting things all done there so when the house sells he will be back here permanently with all of us here in Toronto and now all we have to do is find a place here suitable for our little family to live in.
The poor guy has so much to do back in Vancouver such as paint the ceiling, pack everything, paint the back steps and also fix up some minor details throughout the house, like back splash and small finishing touches in the kitchen and stuff.
Meanwhile I will be here in Toronto and still looking at houses and stuff. Emailing Matt what I find on a daily basis and trying to make the right decisions on what we want and would be happy in and something for the both of us to start our married life in together.
I will try to be more consistent in my writing here again and keep you all up to date. Talk soon and have a great Sunday.

My Bad

Well I must apologize for not writing lately but I have been a little busy and very self absorbed with some personal issues of my own. Nothing bad at least not for now.
Matthew is here in Toronto right at the moment and has been for just a week now and will be returning to Vancouver some time here in September. We have been totally busy out looking at different areas of the city and at real estate that is out there some where that we may be interested in and an area that we can both agree on that is close to downtown and transit.
  The other thing I have been a bit absorbed with is my health and I am not going to go into great detail about that for now, just going to say I have not been to well as of late and am going to be going for a lot of tests and some other stuff as soon as all the appointments and specialists are booked. I am a lot nervous and living on various different types of tylenol right at the moment to get through some of my days. I will let those who are close to me know what has been going on when I know more.
  All I can say is right now this sucks and I am a lot worried but am getting through day to day and living and looking at what my options are according to my doctor. In the mean time I am working here and there and getting paid a decent wage and get to basically pick my own hours which is very nice. i get emailed events and get to decide which ones I want to do and if they are worth my while. I do not want to work to much right at the moment any how and am really not sure I could. Being out for more than a couple of hours right now is not even doable some days.
Matthew and I are having a great time and as always we get a lot accomplished when we are in the same city and together and it is so nice. I was so glad when he arrived and he got here on the day I had a lot of my doctors appointments and stuff and he helped me to relax a bit afterwards and not to worry so much. I am glad otherwise I would have been a total wreck.
Anyhow I will talk to you all soon and hope you are having a great day. Will keep you all informed of our house hunting trips and what we find. And will also keep you all informed of my upcoming appointments and health issues.

3 More Sleeps

Only 3 more sleeps till Matthew is here in Toronto and he is bringing the cats. I have totally readied the balcony and cat proofed it I hope! I have worked my butt off for 2 days and done the whole balcony with pigeon netting and a new fiber glass chicken wire to keep the cats in and the birds out. I am looking so forward to Matthew and the cats arriving tuesday night and am so excited and nervous to have the cats here full time.
This week also brought Rogues birthday, I can't believe my little girl is 7 years old. It is hard to believe I have had her for that long and she still acts like a little puppy. Love it. She is my little girl and so cute and great to have in my life. Storm will be 6 in October, time just seems to fly and I am not sure what I would do without them around and with me all the time. It should be a lot of fun, all the kids back together again, though it is going to be so hard on the cats, not being able to go in and out as they please. Oh well such is life and they will get used to it I hope.
Wednesday will be Matthew's birthday and I plan to celebrate that and have a great time and a small party for him the weekend following. Should be fun, Labor day weekend party. We can do a holy shit your married party again for our friends here and also a birthday party for him as well. Looking so forward to it.
Oh well I am just excited to have my lobster with me here in Toronto again for a while and then he is back to Vancouver to finish getting the house ready for sale and I am here to continue working , looking after the kids and start looking for our new home here. It should be fun, but there is a lot to do and it just seems overwhelming some days. Thats okay, once it is all done it will be great and we can start our new lives together here in Toronto and in our new house with the kids. Well that is it for now. Will try to keep you all up to date on our little adventures. As for this week I was a little under the weather and never wrote a thing, was hardly out of bed unless I was making something to eat or taking the girls for a walk.

Getting Ready for Sparky and Nadia

Well today is all about the animals and what I am going to have to do to prepare for the cats arrival. Sparky and Nadia will be here on the 30th and I am so happy to have them coming to Toronto, I only wish I was in a better situation for them and had a small yard where they could play, but sadly I do not. Sparky and Nadia are so used to coming and going in and out as they damn well please, it will be hard for them to get used to living in an apartment, but at least they will have the dogs again and they will all be together. Rogue and Storm have missed the cats so much and they are so cute with them, I remember when we first brought them home and They looked after the kittens just like they were their own babies. It was so cute, All four of them in the car on the way back to Vancouver from the farm in Alberta.
So this week I have to go and get some chicken wire and seal in the balcony completely so that Sparky and Nadia can go out there when ever they please. They are so used to the fresh air , so I am going to try and make it as much like home for them that I can. I also have to go and get them some food at Walmart and a litter box and cat litter for them and figure out where to put a cat litter box in our small little space here in Toronto. Also have to find a scratching post of some sort so that the cats do not start to scratch the furniture.
We have to get the cats here and list the house in Vancouver without any pets in it. God I hope it sells fast so that Matthew can move here as soon as possible, looking like a winter move though. Once he is here we can go and look at houses and figure out where to live in the city and find a great neighborhood for all the animals and for us. My preference is somewhere close to down town here in Toronto so I can still walk to everywhere that I am used to going and still see friends and go out. Anyhow the cats will be here in 8 days with my hubby. Looking forward to seeing all 3 of them.

What a week

Well another week has come and gone and so much has been completed. Flights are booked, real estate agents have been in and evaluated everything, Mom has had her MRI, I have quit smoking and started my new crafts, job has been secured for September. Now to elaborate on all of this, yikes!!
Matthew and the cats are flying out here on the 30th, yes I said the cats , little Sparky and Nadia will soon be Toronto residents and reunited with the dogs as of the 30th of August, so in this tiny apartment, we will all be very soon together again. So there is a lot to do before their arrival, I have to make sure the balcony is totally cat proof and go and get some chicken wire this week just to ensure they don't get onto the neighbors balcony and fall off. I love the cats and would just die if anything ever happened to them. The dogs will be so happy when the cats get here and when they get to see Matthew again. I will be so happy to see Matthew again and can't even wait. God I am so excited and it is still 9 days away. I have arranged a ride from the airport and everything for him thus far.
Real Estate agents have come and gone through the house in Vancouver and given their quotes on what they think the house is worth and now it is time to get shit done and go through stuff and actually choose a selling agent and get the move on here to Toronto. I am excited , sad and totally nervous all at the same time and looking forward to house shopping here in the very near future and setting up out new home for Matthew, myself and the kids(cats and dogs). The house is Vancouver will be missed and I will miss going back to see the neighbors or at least some of them. I will also miss the house and will now have no excuse to go back to the neighborhood. It was the house where Matthew and I lived and started our life together. It was a beautiful and lovely time for the most part. We had a lot of great times and I will have to go back to the house for one last good bye before it is sold.
Mom went in this week for all of her blood work and her MRI to make sure there are no complications and that the cancer has not come back, this has been a very stressful time and I never do well when Mom is going through anything at all and hate it when she is going through this and I am not there. Anyone who knows me, knows how important Mom is to me and how much I love her and what she went through last year. I just pray that all will be fine and nothing is wrong. I just hate all these check ups she has to go through and the stress it causes her.
I also managed to quit smoking this week and am doing okay, when I was in Vancouver I bought what they call an EV Cigarette and this is an electronic smoke which is like a real ciggy and creates an actual exhale and which is a water vapor.I have also started my new hobby, which is making toys out of recycled materials, which if I do say so myself i am getting rather good at and as soon as I have all my prototypes ready, I am going to take them to a store see if they will carry them for me, and also like to start my own on line business. Will let you all know when I get it done. Anyhow that was my week thus far. You all have a great day.

Work and Life

Well I am done working for the Greeks for now, and man am I thankful for that. They all have this hellish temper and think they are above people which always drove me nuts. I am now going back to work for a catering company and that suits me just fine as this will allow me to choose my own events which I want to do and when I am available and if I go to work some where else full time it will be perfect. So life is good and I am a happy boy again. I went in today for a meeting a negotiated my wage for both serving and supervising and got what I wanted and what I think is very fair and am just happy that I have a job and it is one that will work around my schedule. With the selling of the house and everything and flying back and forth for both Matt and I, it is perfect.
People always want what they don't have or can not have, I have learned in life to love what I have and live with it. I have everything I want now, a gorgeous and loving wonderful husband, family and friends who will always be by my side, two wonderful dogs, two amazing cats, a decent job, a roof over my head, enough money to pay my bills(barely). This is all I need. i used to dream of everything perfect and thought that you had to have a white picket fence, a big house, the perfect job and a husband who lived in the same city. I know now this is not the case, all you need is love and to work together with the one you love and understand each other and Matthew and I do, so we are happy and I am happy.
Although I miss him lots, I survive everyday here with the knowledge that not too far in the future we will be living in the same city again.Right now all though we are not physically together all the time we are mentally together and carry each other in our hearts and this is a fabulous feeling. I get happier everyday just knowing that I have a man who loves me and someone who I love very much and couldn't imagine living without.
The last 2 days were extremely hard as I was sick and alone and just wanted Matt here beside me to comfort me.I hate being sick and be quite the baby when I am. I also hate not being able to just snuggle with Matthew when I am sick. But that is the way it is for now. Any how am feeling a bit better today and am just happy.

Leather Weekend and Fetish Ball in Toronto

Well I have been back in Toronto now for 4 days after my visit to Vancouver and let me tell you it just gets harder to be away from Matthew. I had my day of tears and my very sleepless night the day after I got home here. It is never easy to live in a different city then your husband, but I am getting used to it, no I am not, and who am i trying to kid. I have accepted who i am and I live with that every day and I love myself, but yes I am selfish and I want my husband here with me.
So this weekend I am going to try and keep my mind busy by going to look at men on Church street in their hot leather outfits. Every year in Toronto about 6 weeks after Pride is done they have a leather and fetish fair here and they close off the streets and have all these events and people selling stuff and the bars are just crazy busy.
Fun Fun Fun, so I think I will go and look around today and go for a walk and see who is out and take some pictures of hot men and their leather outfits.
Also today at 4pm Wayne is singing with the choir behind Zippers today, so Nancy and I are going to walk down there and check it out. Also suppose to go and meet with the other Wayne today and his partner Kevin. Wayne wants to talk to me about stuff so I am looking forward to this and what he may have to say. I can only guess what it is about!
Any ways i will keep you posted on the leather fair and maybe if I can figure it out post some pictures on here and let you all see them. Have a great day and go and check out the fetish fair here in Toronto if you are around.

Been A While Part 3, More Good Times

Well the rest of my trip to Vancouver was great as well. Matthew and I went out with one of the irsh boys from downstairs, Morris, on Friday the 5th and we had a lot of fun, I even played pool again and almost one the one game, good times. Tim, who is now living with Matt as a roommate came and met up with us later. Great guys but they are in their 20's and 30's and boy can they drink, they are also straight and we took them to a gay bar, so we left soon after Morris was complete to be drunk and tired of this ugly man from Texas hitting on him, it was rather funny to me.
On the Saturday we had a fun and casual drop in party to celebrate our wedding and marriage with friends from Vancouver, lots of people showed up and it lasted from 2pm til after 10pm, a great time and good visits with everyone. Raj came and he bought us a gift card, and gave us a beautiful card, Russ and Elaine also showed up quickly and brought us a lovely card and a beautiful bottle of champagne. The neighbors Anabel and Christian and baby Leila were also by and bought us a beautiful bottle of champagne as well which we enjoyed on the Monday night with Matts parents before a lovely dinner out with them. Also received a fabulous box of chocolates from the young gay down the street Robert, who is social with me but not really a friend of mine. Also thank you to my cousin Harold, Marc and his partner, Chris and Nadja and the family clan for dropping by and making our day special. it was a lot of fun. Thanks to all who showed up and made that day special, we will do this again in Alberta and in Toronto so all of our friends and family may share in the celebration of our wedding.
Sunday afternoon we were going to have a picnic on the lawn and drink champagne when out of the blue a friend of ours Tim called and we went to Pumpjack for a few beer instead, we were having a lot of fun, parted ways with Tim after a great visit and some good times. Then Matt and I went to another club which was really dark and Matt ended up falling and we spent the better part of the later evening in the emergency room getting his sprained and very swollen finger attended to.
Monday night we had our second dinner with Matts parent whom I always enjoy seeing and love dearly. We also spent a couple days over at their house to complete jobs that needed to be done.Yes there is always something to do over there, I think it is just an excuse to see their little boy and to keep busy for them.
Tuesday was a quiet day and Wednesday i had to come back to Toronto and leave my lobster. Now I am back in Toronto , it is Saturday and you are all caught up with your gay neighbor. have a wonderful weekend and I will be back soon.

Been a While Part 2, the phsycos in Vancouver

Well let me finish catching you up. Some of the weirdos I met and had already known in Vancouver came out of the woodwork. Let me tell you about a few of them. There is Joe and his partner Shawn, well Joe and I were best friends for many years and even lived together years ago as roommates and everything, we know longer speak because he is such a phsycotic little idiot.  We ran into him a week after Pride at the bar and he came up to me and said so are you gonna talk to me now, I simply turned around and said I honestly have nothing to say to you and he looked at me all grumpy and fat as he always looks and bluntly told me to just go f**k myself then. Thank god, now maybe we will be done.
Phsyco #2 from my trip was Rory, well Rory and I have had one hell of a past over the last year as well and I figured it was just time to bury the hatchet, so I asked him to meet with me and have a chat about a few things, like hitting on my husband and his little powder habit, both things I don't care much for. He said yes he would love to chat, never showed up and avoided me for a full 10 days, a hard thing for anyone to do. Congrats to you for that I am not an easily avoidable person in any way. Good for you and now we are done.
Phsyco # 3 was Jack, whom I use to date and thought I was still afriend with , but he is obviously off his meds this month, because he just totally treated Matt and I like shit, and I say to that oh well. So ran into him again a week later and he politely said hi, I ignored him, then he walked up to me later as I am leaving the washroom and said oh , what are you and Matt doing later, I politely said not you and nothing with you and calmly walked away.
Phsyco # 4, now this one you will all love, his name is Brent and he just seemed to be at Pumpjacks every time we were, yay, lucky us. and ugly old creep who for some reason thought that I was going to be his new best friend. i almost had him in tears the one day, I take joy in that if you annoy the hell out of me and I do it nicely so please beware. Any how Brent is an ex trick of Matts and is supposedly married , but for some god forsaken reason happens to want my husband and my approval of it and on top of that to be my friend, nuh uh! The guy even went so far as to buying me shooters the one day and hell yeah I took them , free alcohol. I am not a drunk , but hey it was free. Anyways Brent was just annoying.

Been A while

Well it has been a while since i have written anything and I do apologize for that, so let me catch you up. I was away fro 10 days and went to Vancouver to see my lobster and spend some time with him. Had the greatest time doing so much. So here goes I flew out on the Saturday morning July 30th  at a very early hour and had to catch the bus from downtown to the airport which is quite the trip here in Toronto. Any how walked over to the bus stop at 4am that morning, standing there and waiting for the bus, the first 2 did not go all the way to the ariport, finally the third one did. Any how while waiting I met this young man, well he was thirty and extremely hot , but somewhat annoying at the same time. He was standing there at the bus stop with me and hitting on me and let me tell you , if anyone hits on you after 40 at 4am when you are dead tired, it is flattering at the least. I loved every minute of it, after all I am married not dead or blind and can still look all I want. Sat on the bus with him and talked and he continued to flirt all the way to his stop. Such a sweet young man and the body, my god!
So after that little happening I get to the air port to go to Vancouver and of course my flight is late again. I never get one that is on time. But eventually I landed in Vancouver after a long flight and changing seats and all on the plane, I sat there next to this lovely young lady, well in her late forties and we talked about the hospitality industry, she works for fairmont hotel chain, and opens hotels all over the world for them. Showed her Matt and my wedding album. She loved it or at least said she did.
Got off the plane around 9:30am Vancouver time and got see my husband, the highlight of the trip, just seeing his smile and to give him the hugest kiss when he pulled up, god I love my husband. So it was also Pride weekend in Vancouver that week and we went that Saturday afternoon to a friends party which was fun and I got to see Tim , Lorne and Rob again and catch up with them. All of Pride weekend was spent drinking, and going out for events and seeing people at the bar whom I haven't seen since I left and also meeting new friends, a lot of fun and a lot of Vodka, good times!
The Sunday of the Pride parade we went out to Pumpjacks which is still my favorite bar in Vancouver, and we just had fun, drinking and socializing with people and just being together. A total amazing day. Did the same on the Monday.
The rest of the week was spent relaxing and just spending time together and doing stuff around the house and a bit of gardening and a lot of weeding, but god the garden looks good now. On the thursday we drove up to Whistler for the day and I had a blast with Matt, as I had never been there. I know, I know all those years in Vancouver and never going up there, weird huh? We got some nice pictures. Had a great lunch at a little restaurant and walked a hell of a lot, but so much to see and do. Go and visit.
Well that is an update up to the first Thursday , going for a walk now and will be back with another post here with the rest of everything about my trip to Vancouver. A lot more to come and a bit of juice for my steady readers.

On me way to see the husband

Well I finally did it, I got the flight booked and ma headed to Vancouver for 10 days to spend with my hubby. I arrive tomorrow morning and am looking so forward to it. I have never missed anyone quite so much and will be so glad when I get to give him a big kiss and a hug when he meets me at the airport. We are also going to have a small informal party to celebrate our wedding on August 6th. Not too many people from Vancouver that I care to invite, but there is few I would love to see and to have there to celebrate.
I do not now regret leaving Vancouver for I am happy, I am married to the man I love and there is such a positive energy around me, I just want to get up and go in the mornings and do stuff and have fun and live. Toronto is invigerating for me and just wonderful in every way.er I would be done on the phone with him.
Going to vancouver will be bitter sweet in many ways, I get to spend time with my husband, see his parents and a few friends that I have left there, but eventually I have to leave my husband again and come back here. That is the saddest part and I hate it when we have to leave each other. When Matthew left here i think I cried for 2 days at the drop of a hat, it was just weird, I cried from song, a movie or even just seeing his picture or after I would get off the phone with him. Eventually I will have to get used to not being with him all the time and soon enough we will be together all the time.

The Waiting Game

A game we all play, the waiting game, waiting to live , waiting to die, waiting for acceptance and waiting for love. Waiting for news from a friend or a loved one. Waiting for the phone to ring, or your favorite program to come on the television, waiting for the work day to end.I have learned how to live, found love, I have acceptance in my of my life and tolerance in most who I meet and have in my life. Waiting to die, well I hope I never do, though I know we all will at some point in our lives. This week I am waiting for my check and really need that to come in today or tomorrow. I have all the bills coming out in the next week and need to cover this stuff so it is done.
It is Pride week in Vancouver and in Montreal this week and I am sure it is in many other cities as well, I want to wish all my friends celebrating Pride where ever you are a very happy Pride and now after all is done we can wait for next year for it to come back and we can celebrate again. i try to celebrate my pride everyday of my life , because I am proud and not of just being gay , but of being a very strong, loving and outgoing, opinionated and loved gay man with many great friends and a very hot husband.
Today I have a doctors appointment and then another busy day tomorrow and then the weekend , thanks to me every day right at the moment is a day off, so weekends are truly irrelevant at this point and time. I have to go and fix that when I get home, went to Johnny G's yesterday and talked to Betty about a job and may have one with her when I get back. I also got an email from L Eat Catering and may have an interview with them tomorrow. I just hope they give me some notice and let me know sooner than later.
Yesterday I went to Walmart and picked up our wedding photos that I had printed and made a really cute album. Got a couple large ones done as well and have the picture of Matthew and I sitting by the tv now, so now, no matter where I am in the apartment I can see our wedding picture. Love you Matthew and thanks to all my readers for your support. have a great week and again Happy Pride to everyone in Montreal and Vancouver or where ever you may be celebrating or if you are like me, Happy Pride everyday of the year.

Still Searching for a Flight

I have still been searching for flights and trying to get to Vancouver to see my husband. I miss him lots and just want to be next to him for a week or so. Wayne has offered to take the girls for the time I would be gone and to look after them for me, so sweet of him. Sadly it does not look as though I am going out to Vancouver, Westjet, Air Canada and Sunwing are all too expensive to fly out there at the moment. Crazy I know. I have spent hours looking at flights and seeing when they leave and the costs. With Sunwing I phoned them this morning and this was my question, Why are your taxes double of Air Canada and West Jet and why are they not explained and split up as to what the taxes are? Easy question , I think, not sure why they couldn't answer it.
So I have decided not to use Sunwing unless they have this incredible special on sometime, but at the moment I am pissed at them and am giving you all advice to look at the damn taxes and make sure they are explained as to what they are and why they are as much as they are.
Also tried to fly out standby and was told they no longer do that at all, with Air Canada or West Jet. Not sure why. I am also curious how flights that are not full raise their prices on the last couple days instead of lowering them. This to me is weird as well. I just don't get it.
So it is looking as though I am not going to make it out to see my husband, hoping his room mate Tim will be staying in Canada for another year so that Matthew can fly out here in August and we won't have to worry bout the cats for now. We have been talking lots on the phone and on msn as of lately so it is nice to be together and to see him in that way at least. I still miss my lobster and was so looking forward to being next to him, well I may have to wait and look at flights for him to come out here sooner than later. I love you Matthew and miss you.

Sunday Sunday

Things are going well and the heat has been very extreme this week so most of my time has been spent in doors with the air conditioner on. I have been out applying for work and talking with old friends about jobs as well and also been looking for a flight so I can go out to Vancouver and see my husband. I would really like to be there with him for a week or so but the reality is that it may not happen and that has seriously been bothering me and hurting me in so many ways. Last night i just lost it and got mad at Matt and then I sat here and cried all night. It was a shitty night and crazy time for both of us and a very emotional one. I never doubt the love we have for each other and know that Matthew loves me very much, but it is just so hard on both of us to be so far apart and to start our marriage that way. I can tell when I talk with Matt that he is going through the same stresses that I am and that he misses me more than I miss him at times. But all and all life is good and we will conquer this as we have many other things through out our relationship.
Yesterday was a totally interesting day for me, I walked to Future Shop and bought a portable hard drive, was on my way home, just walking and minding my own business and this guy pulls up beside me and told me I was hot, which was shocking in the least, all sweaty and walking in an old pair of shorts and a tank top. I said thanks and kept walking, he followed me in his car, weird to say the least, you never know if they area murderer or just someone looking for sex or whatever. I just wasn't sure, so I thought what the hell I will stop and talk to him, you never know , could be a friend of the future and who am I to judge anyone at this point in my life. Anyhow he gave me his name and number and I thought what the hell, I'll give him a call and just see. He called back and talked for a bit. Then I had another guy who I talked to on a chat sight and he turned out to be a dating stalker and wanted to have dinner and everything, sorry but I was just looking for something else and it wasn't a date, I am married and happy to be so, what part of that do people not understand. I am not sure! This is a part of gay life that makes it really hard for anyone, as soon as you are attached, everyone wants you and sometimes that makes you feel good and attractive, yesterday at first I felt really attractive and then I felt really sad, because it made me miss the man that truly loves me and who I am in love with. Well today I am going to keep busy and just do my own thing, go for a walk and do some window shopping and stuff and keep my mind busy. I truly need to go back to work and soon, but I also want a job that is going to treat me right and be a good fit for both myself and my employer. Anyhow tomorrow is another day and I am making the best of everything and everyday that I can. I am happy in life and have no regrets, hopefully I can keep it that way, after all everything is mind over matter, right?
Matthew had a crazy day yesterday as well and went over to his parents and then had to drive his room mate Tim(from New Zealand) to the states to renew his visa to work in Canada for another year. So he had a really long day and a long night the night before, I think we have both had many sleepless nights since he left for back to Vancouver and that is hard on both of us. I can hear it in his voice how much he misses me and I know how much I miss him and we both look forward to the time when we can sit here in Toronto together. Hope you all have a great day, I am going to try and have one as well. To my Matthew i love you and never doubt your love for me. have a great day from your gay neighbor.

My Gay Life and the stuff before in review

Well I figure I owe most people a recap of who I am and where I come from and what I have been through to get to this point in my life. When I was a young boy I grew up in a very small Alberta town and believe me it was small and still wonderful. I had the best friends in the world and am still friends with most of them, or at least the few that are important to me, all girls by the way. While growing up there I knew I was gay or shall I say I knew something was different about me from a very early age and I had to live a lie, because I really wasn't sure at all. I dated girls all through grade school and then through secondary school and then I got engaged to a girl before I was even 18, because I thought that was the right thing to do. After I was 15 I started to see an older man on the down low and believe me it was very discrete, no one then and no one now knows his name and that is one I will take to my grave, after all it was a promise I made to never tell and if you know me at all, you know I keep my promises.
Anyways from 14 to 16 was actually a living hell for me in school and I was ridiculed, picked on and made fun of, I can hardly remember any boys even talking to me those years unless they were calling me nasty names or picking on me or just ignoring me and always making me feel like I don't belong, thank god I had the girls.
I left home at a a very early age and still had all this shit to deal with on a daily basis from people. I waited on tables which didn't help my situation at all. I chose to take my high school courses by correspondence and then wrote my GED exam. I never had a prom, nor have I ever gone back to a high school reunion.
My life has always been move and just run from these people until I was in my 20's I did this because I thought that if I left where I was it would stop and my life would get better, it didn't. Not to matter where I went until I hit the big city of Edmonton when I was 25 and came out fully flaming and screaming. Came out actively to my family when I was 26 and that was actually harder than all the bullying I had put up with to that point, I was so damn worried about hurting everyone I loved.
I had my first real relationship when I was 26 and that didn't last too long, my mistake I guess, I left Nick and soon after found my first love, the city of Vancouver, I loved that city and well i was there trying to get work which just never panned out and I was so wowed with the size and beauty of Vancouver that I settled and did things i never thought I would. Yes I did porn and had my photos taken for money and lived in a dumpy little room above a bar, with a pet cockroach. Not the greatest life and I managed to keep it for about 6months and then went back to Edmonton. I then met Henry and I was now in a relationship really quickly again, we were together for just over 2 years and it was great for a while but things got bad quickly, Henry had a drinking problem and a young man problem as well, yes he cheated and left me for someone else. I soon after that met James and well I just went from bad to worse. I was no longer in a relationship with a man with a drinking problem, but now I was living with a man in a very mentally and physically abusive relationship  with a drug user and by drugs I don't mean pot. He was full on into coke and crack and used to just beat me and threaten me for no reasons at all. He threatened me daily that if I ever tried to leave he would kill me. Once I got away from James, I left for Vancouver again and this time I was successful and got a great management job in a Vegetarian restaurant, the in a gay bar and then another gay bar. I was popular and on my way, finally being gay paid off, for the first time ever. It always did , cause it was me , it just didn't feel like it. I managed to be one of the most well known persons in The Vancouver Gay Community, everyone said hi to me, single , popular, back in the city I fell in love with years ago, everything was great. I left my job at Numbers after almost 2 years , went to Calgary for a while and things just got worse again, in another physically abusive relationship and with another man who lies and cheats, how the hell did I fall into this pattern, over 30 and still I attract these men. Really? Yes really.
After my failed time in Calgary I went back to Vancouver for a while, but when you are not managing a gay bar anymore, all of a sudden your popularity disappears. Vancouver was no longer the city I loved, it fell out of love with me and rather quickly. I soon went back to Edmonton for a bit and reconnected with the past through an old job. Soon after that I found the internet and this was now my new ticket to dating, I met many people in Toronto and decided to take the plunge after about a year and move out here and go and meet them and look for the man of my dreams, met a few I thought were them , but sadly they weren't. I dated a man named Wayne here in Toronto for a few years , just over 5 I do believe. He was sweet and wonderful and loved me but I was never in love with him and I don't think he was with me either, but we are still great friends.
Little did I know my true love, my lobster was in Vancouver all the time, I just hadn't met him yet! Will get to that shortly.
During my 30's life was not perfect but I always had a job and managed to get by day to day. I was gay bashed 3 times in my life and have had other things which were worse happen to me as well. I shall keep those a secret for now.
Well it is late and I will finish telling you the rest of my story tomorrow , have a  great night!

Sleepless Night

Well last night was possibly the hottest night I have ever been alive to see. I was ready for bed at 10pm and so tired and text Matt to say good night. Got into bed and well wouldn't you know I could not sleep at all. It was a whopping temperature of 38 this morning at 3am, ridiculous I say. I finally got to sleep around 4am, not at all what I expected.
I lied down at around 10 and felt so tired, perhaps too tired to actually sleep, so I lied there for over 2 hours an then got up and did what I do best, sat on line and then text Matthew and then chatted with him on MSN for over an hour, which was just amazing as per usual. We have the best talks as of late and we can say so much that had never been said before and this time I feel all the love he has for me.
Got up this morning bright and early at around 7am and went to meet Rick for a quick coffee this morning and took the dogs for a long walk before it gets too damn hot today. it is suppose to break records here in Toronto and is actually already a temperature of 38 with humidity and suppose to get up 37 without humidity and 48 with the humidity. It makes the city so hazy and hot and sticky.
Well I hope everyone beats the heat today and you all have a great day. I am going to try to and maybe I will get some sleep later as well.

Gay life gets better, but it takes time

Matthew is so cute since we got married! Well he was before, but now it is just adorably cute and so sweet. He texts me every morning to say he loves me and Good Morning. I look forward to those so much, it just makes my day to see those words from someone who I truly am in love with.
Things do work out for the best and if you just wait and let things run their course then everything will end up the way it is suppose to be and you just go with it and accept what life has in store for you. Yes we make our own paths and choose our own ways , but not without a little help from others.
I honestly thought when I was younger and being teased and picked on and ridiculed before I even knew i was gay, that I would never be this happy and here I am. So just to let you know, if you are a young gay man or women and people are judging you and being ignorant, life does get better and you can be a very happy and openly gay person and live your life for you. I know I am now!
When I came out and told everyone who needed to know that I was gay, life became very different and and much harder for me in many ways. I went through many disfunctional relationships and had a terrible time in the public eye and with some of my I thought were friends and a few family members as well. And yes I understand this was hard for other people, but it was especially hard for me. I was just finally figuring out who I was and where I belonged in the world. No more pretending to be someone else.
I think this is the hardest thing for any gay or lesbian person to do, because all of a sudden life changes for you and everyone around you and things become very different in every ones eyes.
All i am saying in the end is that it is worth the wait, so no matter how much people bully you, pick on you and belittle you, hold on, because it gets better you just have to wait it out and let things run their course. I know it is hard and I would not have believed those words myself, but it happened to me and now I do. Good luck to you all and thanks for reading. have a great day, Love your gay neighbor.

The heat this week

Well it has been so hot this week and I am actually so brown now an love that part, but the heat, let me tell you, it is a real killer in more ways than one. I think I may actually have a little bit of sun stroke from the warm weather.
It has been well above 40 every day so far this week and yesterday I was out in a black suit all morning and looking for work, so with wearing the all black and the heat off the pavement, I am thinking it has made me a bit sick, but oh well at least I had a couple interviews.
Today I was a bad boy and sat outside on my balcony for a bit and got a bit more tanned, and then I cleaned my windows and the railing on the balcony, which really needed it bad. Now everything is cleaned and looking really good, and I am so proud of the little apartment now.
So anyways tonight not feeling my best I had to phone my hubby and hear his voice and it made me feel a bit better, nothing like being alone when you are not well and missing someone so much. It just helps when he says he loves me and misses me and even though it did not make feel better physically, it sure as to hell made me feel a lot better mentally.

Looking for Flights is HELL

Well I have been looking for a cheap flight now so I can go and spend a week with my husband and see him and just lie next to him. I miss him so much and just wish that he was here. Today was an extremely emotional and sad day for some reason. Things just hit me and I felt alone again. I was just having a really sad day. I will keep checking every day and see if I can land a seat sale on one of the airlines here soon and make it out to Vancouver for my husband and for PRIDE at the end of the month.
This traveling back and forth is for the birds, but I know that we can make it work, we just may not see each other as much as we originally thought and that is cool, but when we do get to be together we will just have to make sure that we spend the most time together and to spend every minute together in our thoughts even when we are not in the same city. Every day we speak on Msn and I get to see his gorgeous smile and hear him laugh which just brightens my day and makes me wake up and get all the shit done that I need to do. I know it is the same for him. He is my lobster. 
I got some good news today and a lead on a job, not that I was worried about that. An old friend of mine in the catering business may be able to get me on as a supervisor with the company he works with. I will just keep looking until I hear anything, because you just never know and anyhow it is what it is and out of my hands at this point. I just have to wow someone and hopefully they won't be some sort of asshole. So back to the job search is going well and I am at least getting interviews with owners and managers and this is more than I got in Vancouver and the energy here is so much more positive. It just makes me happier and more positive as well. I actually want to get up in the morning and go outside instead of sitting on the couch. I am in love with my husband and my new city. Things are great.
Have a great day, Love your gay neighbor!

Hubby back in Vancouver for a week now

Well Matthew has been back in Vancouver for a week now and things are going great for both of us, although it is hard at times and we truly miss each other, this is what it is right now and we are happy in our lives. I am so happy that life has taken me on the course that it has and that the path I have chosen has actually worked out. It just goes to show that if you can deal with all the shit life gives you eventually you will hit something good.
Matthew and I went through a few rough patches and we made it. I have also realized that I need to be less needy and a lot less controlling of my life and just let it go. This was actually a huge challenge for me , but I am managing quite well with it all.
This is why Matt and I are now happy, because we both learned to let go and just let things ride as they will. Any how this is what works for us and made us stronger as a couple.
God I miss him a lot especially on days like today when it is so hot out that all you can do is sit on the couch half naked in front of the air conditioner. I get to talk to him almost daily on MSN, but it is not the same as seeing him in person and kissing his lips and touching him and going for walks and holding his hand. I miss holding his hand the most.
I keep looking for a cheap flight to Vancouver every day so I can go and join him for PRIDE in Vancouver. I would love nothing more than to go out there and just be there with him for a week and celebrate another PRIDE together like we did here. I also want to have a party for our friends in Vancouver and just celebrate our wedding and union. We haven't yet to have any wedding celebrations which is not important but it would be so nice to see certain people and let them celebrate with us.
Hope you are all having a great day and I will be back later to write some more for you. To my husband, I miss you lots and hope you are having a rain free day in Vancouver. Today it is hot as hell here and 41 already with the humidity. I am sweating like a pig.

Interview, A word I never hardly heard in Vancouver

Well I have been hitting the pavement all week and do not currently have another job but at least I have heard the word interview and am happy with that. Also very happy to be staying away from those People whom I once worked for here in Toronto. I have decided not to be treated like shit anymore and am good with waiting for the right job instead of taking the first job that comes along. I have also been looking at going back to school and getting a degree in interior design. It is something I truly enjoy and am actually really good at. Putting colors together and making a room work. I also really enjoy painting and redoing rooms and sewing and all those exciting thing and I love shopping for materials and stuff like that.
I have an interview today and it si for a job that is not in a restaurant and I am totally willing to try it and see if I can do this and if it is right for me. I have decided to no longer work full time on my feet and do not want to deal with people all the time and especially do not want to babysit a bosses children and himself and his family. Really get off your ass and grab your own coffee and clean up your own table when you and your family eat dinner at the restaurant.

I miss my Husband

Matthew has only been gone for a few days now and I totally miss him and think of him every minute and the girls and I miss him so much. I never actually thought that I could miss a man so much, but I do! Yesterday I think I talked to him 3 times on the phone and then 2 times on MSN. MSN is the most fun, because we can have a video chat and I can see him, my little lobster.
There is so much to take care of and we have so much to do, including planning our wedding parties and I am thinking that we may have to do 3 of them, This is my thought on the whole thing, 1 party in Vancouver for Matthews friends and a couple of my old friends and then a party in Alberta for all my friends and family and Matthews friends in Calgary, then a final party here in Toronto. I think this way we cover all of our friends and family.
So let me know what you think and what you would do.
I can't wait for Matt and the kids to move out here and for us to get a really nice place together again and make our home here in Toronto as a married couple. And the cats and dogs are back together again and we are one big family again. I knew when he came out here that I wanted to marry him and be with him forever. I love you and miss you Matt and can't wait till you are here again.

My Big Fat Greek Ex Employer

Well this man turned out to be a total ass and idiot and so unappreciative of anything that anyone does. He and his brother are both just total jerks, and that would be a kind word to say to him in any way. I am no longer employed with them at all but am not giving up at all, I am in Toronto and know that I will have another job very soon and I am going to do my best not to work for some asshole greek again. Never had much luck with them.
Yesterday I was out doing errands and stuff and was across from the restaurant and all of a sudden Themys is standing out side and giving me a dirty look because I am on the street. I just can't believe the childish way this ass hole of a man who said he was my friend is behaving! Like really what is that all about, He is in his 60's and acting like a child.
When I came back to Toronto, he and his wife asked me to come back to work and that was great, then they had me doing extras for them and stuff like scheduling and cleaning lists for the front of house and helping with PRIDE and all that other shit that I guess they are just not smart enough to do. I gladly helped and did all that I could well not even making minimum wage for the first 3 weeks as the cheap bastard ripped me off. I worked my butt of as I always do and I really have to learn to just do what everyone else does, go in wait on tables and leave, not worry if things are perfect, just make my money and go.
Buyer beware stay away from Daybreak and the Greek cook who pisses out back and doesn't even wash his hands, yes that is true!

Back to the real world

Well Matt is back in Vancouver and had another long flight and then ended up on a broken down sky train so who knows what time he got to the house in Vancouver, all I know is I was sleeping by 3am. Hard to sleep alone again but I just have to get used to it because I know it is not forever and he will be back soon or I will be there, either way it will be great and we will be together as much as possible.
Matthew's parents are coming out to see family in August and I am really hoping that they put some time aside to come and visit me and the girls. His parents and I really get along and I wish they were out here living so it would be easier for Matt to move. I am close to my family, but not near the closeness Matt has with his folks. Hell I don't really speak to my family except my Mom and my one sister and occasionally my nephews, nieces and my younger brother and sister in laws through facebook, but they never call here, and I don't even have their numbers.
The girls an I are missing our Matthew a great deal and it will be so hard for a few days to get back to life and him not being here again. I am sure it will be the same for him in Vancouver. Although I knew what I was in for with a long distance marriage, I never actually knew it would be this hard and it is, time will make it all better and absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. I miss my lobster! Love you baby.
I am out looking for work again today and this week and getting back to the grind, I am no longer at Day Break and feel totally used by them and am also very hurt by the fact that they would think I would steal or anything else. It is just ridiculous, but I guess that is how they can cover up the fact that they threatened me and put their fist right in my face, my what an ass. But I do have to say they sure protect their own, too bad they are living in the past and think they are the only ones who matter and have a say in the world. Old Greek men of a different nature. Going to go to Eggstacy tomorrow, Themys former partner and if nothing else maybe they will give me a job for putting up with him.
I remember sitting there at work a week before I was told I was nothing and Themys and his ignorant brother George were yelling at Stella , She is Themys wife, the poor thing. Anyhow they were yelling at her and arguing in Greek and telling Stella that women are nothing and that she has no say in the business and needs to keep her nose out of stuff. She and the rest of us that wait on tables are all nothing to them and never will be anything except someone to actually make them some money. I hope he looses his restaurant and goes under, because he and his brother just deserve it. They are ruthless and rude. Come on you old f***s, it is the year 2011, not 1965. Get with it!

He is on a Plane

Well Matthew left a couple hours ago and is now on his plane back to Vancouver. It feels so weird to not be with him again after the last two weeks and just being so in love in with him all over again. I am so glad for the last two weeks and all of the fun we have had, our wedding, our extra activities, Pride, our fun with new and old friends. It was the most amazing times and we had so much fun together.
Everyone is asking so many questions including my mom, and they are all the same questions about where we are going to live, when is Matt moving here, am I moving back to Vancouver, are we selling the house and so on and so on. Well as I say to everyone Matthew and I have a lot to discuss and we will make all of our decisions together as a married couple, and discuss it and figure out what is best for the both of us and our four kids, by kids I mean the 2 dogs and 2 cats. Those are our kids.
I even had one friend ask if it was a real marriage, why yes it is! I am truly married and we are really happy and just happy to be in love and together.
Well time to wait for his call now and check his flight status again and see where he is in the air. Where ever you are I love you and miss you and will talk to you soon.

Words to live by

LIFE is very SHORT.........
So BREAK silly RULES!!!!!!!!!!
FORGIVE quickly...
BELIEVE slowly...
LOVE truly....
LAUGH loudly...
AND
NEVER AVOID ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU SMILE!!!!!!!!

My Big Fat Greek Employer

Holy crap, my big fat greek employer is an asshole and so is his brother. Any how here is the story and why I can say this now. I went back to work at Daybreak and was so happy for a bit, but then slowly realized I was being used in every way by Themys and his brother and not being compensated for it. They are both idiots and it is even amazing that they can run a restaurant.
Here is what happened, Pride Sunday, Matt came in and bussed tables for us for 4 hours and thanks to him for doing this, he pulled us out of the weeds. Because we were sinking and quick, especially with the shit kitchen we have there, when they learn how to cook I will let you know. Any how Matt worked his ass off for 4 hours and then left, the day just got worse from there and busier as well. Later in the day Stella fell inside the door and dropped a Corona bottle and then landed on it. Cut really bad , her and Themys had to leave. I looked after the restaurant, took over Stellas section, did my section and comforted their daughter. All of which I did not mind at the time cause I thought they were my friends.
I was so wrong. On Monday afternoon, Matt came in for lunch around 12:30, a really quiet time , Themys and Stella still at the hospital for day number 2, Themys brother George sitting in the restaurant  and watching every move we made. Matt ordered Fish and Chips and a beer, I punch it all in and paid for it as I always do. This is what happened next, the kitchen not reading bills as per usual made 2 orders of fish and chips, I gave the extra piece of fish to Matt, not thinking anything of it, otherwise it would have gone in the garbage. The kitchen threw a fit, George then got involved and threw a bigger fit. Matt sat there had his lunch and George stared at him the whole damn time, how uncomfortable is that?
After Matt finished lunch we went out back for a cigarette, George followed us and stood in the doorway and stared at us the whole damn time, what I am not allowed a quick break. Matt left and I went back into the restaurant, sat down with George for a minute and all of a sudden he just went off on me, slamming the table with his fists, yelling at me about Matthew asking who the hell does he think he is and then shaking his fist in my face and calling me and every other server a nothing. Two things I will never stand for and have never are being called nothing and and having  some one shake their fist in my face like you want to hit me. Wow so I left after I was told to. I am not now nor have I ever been a nothing, and no one is nothing, so get over it you fat greek pig.
This is not where the story ends as Matt still had to get his money from them for working that Sunday, crazy comes next because now they accuse me of stealing everything that Matt ate or drank, I am not a thieve and have never been and they actually tried to get out of paying for Matt working. All I said is check my ringouts and I knew he already did and was just trying to push us around cause we are gay.What an ass, just so you know. The good thing is I am here in Toronto and finding a job for me has never been a problem at all. Good bye asshole employer and your brother, also buyer beware of where you eat.

His last day here with me for now!

Well we crammed a lifetime in the last 10 days, I worked, we did PRIDE, Matt came and helped us at work, we got engaged, we got married. I couldn't be happier and we had a great time doing everything we did, and I truly love Matthew and know that we have done everything right.
Matthew flies out tonight and I have to admit I will be terribly sad and can't believe he is leaving and having to go back to Vancouver. I know it has to be done, he has the house in Vancouver, the tenants and also his parents who need him.
So over the next few months we will travel back and forth from Toronto to Vancouver to be with each other and together. We have a few things to plan and a lot to do over the next year and believe me when I say it, I am so excited about all that we are doing because we are doing it together and as a married couple, which is just amazing.
I have lots to do today and I am going to make my day all about Matt and spending every minute with him in every way possible. I hate the fact that he is leaving and has to go home , but I love the fact that I know he will be back as soon as he can make it out again. Or I will fly out there to see him and spend some time with him and his folks. Maybe help to get things settled for him us both in Vancouver and make some decisions on the house and everything else that needs to be discussed. Yes we discuss things now which is refreshing for both of us.
Well time to get on with the day and get my shit done and spend time with my husband. Talk to you all soon. Have a great day from your gay neighbor.

One More Day

Matthew is leaving tomorrow night and all I can think is how much I am going to miss him again. The first 6 weeks out here were incredibly hard with us apart and separated, now that we are married and he is going back to Vancouver, it will be incredibly hard. I already miss him and he is here next to me on the couch. The girls are going to miss him again as well and Rogue especially, she just loves him to death. On the bright side when we see him again and it will be sooner than later, my god is it great and I don't just mean seeing him, but being together and looking in his eyes and just sitting and lying next to him. I know that we are both strong enough people to do a long distance relationship and I have had other friends who have done this and done well at it. I also know that I love him more than enough to do this and that he loves me. The changes I see in both of us are beyond what I ever thought possible, but I know they are there and that we have both seen them and are both now reaping the benefits of them and us and the path that life is put forward for us.
Things have been amazing for both of us in Toronto and Matt is now seeing why I love the city and why I need and want to be here so badly. I find Toronto so much friendlier and outgoing than Vancouver and also so much more outgoing here and also find myself so much more outgoing here as well, as I am sure Matthew has noticed.
I do have to close with one thing though, with all the congratulations and good for you guys that we received from a lot of our friends, there were a few that were just idiots and could not even muster a congrats or glad for you. To those people well, at least we are in a relationship and are figuring out how to make it work, as far as I know the three of you I know about are all single and just to say none of you have had or are in a relationship and have been single for as long as I can remember. Tim you were just an ass, Jurgen well your response was just rude and stupid at best and to Nicola, well let me say, just a huge disapointment in every way.We are happy and that is all that matters and to all you that can not be for us, it really does not matter to me what the hell you think.

Full Circle

It amazes me how everything seems to come a complete 360 if you just wait for it to happen. Matthew arrived here 10 days ago and it has been a complete whirlwind of fun, love and romance, much like the first week we dated way back when. Matt and I started dating on March 17th of 2009 and we just fell in love, it was a whirlwind romance and I knew from the date I met him that I loved him and called him my lobster from the day we met. We moved in together on May 7th of that same year and yes we had our little problems, but we seemed to always make it through them no matter what. On April 30th of this year, we decided to separate because I just could not live in Vancouver anymore and be unemployed and Matthew could not move here because of his folks back in Vancouver, so the dogs and I came here, I started back to work and got a little apartment in a cute community, hooked up with some old friends and eventually became myself again. While in Vancouver, I just started to loose myself and who I was with all the challenges I faced there. The unemployment and the struggles of the phony people that became a thorn in my side. I just lost me and became a really different man than I ever had been before.
Anyhow Matthew and I have been on the phone and msn constantly since the day I left and he arrived a week ago wedenesday and came out to visit for PRIDE and stay for a while. Anyhow here is where the story unfolds, last Thursday a day after he arrived we were sitting at the Firken having a drink and I just looked at him and asked him to marry me on Tuesday, he said yes. So on Tuesday we headed down to city hall and applied for our marriage licence, After obtaining our licence we went up stairs and booked our wedding for the next afternoon at 1pm. So Wednesday July 6th at 1pm Matt and I got married, a week after his arrival here in Toronto. We had a great and intimate ceremony with a few friends, actually just 4 friends, Wayne, Martin, Angela and Nancy. It was perfect. I am so happy and now married. I truly love Matt now and always have since the day I met him. Thank you for a being in my life and with me dear. Anyhow now we will live apart and share our marriage in 2 different cites for now, until it is right for him to move. We both understand where we are and for the first time in years, I believe we are both at peace in our lives and being married is so right, and for me marriage is once and I am so glad it is Matt that I am married to. I am truly in love and we are so great together , he is my lobster! I will tell you all more about our wedding soon and Matthew's trip out here to Toronto and Pride here. You all have a  great day and thank you for reading.  

Pride is finally over

It was a great Pride and a wonderful time the last week, although extremely busy and not without the exceptions of a few bad moments which were overcome after a couple of stiff drinks. Any how to catch you all up, Matthew arrived last Wednesday morning, his flight was late but non the same he got here and I am so happy he was here and with me and got to meet my friends and celebrate Pride with me. I worked everyday unfortunately from the date of his arrival and was there most days up to 10 hours so it was a crazy week for me and for us and then we would go out and explore the village and the hundreds of thousands of people who were here.
So here are some of the mishaps this Pride, Mayor Rob Ford, just an idiot to say the least, first mayor of Toronto in years, not to represent the city by marching in the parade or opening the gay pride celebration. I think he has totally screwed himself for re election in 4 years time. Second, oh my god it was busy and the kitchen where I work , what a fucking disaster is all I can really say about that. Only one of the three cooks in there can read english and gives a shit what they are sending out. The other 2 not so great, especially Fusili, a stupid and belligerent ass, he is from Greece and therefor protected by the owners and is just a total fuck up. The man throws plates in the window, literally the one day from standing there and waiting for my food to come up, the front of my shirt was covered in Hollandaise sauce. Then on Pride Sunday Stella, my boss was there waiting tables and fell onto a piece of glass and cut her hand wide open, after taking over her section, still doing mine and consoling her daughter I was just plain exhausted that day, nut I went out with my girls and Matthew and we went to the Firken and had a few drinks. A good time was had by all eventually! After leaving the Firken and the girls on Sunday, Matt and I went to see my friend the other Wayne and his partner, yes I know that may confuse you. Got there and had a couple drinks with them and then walked them to Zippers, as they were going out, not me, had to work in the morning again.  Saturday night we went out for Waynes birthday dinner with him and his friend David. So happy to be there for his birthday, which was actually on Sunday. All weekend long Matt and I were out doing something at night and we had an amazing time together, busy and just wonderful, god I love him so much, he is in Vancouver, because honestly that is where he belongs at the moment and in time we will be together in the same home again, but for now we are always together in our hearts and with each other in our thoughts constantly.
Anyhow yesterday was starting out to be great, but unfortunately did not work out to be that way for a while, with Stella still in the hospital and Themis there with her all day, that left brother George in charge of the restaurant which just turned out to be a disaster, now let me tell you why. Before this Fusili was being his usual ass self and not doing his job and just in panic mode as he always is, so I told George to go in and straighten the ass hole out, because he was just starting to stress everyone. It started with Matt coming in for lunch and having food and paying for it of course as we always do, George sat there the whole time glaring at Matthew while he ate his lunch and had a beer. Making Matt very uncomfortable and making me very angry. No body wants to go to a restaurant and eat lunch and be made to feel that they are unwelcome and stared at like they don't belong there! So Matt got up after his lunch and cleared his own plate and beer bottle and whatever is what I say about that, after all he did come in and help us for 4 hours the day before and bus tables and keep us out of the weeds, so what the hell he cleared his plate after lunch and we went out back for a ciggy break. George followed us and stood in the back door and stared as we smoked and I gave Matt a kiss, come on really he is my partner. Anyways Matt left and I went back inside to work st down for a minute and all of a sudden George went off on me. George was slamming his fist on the table and then put his fucken fist right in my face and telling me how angry he was with me and how he didn't like my friend clearing his plate and started to yell at me, telling me I was a nobody and who do I think I am to tell him about the cook and have my "friend" clear his own plate. He kept on and eventually told me he did not want me there, so I finished my tables and left. Oh well, I will get another job and it will be great and no more Greek owners for me. I am done with them.
Before leaving I told George that I am not a nobody and I worked my ass off for his brother and did my job and went above and beyond my duties which I always have and always will.I also said that no one raises their hand to me ever and he just kept yelling at me in front of my tables and customers and everything else and going on about how I am a nobody we just work for them and that is it, Well mister I am not sure who the hell you think you are but get over it and quickly please. You are just an idiot and I think you may be suffering from demensia or something of that nature, to say the least you have a split personality. So I left and met up with Matt and  we then met up with Alisa and Brian and went and had a couple drinks at the Firken again and then off to Alisa place to check out the view there. The day got better and I vow not to let George and his power trip ruin my day and I did just that, I forgot my troubles and got happy! So that was our Pride, all and all pretty great, with a few mishaps here and there.

Well Here We Are!

It is Tuesday and almost the end of June, I have now been in Toronto for just over 5 weeks and am enjoying myself , maybe a little too much, but I must say I do love it and I have changed a great deal. I never thought that being 41 could be so much fun, but my god it sure  as hell is. Just a lesson to everyone , life does get better after 40 and I am telling you if you said that to me anytime in the past I would have laughed at you for hours. Well who is laughing now, me and I try to everyday, just because I am having fun. My job is just that a job and I go to work and then come home and am done after that, instead of calls at all hours and having to open and close a Restaurant, I just get to go to work and I like that. I found it hard for the first few weeks not to act like a manager, but now I am realizing that it is nice to go in , make my money and just leave, how perfect is that.
Today I went to work and discovered that they had changed the schedule and not let me know, so I went and had a drink with the one cook and sat on the patio at another restaurant for a bit, so relaxing, then I stopped at Out on the Street and bought myself a new toy, fun, fun. I love that store. On the way home I got caught in a total down pour of rain and was totally soaked when I got home, but oh well that is life.
Matt arrives early in the morning and I am going to get up at 4:30am and go to the airport and pick him up and then come home and relax for a bit. I work at 4pm now tomorrow, but that is cool. It is only till 8:30pm and I am happy cause today I can just relax and do what ever comes my way. Anyhow, time for dinner. You all have a great night, love your gay neighbor.

Pride week in Toronto

Well Pride kicked off on Friday of last week  and is now here until the 4th of July with shows and the parade next Sunday and men , men , men, all over the city. Here for a short time and a lot of fun, and from all over the world. I love Pride and all the people that come to visit and all the interesting ones that I get to meet every year. It is so much fun and so busy.
This year will be a great Pride here in  Toronto, because I am working and Matthew will be here for 10 days starting on Wednesday and here until the 11th of July. I honestly can't wait to see him. It feels like forever ago since we were together. I have so much planned and am so excited to show him the Toronto that I love, not the Toronto that he has seen before, but the one that I see every day and fell in love with years ago.
I finished painting the apartment today and everything is now done in here, the cabinets are all painted, I put in new counter tops and new faucets in the kitchen, also a new shower head in ht bathroom and painted the entire living space that I love. I am really truly now enjoying living in my tiny apartment and actually getting quite used to it again. I never thought that I could get used to apartment living again and not having the house and the yard, but all and all it is okay and we are happy here and I don't get woken up by noisy tenants who are having their little parties at 4am. Also a lot less space to clean and a lot less stuff or me to do. Anyhow I really do miss the house and all the things it offered but also not all the things that came with it as well.
Any how Happy Pride week Toronto and I will see you all soon. Drop by for breakfast some day soon. I am there 5 days a week and love to see some old friends. Take care and ta ta for now.

Wednesday

Well we are back at Wednesday which means many thing to me, it is hump day, middle of the week and I am back to work, days off are done and I am in at 4pm for my short shitty shift. Things are going quite well at the job though and I am all and all very happy with everything here thus far. The dogs are doing great and they are getting use to living in a small apartment again.
So far today I have ran to Canadian Tire and picked up a couple things for the apartment, I really should start making a list so when I move out of here I can take it all with me, I will any ways, after all i am the one making improvements, no damn way I am leaving that for someone else if I ever relocate.
Yesterday was a crazy busy day and I spent most of it running around and doing stuff that just needed to be done, I went shopping with Wayne for a bit and we hit up all the old haunts and second hand stores. I made a couple really good scores, like some Cuisenart Frying Pans for $4 a piece. Love it when I get great deals, as I am extremely thrifty. I also got a gorgeous remote control center, done in black leather, and a really hot red leather basket, I love these things, they create great storage and look extremely hot.
Today on the way back from Canadian Tire, I stopped at Out on the Street , a great little gay store here in Toronto and got myself a pair of really nice designer underwear, Deisel, which were 50% off which I love and they look so hot, will send some of you a picture later, after all it is underwear, no different than a swimsuit, right?
Just relaxing here on the couch at the moment and going to work here soon, Have to take the girls out again before I go, just to avoid any little accidents that could happen, not that they have yet. Although I am sure last week it was really close with me being gone about 9 and 1/2 hours a day for 4 days straight and then 6 and 1/2 on the weekends. After being out so much in the last 2 years in between Matt and I walking them all the time in Vancouver.
Tonight if it is cool after work I may paint a little more , but you never know. I may do what I did last night too which was much more fun and I will keep as my little secret for now. Anyhow , hope you all have a great day and I will talk with you tomorrow. Thanks for reading and love from your Gay Neighbor!

painting

.
  After the girls and I came back in we organized , washed and put everything away where it belongs for now, then the three of us had our afternoon nap and slept for an hour. Love napping with my girls, gives me someone to cuddle with and they are so cute, they get right under the covers and just cuddle right in, makes me not feel so alone.

After our lovely nap, I made dinner and then commenced to start painting. It was fun and so hot, my god , all I got done was the hallway and one wall in the living room and by the time I was done I was sweating bullets. But so far so good, I painted white which will come as a shock to anyone who actually knows me at all, they will know I am not a white paint person but love my colors and the brighter and darker the better.

Then I chatted with Matthew on msn and talked with mom on the phone. Both of which bring me a great joy and a huge smile on a daily basis. Matt and I talk daily on msn and have what is called a video call so we can see each other as well. It is so nice and he is looking really good, though he always has to me!.
Working mostly days this week and am so happy about that. The only night I work this week is tomorrow night and the I work all mornings for the next 4 days. This brings joy and hopefully more money to me in every way. Have appointments all day today although they are sporadic and I will have times in between to run home and take the girls out for their long needed walks that they love so much. PRIDE starts here on Friday and then the big weekend is the July long weekend and I know it is going to be crazy and there will be no rest for the weekend at all, not a problem, I love all the people that come in to the city for PRIDE and couldn't imagine not working it.

Any how time for me to get my ass in gear, dressed and out the door. Hope you all have a great day. Love from your gay neighbor.

Dreams and Reality

Well I have dreams and then I have my reality. The reality is I live in a small apartment in Toronto with my 2 girls and work an awful lot to pay the bills and get buy. And quite honestly I really don't mind doing all this as it is just part of life or at least my life, though I truly wish I was not here alone and without the person that I honestly and totally love. It is hard and when I get to talk to Matthew it just brings a smile on my face that can not be replaced with anything else in the world. If I have a bad day at all , it is totally brightened when I see a text message from him in the morning or a chat with him on msn.No matter anything that has happened with us in the past at all, I truly believe that he is my lobster and that we are destined to be together and I know that we still love each other a great deal. It is just that right at the moment life has taken us both on a different path. I refuse to give up and will fight for us until I know there is no end to doing so. When they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, it is true. I believe I am happier here in Toronto, because I have a good job and friends that get me through my days, it is my nights that I am alone and I realize the one thing I am missing here is Matt. Not an hour goes by when I don't think of him and wish he were here with me. That is my dream and I refuse to let go of that because deep in my heart I know some day soon we will be together again and we will truly have everything if we are a couple.
I had a dream the other night and dreamed Matt was next to me in bed, I reached over to cuddle and it was my little dog Storm and I grabbed her and she let out a little yelp, poor thing! I also have had a recurring dream of my marriage and every time I kiss my groom, it is always Matthew. I will hold on to that and believe in the best in life. I need to be more positive and love life more and that is what I am now doing. Anyhow I hope that anyone in love realizes what you have, hold onto it and work through your problems and move on from there. If you dread an argument , it will probably happen. The more you concentrate on the negative, the more likely it is to happen. Just saying.
Anyhow off to work soon, have a great day and to all the fathers out there , have a Happy Fathers Day.